Overwhelmed with the guest list!

Katiesue04

So this past weekend I went over to my future in-laws to start making a guest list.  My FMIL has a lot of Aunts and Uncle's in seattle (we live in Wisconsin).  They recently went out there for one of the aunts and uncles kid's wedding.  So now everyone is excited out there and wants to come to our wedding, because of course my FMIL wouldn't stop talking about it.  I don't want to invite more than 300 people and right now we are at 275(excluding my fiances' coworkers).  So that may end up adding another 20.  I am at my target number but I am feeling so uneasy about inviting these people, I have never met them, and I told my fiance that I don't want to invite people that I have never met and we have known eachother for 9 years so I think I would know these people by now.  He keeps telling me that these people are important to him and he wants them at our wedding, and I am so nervous just thinking about it.  I have major social aniexty issues, and I may end up fainting at the ceremony lol.  Now my FMIL e-mailed one of her Aunt's here and said she wants to invite one of her Aunt's kids.  We would then have to invite the Aunt's kids's kids because she is divorced and can't travel without her kids, and of course my FMIL was talking all about the wedding to her.  My FMIL has a big mouth if you haven't noticed.  The only kids I was planning on inviting were my cousins kids.  God this is so overwhelming!!!!!  I know it is my day and I can invite who I want but my fiance feels strongly we need to invite these great aunts and uncles that live in seattle.

cpasquale

If it is important to your Fiance, I would include them. You may want to sit down with him, though, and discuss your concerns. Maybe he isn't aware that you are feeling this way!!

Sarah&Eric2012

I feel your pain.  Every time I see FMIL she adds more people to the guest list.  My original goal was under 150, we're officially at 189 (after my parents took three people off).  The proportions are totally not fair and it's freaking me out.  I know FI has a huge Portuguese family but we've been together for 3 years (today actually) and I haven't even met half of these people.  I don't want to be the bride who is walking around her reception introducing herself to her guests.  That just seems awkward to me. 

However, if it's that important to your FI then they should be included.  Who knows, maybe they won't be able to make it after all.  And maybe your FMIL is just really excited to have you joining her family and that's why she's talking about it to everyone.  I wish my mom was that excited.  I had to tell her to talk about it to people so that they would know I was even engaged.

smartlypretty

If it's important to FI, they should be invited. Let me ask a question, these are aunts and uncles? If you are up to 275 people, how are all his parents brothers and sisters not included yet??? I'm have about a 100 people. I might have a heart attack if I had to have 300 too! Totally understand

mamameech

You can't really have a rule that stipulates you have to have met them prior to the wedding; a lot of couples don't get to meet all their new family before a wedding and it doesn't make them less important. I do feel your pain with the guest list tho -man, it's a PITA!! I don't like that we have so many people we don't actually want there, as sad as that sounds. We just hope they can't make it haha

kendalldavis

Wow. I am having the same problems! I would not care how many people were invited, because the church will hold 800. BUT our reception only holds 320. Right now we are at 400 I don't know what to do. Our wedding planner says that is a good number, because only 75% come to the wedding, My luck all 400 will show up! I have cut and cut my list and I am down to 150. I do not want to cut anymore off of mine! And I do not want to fight with my FI either,....

Katiesue04

Well my theory is that my wedding is labor day weekend so since it is a holiday weekend I am hoping a lot of people don't show up lol!!!!  I wrote my FMIL an e-mail and said that she can invite her Aunt's and Uncles but her Aunt's and Uncles' kids are stretching it, we will still invite the ones she already mentioned it too, but we will also not invite her Aunt's and Uncles kids, kids.  I am sticking to having my cousins kids invited to the wedding only.  My parents kept it at their aunt's and uncles and did not extend past that.  They already had to pay for my two older sister's weddings so  they are experienced  No offense either but my father is paying for the meal, so it's not right that my FMIL gets to invite everyone she wants.

jessa1228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_overwhelmed-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:5256d2e6-e4e7-4461-8bef-180f9abb300dPost:99543b38-9ac9-491f-8ed2-c19f185d974a">Re: Overwhelmed with the guest list!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well my theory is that my wedding is labor day weekend so since it is a holiday weekend I am hoping a lot of people don't show up lol!!!!  I wrote my FMIL an e-mail and said that she can invite her Aunt's and Uncles but her Aunt's and Uncles' kids are stretching it, we will still invite the ones she already mentioned it too, but we will also not invite her Aunt's and Uncles kids, kids.  I am sticking to having my cousins kids invited to the wedding only.  My parents kept it at their aunt's and uncles and did not extend past that.  They already had to pay for my two older sister's weddings so  they are experienced :)  <strong>No offense either but my father is paying for the meal, so it's not right that my FMIL gets to invite everyone she wants.</strong>
Posted by Katiesue04[/QUOTE]

<div>I do agree with the bolded part; however, if your FI feels strongly about inviting these people then you two need to sit down and have a heart to heart.</div><div>
</div><div>FWIW, I've been with my FI for 7.5 years and have only met a fraction of his family since the others are spread out all over the country. I'll be meeting a lot of them for the first time at the wedding.</div>

DeadUtopia

If it's important to your FI, like honestly important, not just because he wants to please his mom, then I would just go on and invite them. Sometimes it does get frustrating though when people look at wedding like an excuse to have a family reunion!

Katiesue04

So we decided to add the Aunts and Uncles because that is where my parents stopped at.  We are still inviting the Aunts and Uncles kids that my FMIL mentioned it two which was a only two, but we are not inviting the rest and we are not inviting the Aunts and Uncles', kids. kids.  So it wall worked out in the end.  I just hate fighting about stupid things like this, can't we just get married in a courthouse lol!

Ciardasully

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_overwhelmed-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:5256d2e6-e4e7-4461-8bef-180f9abb300dPost:99543b38-9ac9-491f-8ed2-c19f185d974a">Re: Overwhelmed with the guest list!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well my theory is that my wedding is labor day weekend so since it is a holiday weekend I am hoping a lot of people don't show up lol!!!!  I wrote my FMIL an e-mail and said that she can invite her Aunt's and Uncles but her Aunt's and Uncles' kids are stretching it, we will still invite the ones she already mentioned it too, but we will also not invite her Aunt's and Uncles kids, kids.  I am sticking to having my cousins kids invited to the wedding only.  My parents kept it at their aunt's and uncles and did not extend past that.  They already had to pay for my two older sister's weddings so  they are experienced :)  No offense either but my father is paying for the meal, so it's not right that my FMIL gets to invite everyone she wants.
Posted by Katiesue04[/QUOTE]

I had to address this with my fiance.  Granted his parents are paying for the open bar, my Dad is putting in more and my FI and I are paying most.  So the "Who pays has the say" rule doesn't apply.  But I had a list with my family (aunts, unlcles and first cousins) and friends.  My FI friend list equaled it and his mother had a list almost as big as mine (about 50 people).  My parents live 8 hours away (I live in Upstate NY, they live in Maine) and gave me no one.  They said if I got married in Maine it might be a different story but just inviting the family is fine.  I did have to tell my FI that it just wasn't fair.  Luckily he went through his mothers list and she didn't object to any cuts.  My concern was the FI kept having to cut friends while his mother had people we barely knew.