September 2012 Weddings

vent NWR

So surprise surprise FI dropped the ball today. I hate to bash him like this but the man wouldn't know how to be romantic if it killed him. We said we weren't going to make a big deal about today, but a card, or him cooking dinner for a change or something would have been nice. We were supposed to wash the walls in the kitchen and prime it for painting tonight, but eff that I'm going to the gym then to a girlfriends house.

I got him the Lady and the Tramp blu-ray (we're huge dog lovers, and what's more fitting than a doggie love story on valentines day?) and a cute card.
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Re: vent NWR

  • That sucks. =/ I do have to say, though, that I learned the hard way about these kinds of things. If you say you aren't doing anything, then they mean it. So maybe try "nothing big" or something like that. That way he knows it still matters, but won't blow hundreds of dollars you don't have on stuff.

    Sorry that your Valentine's sucked. =/ Maybe your friend will take your mind off of things? Well... that and booze. =P
  • Sorry your Valentines Day wasnt the best. But I have to agree with PP -- if you told him that you "werent going to make a big deal about it", then he must have assumed he didnt have to buy you anything or do anything special. I think next year, you should tell him you definitely want to do something, even if its something small. Especially since youll be married! 

    Maybe you could explain how you feel, and have a Valentines Day "re-do" this weekend where he makes dinner and you do something fun together?
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  • FI is really bad about this kind of thing.  All we ever do is dinner and maybe I get flowers or something.  This year I made it VERY clear I wanted a card.  I love cards and FI thinks they are really dumb.  I think I probably reminded him six times about getting me a card, but I did get one this year.
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  • Im such an idiot because we said we werent going to do anything this year. We are paying for a wedding and received gift cards to a restaurant so we will use those this weekend and enjoy ourselves. So, I got a card for FI and that's it. I felt so dumb when I came home and he had a single rose waiting for me in a bud vase, a card and a package. I was like, I thought we said we weren't doing anything?! I felt so badly! I felt like the stupid guy! He assured me it wasn't a big deal so I opened the gift and he had wrapped up a box of cuties mandarin oranges for me! Lol so it wasn't a big deal indeed, but he knows I love cuties and it was the thought that counts. Still I feel like I blew it! I think we have role reversal issues or something though!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_vent-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:62ebca14-4224-44ff-9544-a125cc774666Post:8f12fc11-75a7-4eb3-9e99-93439e620723">Re: vent NWR</a>:
    [QUOTE]Im such an idiot because we said we werent going to do anything this year. We are paying for a wedding and received gift cards to a restaurant so we will use those this weekend and enjoy ourselves. So, I got a card for FI and that's it. I felt so dumb when I came home and he had a single rose waiting for me in a bud vase, a card and a package. I was like, I thought we said we weren't doing anything?! I felt so badly! I felt like the stupid guy! He assured me it wasn't a big deal so I opened the gift and he had wrapped up a box of cuties mandarin oranges for me! Lol so it wasn't a big deal indeed, but he knows I love cuties and it was the thought that counts. Still I feel like I blew it! I think we have role reversal issues or something though!
    Posted by romamor4[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's <em>adorable</em>! And I love cuties too! haha</div><div>
    </div><div>I think the idea of a redo is sweet. =)</div>
  • edited February 2012
    I'm sorry to hear that, We have had that problem before too!  He thinks no big deal means nothing at all, but in those cases its more like no big $ not no big deal!  The thought really is what counts.  Taking something off your burden, like the cooking or a chore, or even just rubbing your feet and focusing some love and attention your way for a night is better than a lot gifts anyways.  I have had to tell FI that... I try to always give an explanation of why I'm annoyed-they really don't get it.  I find myself often saying-listen rather than being bitter I'm just going to tell you-its not fair for me to be mad at you for things you don;t know you did wrong.  I am disappointed because x.y.z I know that doesn't make sense to you so I'm telling you right now these are the simple things you should do, these gesture mean a lot and this is the siuff that says to me you are thinking about me and want to put me first occasionally. I guess I feel like he didn't have a good "husband" role model he dad isn't the thoughtful type and his parents relationship is so not what I want. As opposed to my parents who are almost sickeningly sweet to each other and my Dad who spoils my mother (and not just in gifts) he is and was a super dad and helped so much around house he wasn't just the man with the paycheck they are truly equal partners in all aspects of their relationship.

    I would suggest talking to him about thing that he could do to make you feel more appreciated and talk about your roles and expectations in the relationship and help to see how small things can make a huge difference.  Like getting a card tha seems so insignificant but is a nice gesture especially if your FI isn;t one to put lose kind of sentiments into words often reading the ones he picks out by which card he buys can say a lot too! 



    This year I totally left it alone, I didn't ask what he wanted to do, I didn't even mention it.  He just got laid off, we are pouring $ into having our apartment rented March 1st, he's been working hard on that etc... Pus obviously weddign expenses.

    AND low and behold.... He totally knocked it out the park.  We've had conversations about how if I have to ask him to do nice things for me it starts to negate their meaning.  I want him to think of me and think I deserve to have stuff done for me ya know?  So if this is a sign of things to come then I will be very happy.  I don't ask for much I'd be thrilled that he sees how tired I am and says he'll cook dinner, or he'll do the laundry.  It would be amazing if he'd get up for the dogs on a Saturday so I could sleep in for once etc... Its not even about gifts, though I did love my flowers and gits last night :)

    We had a great night last night and on top of Vday gifts I got a couple (owed to me on IOU) Christmas gifts-Christmas he really dropped the ball on this year so I think he's making up for that.
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  • I had a migraine, his son is with us every day after school, Tues nights, Wedsday nights as well as every other Fri, Sat, Sun, and my uncle lives with us.  Our V-Day sucked.  We had left over soup, I tossed PJ's on and cleaned like a mad woman.  I tried to get him to wash the floors and clean the bathroom and you would have thought I asked him to move the world.

    Monday night, he did cook me dinner and take me to pick up my box of food from the doctors office.  He decided that was my V-day gift, but we had said we weren't going to do anything because we were saving for the wedding.  So I looked like a jerk.  I did get him a card and a cupcake though.

  • That is disappointing... I know that I don't expect anything of him on V-day, but deep down I do want the flowers or the chocolates or just the thought. I guess if he were romantic on a regular basis it wouldn't matter so much but it doesn't hurt to try one day a year does it?
    I'm the type that's always thoughtful and goes above and beyond to make people smile and know their thought of. It's been very hard for me to adjust to his ways, but if you met his family, you'd understand. His own mother didn't even call him on his bday. They don't do cards or anything thoughtful for anything. I come from a family who does thoughtful things for each other all the time so it's a major contrast.

    All that being said, FI did take my son out to pick out some flowers for me last night. I love that my son picked out purple tulips; one of my fave flowers and my fave colour :) That's a BIG step for FI.

    Sorry you were disappointed :( I love your gift; it doesn't have to be big or expensive to be special :)
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  • In Response to Re: vent NWR:
    [QUOTEFI did take my son out to pick out some flowers for me last night. I love that my son picked out purple tulips; one of my fave flowers and my fave colour :)
    Posted by mamameech[/QUOTE]

    Ok, that is SO CUTE, I love that he got your son involved!!

    I don't think my FI could ever forget Valentines Day or any other holiday for that matter, but only because I bring it up so much! In the days leading to V-Day or an anniversary or whatever, I get really excited so multiple times a day I'm like, "omg, it's almost Valentine's day, I'm so excited, let's go out to dinner, I can't wait to pick out a present for you, this is going to be SO FUN. omg." Haha he's lucky I'm so good at reminding him so he doesn't get in trouble ;-)
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