September 2012 Weddings

My Crazy FMIL Strikes Again (long, cause she is just obnoxous).

That woman, I swear I could just shake her.

1.  She has decided that it is time to start planning the rehearsal dinner.  Now, we booked the location months ago.  Restaurants that can accommodate our large (read: 82 people, yes I am serious) rehearsal dinner book up quickly.  She made this big stink about how we just have to go to NC on this specific weekend to talk to the place and that she just must see the reception space and she just needs see my childhood home.

My parents flipped out because they are renovating all their bathrooms and they were worried she would be upset that she couldn't stay at their house and that she would think they are rude (she is very southern and is big on "manners").  I made appointments with the restaurant, the reception space, and calmed my parents down--they were talking about rescheduling the renovation start date to accommodate her.

She has lunch with FI today and proclaims that the upcoming weekend is no longer "good for her" because she forgot it was her best friend's birthday and she just must host a dinner party that Saturday night for her so we will just have to reschedule....for when it is better for her.  Needless to say I was NOT pleased.


2.  She keeps e-mailing me about hotels to stay at for the wedding.  Now, I already have 40 rooms reserved at two different hotels but apparently her family would never stay at a Hilton or a Marriott.  Apparently, they are totally low class and I've embarrassed her.  I totally disagree.  I gave her the names of some nicer hotels in the area and asked her to please NOT recommend anyone stay at one specific hotel because FI and I will be staying there on our wedding night and we really don't want to run into anyone in the elevator (awkward!--we did that to a bride & groom once).  So of course at lunch she tells FI that she is suggesting ALL her friends and family stay at the one hotel I asked her to not recommend.

She has such blatant disrespect for anything I say (and apparently for my family's plans).  FI is going to talk to her about it, but I am really pissed off and offended.  She is not helping our already strained relationship. 
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Re: My Crazy FMIL Strikes Again (long, cause she is just obnoxous).

  • Wow, your FMIL sounds LOVELY. I mean really, a Hilton or Marriott is low class? Give me an effing break. Tell her to fork out the money for her family to stay at the Ritz Carlton then.

    Your FI really needs to sit her down and have a serious talk with her about her behavior. This isn't her wedding, and unless she's contributing monetarily, she doesn't get to call the shots.
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  • SCogs18SCogs18 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited February 2012
    Oh she is just such a peach!  This past summer I compained about her on here (I don't remember if you had joined the board yet) because she told me "her son deserved better," that I was "a lazy b!tch who will never be sucessful and will just live off her son's earnings" (I had just been laid off...and I have my own money), and that "she wanted HER diamond back." (FI proposed with a family stone that his dad gave her when they got married and she kept it in the divorce).

    The only reason she is in our life or invited to the wedding is because I love Cary very much and I tollerate her for him.

    And no, she isn't contributing any money to the wedding.  She made it very clear that etiquette dictates it is my parent's "job" to pay for the wedding.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_my-crazy-fmil-strikes-again-long-cause-she-is-just-obnoxous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:7fc16968-2d25-42ff-b361-53e6df782b2dPost:1906ba64-3b71-4aea-a950-99923c590631">Re: My Crazy FMIL Strikes Again (long, cause she is just obnoxous).</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh she is just such a peach!  This past summer I compained about her on here (I don't remember if you had joined the board yet) because she told me "her son deserved better," that I was "a lazy b!tch who will never be sucessful and will just live off her son's earnings" (I had just been laid off...and I have my own money), and that "she wanted HER diamond back." (FI proposed with a family stone that his dad gave her when they got married and she kept it in the divorce). The only reason she is in our life or invited to the wedding is because I love Cary very much and I tollerate her for him. And no, she isn't contributing any money to the wedding.  She made it very clear that etiquette dictates it is my parent's "job" to pay for the wedding.
    Posted by SCogs18[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Wow. Just wow.</div><div>
    </div><div>I really hope your FI can get through to her :-/

    </div>
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  • Oh WOW I guess I should be greatful that my FMIL doesn't want a damn thing to do with our wedding. I'm glad your FI is going to talk to her though!
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  • Wooowww, I thought I had it bad. That's terrible. Your FI absolutely should talk to her. Like you said, she is intentionally going against your wishes, and thats downright rude. Apparently she isn't too concerned about etiquette if she's doing that! What a B. I feel so sorry for you. :(
  • I think I'm starting to loathe your FMIL as much as much as you do. -.-

    I wouldn't tell her anything anymore. And when she says she must come down for a specific weekend, I would start avoiding her calls. It's brutal, but sometimes I have to do that to my mom.

    God, what an awful woman.
  • WOW! I complain about my FMIL but she's nothing compared to yours.  Are you Catholic because someone should ask the church to make you a Saint.  If my FMIL said those things to me I'd probably choke her with my bare hands.  For a Southern woman who is all about manners she doesn't seem to have very many herself.  I'm sorry she's making it so difficult on you.  At least FI is there and seems to be on your side through all this.
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  • Mark her as spam in your inbox and just simply say you never got her emails. It isn't your job to book hotels for his family. You simply made a kind gesture by reserving a block for guests. If she brings up going to your hometown again to "inspect" your venues, just tell her that you no longer have time in your schedule.

    I'm honestly disappointed in your FI, but I respect he is going to talk to her. I just know that if it were me and my FI didn't put her in her place I would be furious. You are the woman he has choosen and she needs to accept that, and treat you with the respect that the woman of his dreams deserves. The end.
  • edited February 2012
    I just smiled when I read this because it all sounds waaay too familiar (unfortunately for both of us!).  The intentional crappiness, while trying to pull it off as "manners", or concerns for the guests, or I must have taken it the wrong way.  My saving grace is that my FI can't ignore what she is doing anymore or make excuses for her because she is so blatantly rude sometimes.  Once I realized that everyone else around me realizes she is just making a rude @ss out of herself, I don't respond anymore and remove myself from the situation.  She will just keep digging her hole deeper and deeper and I actually look like the one with manners and grace by not responding in kind.  Keep venting here and to your close friends and you will continue to come out on top.  Also, do you have to be involved in the RD planning?  I would back out of that situation and just let her handle it, despite her attempts to rope you in (just so she can bash you or make your life miserable).  Simply tell her that you already set aside one weekend and lined everything up for her once and you just don't have the time to do it again.  Give her the contact info for the places she needs and leave it at that. 
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