September 2012 Weddings

Furious.

I'm so done with this wedding crap. I'm sick of all the drama and problems we are having, none of which is anything we have done... it's all other people.

I went to my cousin's wedding this weekend. It was nice (reception was weird but thats another topic), but my brother came into town with his FI. They made stuck up, snarky comments about everything the whole time, and a number were directed at us. At one point, i was so upset by the relentless attack on our wedding that I was actually bummed out, and not enjoying myself at all. My brother's FI even said the centerpieces at this wedding were "cheap" and said she intended to spend money where it mattered, and get floral centerpieces, not chinsy ones. RUDE! She made sarcastic comments about the music I was planning to have, and my brother told someone that we "stole" their date (keep in mind, we picked our date before they were even engaged).

I played phone tag with the BM who is supposed to be ordering the dresses. She called me back but I was at the wedding so I didn't have my phone on me. I tried calling her the next day but no answer. She didn't leave a message saying the dresses have/have not been ordered, so I don't know what's going on, at all. I told FSIL about the dilema and she snapped at me, saying "Oh don't be that way!!!!!" My FI stood up for me though, and explained to her the problems we have had involving the WP. She just rolled her eyes, as if I am asking too much to have some damn dresses ordered.

I felt so sad too, watching the BMs help the bride with everything. They fixed her dress, held things for her, and gathered people who needed to be gathered for pics. I know mine won't be like that, and its hurtful. I didn't ask too much of anyone. Our wedding is low key. I was 100% flexible, even when i should not have been. Now I don't even know if I have BMs, since i haven't spoken to any of them in probably over a month.

*sigh* sorry for the vent.

Re: Furious.

  • Next time you hear a snotty comment from your Brother or FSIL, I would just say "Sounds like you are focusing on the wrong stuff, I'm just so excited to be married to FI"
    And honestly, I think thats what you need to think about to get over this. Who cares about everything else, just enjoy your day with FI.

    Sorry you had a rough weekend!

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  • *HUGS*

    It is okay. Don't let your brother and his FI snarky remarks get to you. If you love the details of YOUR wedding then it is perfect.

    If your BMs are not there for you, then ask them what's going on in their life unrelated to your wedding. Maybe they are dealing with finals or pressures from work. Relationship problems that you don't know about b/c they haven't spoken to you. Be the one to reach out, but don't do it for your wedding. Do it for your friendship.

    Keep in mind you asked these girls to stand up with you b/c you love them and they love you. If they can't stand up b/c of financial reasons (ordering the dresses indicates this may be a problem), let them know you're okay with that and you understand. Let them know you just want their support and love when you marry this man.
  • i hear you.
    i feel the same way sometimes. i try to not let it get to me. but my FMIL is a little over the top and high strung. i am terrified for my shower this weekend that my MOH and mom have planned. we are having one shower in RI where I live and my mom is in CT. FMIL and her family are in NJ and since she did not think they would come to RI. i just don't want this weekend to turn into the "FMIL show" like it seems like the wedding is becoming. don't even start me on the dress she chose. it also hurts me to hear that MOH has had it with her and is making her upset. FMIL is trying to reason with MOH and tell her i wouldn't want the ideas she has planned. i am registered for 2 pillows - maybe i will at least get one so i can knock her out if needed :P
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_furious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:6d8a0e47-13a9-4e1b-aa38-f3871adbe527Post:cf664bb3-e0c9-41d9-abc6-638fab6c3162">Re: Furious.</a>:
    [QUOTE]*HUGS* It is okay. Don't let your brother and his FI snarky remarks get to you. If you love the details of YOUR wedding then it is perfect. <strong>If your BMs are not there for you, then ask them what's going on in their life unrelated to your wedding. Maybe they are dealing with finals or pressures from work. Relationship problems that you don't know about b/c they haven't spoken to you. Be the one to reach out, but don't do it for your wedding. Do it for your friendship. Keep in mind you asked these girls to stand up with you b/c you love them and they love you</strong>. If they can't stand up b/c of financial reasons (ordering the dresses indicates this may be a problem), let them know you're okay with that and you understand. Let them know you just want their support and love when you marry this man.
    Posted by AshnRobo[/QUOTE]

