need to vent about MOH

URIsweethearts

hi all -
just a vent that has to be made...
my wedding is fast approaching as we all are! 9/14...
so yesterday my MOH met me at the shop where we got the BM dresses from.
I was just going to pick up the dresses - for all 3 of my girls since 2 are out of state and keep them at my house.
anyways, so she came and tried on the dress.
I was a little nervous about the color - a kiwi green - but it came out great.
her trying it on - not so great. she kinda had a tampertantrum in the bridal shop.
she was complaining about this and that and everything else that she didn't like about the dress.
back story - she was there when we picked it and it was her favorite!
so - here we are -everything is wrong. it's not pressed, she doesn't like the bow, the straps, etc.
it was really embarassing because i got my dress there and they do tuxes down stairs and everyone has been really nice to work with.

i know she has a lot on her plate with just getting engaged herself (in april) and starting grad school in august. she is basically trying to plan the whole wedding before she starts school - not impossible, but stressful. I am trying to chalk it up to anxiety about all those things, but she really hurt my feelings in front of the sales girls who again have been great and in the dress i really liked. now she wants to change the dress - take off the bow, add a brooch and i like the bow...ugh...my mom thinks i should let her take the bow off if she wants because the MOH dress sometimes is different anyways...

i am just not sure how to approach her or if I should at all - i know the dress was expensive and things are tight for her right now. i am just confused because she has been really great MOH until this fit - planning the shower/bachelorette, very supportive etc.

thanks for letting me vent about this - i was just really shocked when she like flew off the handle.
ps - what did those of you with OOT BMs do about shoes...
she wants them all to get these $200 shoes from jcrew and I have told her I don't like the color and they are too expensive- I want silver and you can get any price range, style, comfort you want - any ideas of how to tackle this?
sorry SO long!

sparent2010

Shoes- send out an email saying hey I want this shoe. Silver, any style whatever. There is nofuckingway I would have them spend $200 on a pair of shoes.

Your MOH is your best  friend so you should be able to just talk with her, and if you don't want the dress changed say so. If it is NBD and she is willing to pay for the changes then whatever.

mtnbrooke7

She's probably just stressed out. Maybe she will chill out a bit and forget about it. If she wants to have her dress changed a little (bow off, brooch on, whatever), then that's not a big deal if she's willing to pay for it.  $200 shoes on the other hand...!!!!!  Whoa!!  Um...no. 

BMcLeodTeam

There is no way I'd be requesting they buy $200 shoes! Pick a colour and let them know to find a pair of shoes in that colour. No one is going to notice that they aren't all identical and it makes things MUCH easier on your girls. Also, everyone's feet are different, this way they can all get shoes that they are comfortable in!

ErinW1912

I say let her calm down it is probably stress and then discuss the dress with her. 

The shoes i would not pay $200 for shoes my bridal shoes did not cost that much. I am also going with silver shoes for my BM I found a bunch of shoes everything from 21/2 in heels to open toe flats to flip flops-sent them pictures and websites/stores they could buy them from with prices listed ($25-50) and asked that they let me know which shoes they like best by the middle of june so then we can cohesively pick shoes as a group by the end of june and then they would have 2 months to buy them (beginning of Sept-wedding is at the end of Sept). 

happe2gether

I told them the color and the style type.  Leaving it up to them.  Thankfully they are emailing me pictures before they purchase shoe. 
STFD!! Hell no am I making them pay $200! Thats more than their dresses 

CowgirlK39

I agree that you should let her calm down about the dress, and even if she wants small changes, I'd just let her do it. It was not appropriate for her to throw the tantrum, but just step away and let her settle down. I don't know where she gets off trying to dictate what your other BMs should wear, though. That's not her call. Just give general shoe guidelines, and if you want them all to wear the same shoe, ask their opinion and ask them to try them.

I asked my girls if they would be adversed to wearing cowboy boots. I told them that they are NOT cheap, but you can order slightly cheaper ones online. They all supported the idea, and all I said is that they had to be brown... any shade. So just talk to your girls and ask what they want.

URIsweethearts

thank you all for your replies.
i will let her calm down.
but you are all right, totally inappropriate to throw a fit and dictate what the others should wear.
the shoe thing -she does need to come back to reality a bit. and as someone else said, yes, that would be more than the dress!!!

mamameech

I didn't even spent $200 on my shoes (in fact I bought 2 pairs for under $100). I would never expect anyone in my wedding to pay that much; not very considerate IMO.

As others have said, she is you best friend so talk to her. She probably is stressed out; I know I can fly off the handle so easily when I'm reaching my breaking point and I tend to do it with the people I feel closest to. I'm not condoning her behaviour because it was really inconsiderate to you, however maybe she needs a friend right now. Maybe you guys could do something together that NWR to let her breathe some fresh air for a bit?

gabriel0915

Definitely talk to her. She just needs to relax a little. It's just a dress and it's way too late to order a new one. Plus, you like it. She'll get over it. Never in a million years would I let my friends pay $200 for shoes. I just said "I want black satin shoes. No sandals." That was it. It was easiest and I know it will look great.