How to politely remind BMs

CowgirlK39

So the BM dress dilema continues...

I was supposed to meet with one of my OOT BMs this weekend to catch up and also because I wanted to know what she was up to in terms of the dress situ. I still have that one other BM expecting me to pick and order her dress for her, so I wanted to know where the other two girls stood on the issue. Well, the girl I was supposed to hang out with didn't come into town because her company refused her time off that she requested in favor of sending her on a business trip.

The crisis at the moment is that no one has even looked into what dress they want because they all have lives and are too busy. Understandable. I also found out my MOH and the one BM (who I was supposed to meet with) are going to Hawaii next month. So I really need them to order their dresses like... NOW. I sure hope they budgeted for this.

So I was going to make a few calls over the next few days and just chat with the girls, catch up, and then ask what's going on with the dresses. What should I say though? How do I politely lay down the law without being a bridezilla? This is getting to be very stressful and everyone I know is totally shocked that I have 3 girls who haven't done a damn thing in terms of their outfits.

sparent2010

Give them a deadline then walk away from it.

Are they all choosing out their own dress?

lbarr088

I sent them all a facebook message.

'Hey guys it's starting to get busy at the bridal shops since it's wedding season!  I am hoping everyone will have their dresses ordered by the end of March.  Here is the info you need when you go in to get fitted and if there are any issues let me know!  Also, let me know when you have ordered them."

If they are choosing their own dress, just give them a deadline.  If you play the whole nonchalant game it's going to stress you out and if your BMs are anything like me, they are on the last minute -procrastination train.  No one will be mad to hear there is a deadline, I mean, they expect they are going to have to wear dresses right?

kmschuler

I was in the same situation, then I gave them a deadline and poof they all ordered their dresses!

smartlypretty

I think the best thing to do here is pick a dress from a store like Davids Bridal and just give them a deadline. It's nice to let them pick their own dress, but some times that gets too complicated. I mean- we are 5 months out at this point and DB can take up to 3 months to come in. Just pick a dress, email it to all of them, and tell them they need to order it by about the end of April. 

BMcLeodTeam

I agree, just give them a deadline and then let it be.

gabriel0915

I created a FB group that has all the ideas on them including dress things. They got a deadline and all but one got their dresses ordered on time. Definitely go somewhere like DB and give them a date. Politely keep track of who has bought their dress and nudge them to the ordering. If they don't order, as much as you love them, they can't be in the wedding if they are all wearing the same dress. Tell them the consequences of not ordering and move on. You can't do anything other than that!

CowgirlK39

DB doesn't have anythying close to the color I want. I told them to pick any chiffon dress from Jasmin Bridal/B2 collection from anywhere in their hometowns that have that collection and get it in a certain green. I told them to order them sometime this month and to my knowledge, 2/3 havent even looked yet, and no one has ordered. Then I have one BM who wants me to just order whatever for her here and hope it fits when she gets here in Sept. They all agreed to wear cowboy boots, but no one has gotten those yet either (those don't have to be done yet though so no biggie). I just feel like I need to light a match under their backsides.

It's very embarrassing when people ask me what my BMs are doing and wearing and I just say "I have no idea."

lbarr088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_how-to-politely-remind-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:69235369-4845-4e0e-861c-00c0af29b0bcPost:c81893fc-e9c1-4391-9c79-67242edd21de">Re: How to politely remind BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]DB doesn't have anythying close to the color I want. I told them to pick any chiffon dress from Jasmin Bridal/B2 collection from anywhere in their hometowns that have that collection and get it in a certain green. <strong>I told them to order them sometime this month </strong>and to my knowledge, 2/3 havent even looked yet, and no one has ordered. Then I have one BM who wants me to just order whatever for her here and hope it fits when she gets here in Sept. They all agreed to wear cowboy boots, but no one has gotten those yet either (those don't have to be done yet though so no biggie). I just feel like I need to light a match under their backsides. It's very embarrassing when people ask me what my BMs are doing and wearing and I just say "I have no idea."
Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's really vague.  If you want action give them a deadline date.  I did the whole vague thing and realized for my peace of mind I had to have a specific date.  I felt weird putting my foot down, but in the end it worked out for the best and they all had it by that date. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, do they know where specifically they can find anything from that collection?  Being me, I would have given them a store or two and said ... Go here, and order by this date.  That way it's pretty brainless KWIM?