    Been there, done all that. We rarely talk about the wedding at all actually. The BM who has given me all the problems went thru a bad break up, and I answered the phone everytime she needed to vent. MOH and I were concerned for her safety (guy was a real whacko) and we told her she was more than welcome to stay with us anytime. I've even walked out of dates with FI to talk to her on the phone when she was having problems. I allowed her to decide what dress to wear, and the other two BMs agreed... then she never, in 5 months, tried it on. I asked that they be ordered prior to MOH and the BM going on vacation to hawaii, to avoid any undue financial issues. She refused to order it when I asked, but then told me she will order all three at once, so obviously money isn't the problem. I cut MOH a ton of slack, and she is not at all the problem. She finished medical school, moved to another town for her residency, and STILL has been more helpful than the other two.

    I have not asked for anything other than the dresses be ordered, and I'm not sure if that has happened. I know they are busy and have lives and I respect that but I cannot do everything myself.

    To top things off, FMIL was talking about something last nite, and mentioned that FFIL bought her a butterfly pin from the flea market for her hat. I didn't think much of it until she told me its for our wedding, and it occured to me that she is wearing a tacky cowboy hat with her dress. She thinks our wedding is a costume party. Omg.
  • Sorry that you're having to deal with this. I have one BM talking behind my back making up lies about demands I'm apparently making to make me look like a bridezilla to my family. Weddings really do bring out the worst in people!
  • It's funny how differently I experience other people's weddings now... I never really noticed all the details and didn't really listen to all the comments made by guests. I too attended a wedding on the weekend and despite it being soooo far from what our wedding will be, I took it all in and enjoyed seeing the bride and groom so happy.
    In the end, that's what we all have to focus on and just tune out the snarky comments because we can't let them ruin such a beautiful day.
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  • Oh, honey. You're breaking my heart. I'm sorry they're being like that. I, now, remember reading about your BM being a problem. I think as long as you're doing all you can then that literally is all you can do. Don't worry about it too much. If they get the dress, then they get it. If they don't, they don't.

    I'd be really annoyed about FMIL wearing a hat too. But, to give you some perspective, at least she is going. My FI's entire family is not going to his wedding. How shitty is that?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_furious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:6d8a0e47-13a9-4e1b-aa38-f3871adbe527Post:27d53bd3-3ce2-4ec8-8247-0c2aa13a6103">Re: Furious.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, honey. You're breaking my heart. I'm sorry they're being like that. I, now, remember reading about your BM being a problem. I think as long as you're doing all you can then that literally is all you can do. Don't worry about it too much. <strong>If they get the dress, then they get it. If they don't, they don't.</strong> I'd be really annoyed about FMIL wearing a hat too. But, to give you some perspective, at least she is going. <strong>My FI's entire family is not going to his wedding. How shitty is that?</strong>
    Posted by AshnRobo[/QUOTE]

    <div>OP, I agree with "if they get it then great if not oh well". I would just say whatever at this point. If they get them then great. If not, then they've taken themselves out of the wedding. All 3 of my BMs bought dresses too small because they're going to "lose weight". Not to be a downer on people losing weight, but I know all of these girls are super busy and broke (so it's mostly junk food). Plus two of them have been posting on their Facebooks for months about how they need to go to the gym... but never do. Know what I've done? Said "great! You guys have dresses!" and left it at that. I don't have time or energy to worry about whether they'll fit or not. It's up to them now.</div><div>
    </div><div>Ash: That is isanely shitty of them. I'm worried that most of FI's family won't come because they can't be inconvenienced to travel about 3-4 hours for his wedding day. I don't know... it irks me because we do that at least once (or twice) a year just to visit and then <em>another</em> 4 hours to visit my dad. People suck.</div>
  • Big Hugs Cowgirl!

