How do I handle this?

bellchacie

So, my FI's brother decided as a wedding gift he wants to buy us our cake, which is awesome, since I'm on a tight budget and cake is one of my favorite things and I really want a nice one. Well, today, FI tells me that his brother wants to buy the cake without us seeing it first. He considers it an insult to see the gift before its given. As you all know, there is no way I can sign off on a cake without seeing it! How do I communicate this to him without causing a family drama? Thanks for all the help.

bel138

I wouldn't need to see it before hand. But I'm not picky about wedding details. If the design of your cake is something very important to you, I'm not sure there is much you can do. Have FI talk to his brother, because he'll know how to approach him. If he's still adamant, you only choice would be to accept as the offer stands or decline and design your own cake.

EmilyBerdell

I think I would have to see the basic design, the bakery's portfolio or at least taste some sample cake! Maybe your FI's brother would compromise. Like let you see some other designs the bakery has done. Maybe you can give him your colors and any design elements you would like incorporated and they can custom design the cake or select three designs you really like from the bakery and let him select the winning one? I don't know. That's a tough one. What does your FI think? GL

angiek7

I think it's completely inappropriate for your future brother-in-law to decide the type of wedding cake you have for your wedding. If he doesn't understand this, then he's being unreasonable! I would tell him the bride and groom always choose their cake because it's your celebration! If you are feeling like you need to keep him involved in the process, you can invite him to come with you to the baker, but his gift should be bearing the cost of the wedding cake, not picking the actual cake for you.

morganphd

I'm completely the on the other side from the rest of the pps.  He's willing to go out and spend a TON of money on you.  Tell him the flavors that you like and show him some pictures, then leave him alone.  But, if you accept his gift, you can't put conditions on it.  If you want to pick everything out, then don't accept the gift.

npales

I'm with Morgan. He's being super generous. Perhaps give him a few pics of the types of cake you like, and some flavors.

McBridetobe

I agree with Shannon - you don't get to pick.  What an awesome gift!

e8jackson6

Ditto Shannon, Nuelsi and KR - you can give him your colors and some design elements you'd really like to see.  Or anything you maybe really have your heart set on.  But this is really generous of him - so if you want to accept the gift, you're going to have to let go of the control.

d78

Hi! Have you introduced yourself? Your name doesn't look familiar to me... :-)

bellchacie

Thanks for the advice everyone. You guys are right, it is a very generous gift and I’m really grateful. I just want everything to run smoothly and be ok with the end result. I’m a little worried about not being able to see the cake and sign off on it. So, maybe I’ll try all the ideas about giving him elements of design and the colors and seeing what he comes up with. Although, I think I can’t waiver on having to taste the cake first—that’s my BIG thing! D78, I did introduce myself, but it was back in early July, so you may have missed it! My name is Cachaca, I’m getting married Dec 5 in Penn Hills.