Invite question includes a little family drama

gabriel0915

Hey girls. Here is my issue. We are having a small wedding. 60 people including me and my fi. We have sent out our STD and have 1 more to send out (once FI gets the damn address lol). My issue is this. My aunt and uncle have been invited. I love them dearly but there has been some issues with their son, who is about 40. He broke into my other aunt's home while she was on a trip with my grand parents and they pressed charges on him. My aunt (his mother) refuses to speak to my g-ma and my other aunt (her sisters) because they pressed charges and he is in prison. We have invited them to the wedding knowing pretty well that they will not come. They arne't even speaking to their daughter or their grandkids because she knows her brother is a complete POS. My question is...do we go ahead and send another STD out to someone, pretty much knowing they won't show or just hold tight?

Sorry if this is confusing. I can definitely clarify anything that needs it. I tried to give it the easiest summary as possible. Thanks girls!

romamor4

I totally understand your confusion! I have some similiar circumstances with my guest list. I wish I knew what to tell you. I've been sort of waiting it out, and haven't sent out STDs to the people in question yet. I figure I can always send them an invite later on even if I didn't send an STD. HTH

morenachica110

I would hold tight and see how everything goes. STDs can't be taken back so I would invite to your aunt and uncle and if it seems they aren't going to come, then you can send and extra invitation (and not an A list/B list thing).

BMcLeodTeam

You can always send an invite later, I would hold off on the STD.

volleygurl0306

I would if you have an extra one.  If you need to order another 25 or so just to get them their one STD I'd say don't worry about it.  If you already have it though it's costing you 44 cents and a nice gesture.  While I know family problems extend beyond those directly involved, they did not do anything to you or your FI.  I'd send it and they may confirm that they aren't coming (always still send the invite though).  Who knows, maybe they do want to show their support and will stop by the ceremony but skip out on the reception to avoid people.  I think if it doesn't cost you more than a stamp to just make the gesture. 

EDIT:  I think I understood it as you were inviting them for sure.  After reading PP I think I was wrong.  If you are thinking you may drop them from the guest list, then hold off on the STD

gabriel0915

Yeah, it's been weird because even my dad and my grandparents told me to go ahead and invite someone else because they haven't talked to her in almost a year. She is just in denial that her son is a drugged up loser that will never get any better and it sucks.

akbrown19

I think it depends on how strict your venue is or you personally are about the number of guests you're having.

My dad wants me to invite his cousin and his wife and two kids. I counted up our guests that we know aren't coming and, including all the people we know will come plus those we are not sure puts us exactly at 170 people, which is our venue's max. We are already in trouble if anybody we think isn't coming decides to show, but there will probably be some we're not sure about who won't come, so hopefully it will all balance out.

In the end, I decided NOT to invite my dad's cousin/family because 1. I haven't seen them in 3+ years, 2. my dad didn't include this person when we initially asked him what guests he wanted to invite and 3. they would probably come and if everyone else who we aren't sure about shows up, we literally won't have room.

So, in summary, if you have a little flexibility and there is someone in particular you'd really like to have that you weren't able to invite because of your aunt, then go ahead and invite them, but if you can't 100% count on your aunt not showing up and you are restricted with numbers, don't send out another STD.

gabriel0915

Our venue is very strict about the amount of people that we are allowed to have. We can have 60 for a sit down dinner or 75 with a cocktail hour. We are doing dinner. I went ahead and told FI that I need that last address, we have ONE extra spot and to keep a couple or 2 people in mind in case they don't come but I don't want to send anything out to anyone yet. Family drama is such a pain lol

Clarustin2011

I agree with PP that stated that this is family drama that didn't affect you personally. I would not send a STD but send an invite. Let them decide if they want to support you and put the family drama aside.