    I know you've mentioned your brother and his FI before and that they suck.  Really it sounds like they think this is some big competition of all the weddings so if they knock everyone else's details theirs is the "best."  That's a load of crap and everyone knows it.  Everyone is going to think their wedding is the best because it is theirs.  I like Callmefia's response to them because that IS what is important (especially since you are over your own details at this point).  You aren't going to please everyone so for this day, just please yourself!


    Your BMs are such a PITA!  Sorry if that is mean but I want to shake them for you.  At this point I'd let it be and just whatever happens happens.  Because if you feel like they aren't going to dote over you on your day (not to be a bridezilla but that is basically what they are supposed to do) then you won't really miss them as far as support goes, right?  I feel so frustrated for you and hope everything works out so that at least you can relax and enjoy your day.  *hugs*

  • jjswinjjswin member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_furious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:6d8a0e47-13a9-4e1b-aa38-f3871adbe527Post:1f4f66b2-d4b3-4883-8035-750f8905139d">Re: Furious.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Next time you hear a snotty comment from your Brother or FSIL, I would just say "Sounds like you are focusing on the wrong stuff, I'm just so excited to be married to FI" And honestly, I think thats what you need to think about to get over this. Who cares about everything else, just enjoy your day with FI. Sorry you had a rough weekend!
    Posted by Callmefia[/QUOTE]

    I'm with you on this one. A wedding is about your marriage not how great your wedding was. Don't get me wrong everyone wants a nice wedding but in the end only you and FI will remember every detail about your wedding and if you guys are happy thats all that matters. If I was you next time FSIL runs her mouth just sit there and when she stops talking just say "are you done?"
  • Thanks girls. Ash, I remeber you saying how they refuse to attend. Stuff like that makes me mad, along with this BM drama... if these are friends/family a bride/groom cares about, why should it not go both ways? If a friend/family member needed something, I'm sure there isn't a girl on these boards who wouldn't go help. So why is it that when someone is about to experience the happiest day of their life that friends/family just can't be bothered anymore? Instead of being a bride, if we were laying in a bed dying, family would be there. So why can't they be there when its a HAPPY thing? I guess these are just things I wonder about sometimes.

    Morena, I keep telling myself to have that attitude. It helps hearing someone else say that and encourage me to keep thinking that way.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_furious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:6d8a0e47-13a9-4e1b-aa38-f3871adbe527Post:6d01f017-6754-4f97-82f1-5353313ef771">Re: Furious.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks girls. Ash, I remeber you saying how they refuse to attend. Stuff like that makes me mad, along with this BM drama... if these are friends/family a bride/groom cares about, why should it not go both ways? If a friend/family member needed something, I'm sure there isn't a girl on these boards who wouldn't go help. So why is it that when someone is about to experience the happiest day of their life that friends/family just can't be bothered anymore? Instead of being a bride, if we were laying in a bed dying, family would be there. So why can't they be there when its a HAPPY thing? I guess these are just things I wonder about sometimes. Morena, I keep telling myself to have that attitude. It helps hearing someone else say that and encourage me to keep thinking that way.
    Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]

    I know what you mean. I really irks me too. I know that when any of my friends or family are moving or planning a party (wedding or not) I offer to help and then follow through on the offer. It really sucks when no one returns the favor.

    If I lived anywhere near you, I would be hugging you and asking what you need me to do. It really upsets me when people treat their loved ones like this. I guess we are all guilty at some point.
  • 12KellyMo8512KellyMo85 member
    First Comment
    edited June 2012
    Some good advice for you, don't you dare worry about what other people say or think becasue no matter what, haters or jealous people that attend your wedding are going to have things to say no matter what! It's your day to remember, not theirs. But, unfortauntely they are going to talk. Your wedding will no matter what be beautiful as all weddings are, no matter how different they are! If everyone had the same wedding it would be boring.

    Don't let the stress get to you. Not all wedding parties are the same. Everyone's relatinship with their BMs are diffferent. Take everything as it comes and enjoy the day. It will be the quickest and most expensive 4 hours of your life!!
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