</div>

sparent2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_how-to-politely-remind-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:69235369-4845-4e0e-861c-00c0af29b0bcPost:bdfbea30-9920-48d8-a33b-04aa835a4879">Re: How to politely remind BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to politely remind BMs : That's really vague.  If you want action give them a deadline date.  I did the whole vague thing and realized for my peace of mind I had to have a specific date.  I felt weird putting my foot down, but in the end it worked out for the best and they all had it by that date.  Also, do they know where specifically they can find anything from that collection?  Being me, I would have given them a store or two and said ... Go here, and order by this date.  That way it's pretty brainless KWIM?
Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with lbarr. You should say hey you need to order it from ___ by April 24th.

CowgirlK39

I told them to google salons in their cities to find out who sells it or use the Jasmin bridal site to locate a store. It was too much of a hassle to get everyone here to order so I told them to just find whatever was closest to them. My MOH is here for the time being, and has tried on a ton of dresses and had one in mind that she liked, but never said "yes I'll take this one" and hasn't ordered anything. The girl who told me to order it for her never said anything about not being able to find a store, it just sounded more like she didn't want to have to look, or just didn't have time.

So if I tell them to order by, say, the 28th, do I have to put in the whole "or you aren't in the WP" thing? I hate to come off as a zilla but this is getting ridic.

ejheart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_how-to-politely-remind-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:69235369-4845-4e0e-861c-00c0af29b0bcPost:c81893fc-e9c1-4391-9c79-67242edd21de">Re: How to politely remind BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]DB doesn't have anythying close to the color I want. I told them to pick any chiffon dress from Jasmin Bridal/B2 collection from anywhere in their hometowns that have that collection and get it in a certain green. I told them to order them sometime this month and to my knowledge, 2/3 havent even looked yet, and no one has ordered. Then I have one BM who wants me to just order whatever for her here and hope it fits when she gets here in Sept. They all agreed to wear cowboy boots, but no one has gotten those yet either (those don't have to be done yet though so no biggie). I just feel like I need to light a match under their backsides. It's very embarrassing when people ask me what my BMs are doing and wearing and I just say "I have no idea."
Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]

If I were you I would take the extra step to figure out where a store is that each of them can buy from. Just get their zip codes and search it for them. I'm just thinking that if I were them, and I wasn't even sure where to buy the dress from, I would be putting it off, too. Give them each a couple of options that are in their area.

Also, I would give them the deadline, but no, I wouldn't include the "or else your out of the WP" business. They'll know that if they don't do it there will be consequences, and unfortunately you WILL come off kinda zilla-esque (IMO). :)

lbarr088

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_how-to-politely-remind-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:69235369-4845-4e0e-861c-00c0af29b0bcPost:09fff727-e988-49e3-b172-67de3c67d99e">Re: How to politely remind BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to politely remind BMs : If I were you I would take the extra step to figure out where a store is that each of them can buy from. Just get their zip codes and search it for them. I'm just thinking that if I were them, and I wasn't even sure where to buy the dress from, I would be putting it off, too. Give them each a couple of options that are in their area. Also, I would give them the deadline, but no,<strong> I wouldn't include the "or else your out of the WP" business. </strong>They'll know that if they don't do it there will be consequences, and unfortunately you WILL come off kinda zilla-esque (IMO). :)
Posted by ejheart[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed.</div><div>
</div><div>By giving them a deadline to order the dresses I think the whole "OR ELSE!" is implied ;)</div>

CowgirlK39

Well, thanks girls. I'm to the point where if I had known my own friends would be like this I wouldn't have had a WP. I guess its starting to become more evident how polarized we are becoming. Guess I just wasn't really willing to admit it.

Should I call each girl or send an email? I sent an email a few months ago when I first told them what to do about this, and no one ever replied or agreed/disagreed or whatever. I reached out for input and got nothing so I guess that's why I am still getting nothing.

katiebugdragonfly

I think most bms think its your wedding and they will do whatever you want.  They don't want to be a bother so they don't have an opinion.  My bm told me she would wear a chicken suit, so getting her to have an opinion was like pulling teeth.  It was easier if I just picked for them.  

fewer choices and more structure  might help.