NWR: Huge life changes

CowgirlK39

A while back I posted that my dream job was posted online. Initially it was posted for this part of NY, which was fine with me. Well I got a call yesterday from the recruiter and she was all excited, saying I was exactly what they wanted and was ready to set up an interview. However, the job isn't here... its 5.5 hours away on the other side of the state. She told me to talk to my FI and make sure this is something we would want. I mentioned to her that there was another branch of the company near me (literally 5 mins down the road) and she said she was going to get in touch with them and see if they had an opening. FI and I talked about it and even though we say all the time that we want to move, he became very hesitant. He said I can't turn this job down, but he would be happier if I could be placed closer. We have a LOT of stuff, and he doesn't think his truck would make the long drive. Then he said he would want to postpone the wedding. I nearly freaked. We can't do that.... everything is pretty much booked! I told him its not a big deal and that people do destination weddings so coming home for a weekend wouldn't be an issue.

I feel bad because this is huge for me.... its one of the largest dairy supply companies in world, with lots of opportunity. He said he just wants to make sure everything is set and stable for us to move should we have to, but you can't guaruntee anything like that. Its frustrating because I'm all for heading out there but I am worried that he will become homesick or won't like the area and problems will occur. I know a lot of girls on here have dealt with this (*cough*volleygirl*cough*) so I'm just looking for some insight I guess.

volleygurl0306

Haha thanks for the shout out!  I was reading and thinking we've done this!  FI and I somehow made the career choice of being professional move-around for jobs because life is unpredictable (if only it was a real career and paid).  There is no easy answer for this BUT my initial reactions are this...1. If you don't take this job you will always wonder what if?  You guys are a little young to rack up the regrets.  2. Moving isn't permanent.  Nor is being 5.5 hours from home all that bad.  If you go there and are miserable, you can always move back.  3. Sometimes you have to do things to find out it wasn't the right fit (which is exactly what happened to us when we moved to VA.  We swore it was where we wanted to settle down)...and better to make that "mistake" when you don't own a house, don't have kids, etc.  It is certainly expensive to move (especially if you end up moving back and have to do it twice) but you can always not move all your stuff and rent a furnished place for a little to make sure it's going to work out.  You can also try to sell some stuff and then upgrade come the wedding! 

As far as postponing the wedding, this close and with so much booked I think that will stress you more than help you.  We postponed from March but we were 5 months out and had only booked our venue and photographer.  It was in part financial because the two moves were pricey but we also went through some drama that created trust issues between us that (for me at least) was the primary cause of the postponement. 

There is a lot that goes into this for sure.  Would you and FI have to be long distance at all during your transition or would he be able to follow you right away?  I'll PM my contact info in case you need to bounce around more pros/cons more in depth :-)

BMcLeodTeam

For what its worth I live 6 hours away from my family when I made the move down here. Its is a scary thought, and for some its more difficult to make that move than others. But that's not too far a distance to still make trips for the weekend to spend time with your family members, we were just up there last weekend to spend Mothers Day with my Mom

Trins

I'm going to second volleygurl. Now is the time to be moving and trying things out to see what works best for you! Will you regret not taking this job? It sounds like you really want it. FI and I are also the type of people that will move and take the risks for our careers, but travelling and exploring are also what we love to do. Doesn't also mean we are happy where we end up but hey it was an experience! In the 2 years since being together FI and I have moved 4 times! That has included moving across the country, back, and now again just recently across the country again. Hahaha trust me this lifestyle is not for everyone

In all honesty 5.5hrs is not far, in my opinion. Haha I haven't lived even that close to my family since I left home at 18 to go to University! As for postponing the wedding I totally would not do that! A couple months ago, after having everything booked already, FI and I moved across the country for his job. We are still planning our wedding and will just fly home for it. It's really not that big of deal.

CowgirlK39

I lived about 6.5 away when I was in college so this is no biggie for me. I'm all for it. But FI seems overwhelmed at the thought of having to take ALL our stuff somewhere, quickly. He said without a doubt I should take the job if offered since it pays tremendously, but he is also saying if we move there, we move for good, as he would not want to be bothered with moving again. That's a bit frustrating. We are hoping that the branch closest to us has an opening and that this recruiter will put me there, but if not, we have to be ready if I get the job across state. He has only lived in his one little town his whole life, and all his friends are still in that little town, but sadly the jobs are not. This was discussed many times over the years and he is always like "Yeah! Let's move!" But now he just seems... overwhelmed.

hollyweenOR

I suppose it would be hard on someone who had never moved (or only moved within one town) to imagine packing up a whole house. But as someone who has lived at 22 different addresses on 2 continents and all over this one in 38 years (not including moving dorm-to-home-to-dorm through the college years- and that was cross-country!), it's a hassle but nothing more, and 100% worth it if what you want (or even what you're pretty sure you want) is a moving van away. Finding little reasons not to do big things means you need to look at the big things, and if you really want them. Sounds like he's pretty nervous about moving away from the only place he's ever known. But if you can help him focus on the possibilities of a move (better job opportunities, yes you can make new friends, yes you can come back and visit your old friends, find some awesome things to do near your new place, etc.) it might help. Good luck.

Trins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_nwr-huge-life-changes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:686ef1c3-179c-43e3-8fc1-ca6937a98ef1Post:d4031c26-cfc3-4d5a-8067-83defcdab30b">Re: NWR: Huge life changes</a>:
[QUOTE]I suppose it would be hard on someone who had never moved (or only moved within one town) to imagine packing up a whole house. But as someone who has lived at 22 different addresses on 2 continents and all over this one in 38 years (not including moving dorm-to-home-to-dorm through the college years- and that was cross-country!), it's a hassle but nothing more, and 100% worth it if what you want (or even what you're pretty sure you want) is a moving van away. Finding little reasons not to do big things means you need to look at the big things, and if you really want them. Sounds like he's pretty nervous about moving away from the only place he's ever known. But if you can help him focus on the possibilities of a move (better job opportunities, yes you can make new friends, yes you can come back and visit your old friends, find some awesome things to do near your new place, etc.) it might help. Good luck.
Posted by hollyweenOR[/QUOTE]

Bahahaha are you me!?!?!?!?! I'm trying to fill out my stupid paperwork for background check with the RCMP and quite frankly I don't know how they expect me to remember all that, let alone put down all the addresses from my stink in Asia as well! Glad I'm not alone in the whole chronic moving front :)

AshnRobo

Wow, I'm dealing with the same thing! FI just got a job offer that would move him across the country! We live in Oklahoma and he would be moving to Washington.

That considered, I really don't think 5.5 hours is worth postponing the wedding. If this is your dream job, you need to take it. It isn't even a question. The wedding will go on. You will still have everything as you planned. It just may be slightly more difficult, but your dream job lasts longer than your wedding.

jamie5482

I can see how it might be overwhelming to move from the only place you've ever lived (even though I can't personally relate... I'm not even sure how many places I've lived because I've never bothered to count them all!). FI is in the military so I'm mostly okay with the change that comes with moving every 3-4 years (since I've been doing that all my life, sometimes moving every single year). It is sad to be away from the places that feel most like home but really sometimes change is great and helps people grow the most. Even thought it's cheesy it might help to make a pros/ cons list, you both could do one separately and then come up with one together. 

It sounds like a really great job opportunity though so good luck!