Shower Question

danigirl7181 · May 2012

I work at a hospital with a lot of really great people but I can't invite all of them to the dinner part of the wedding. I will be putting a sign up that invites everyone to the reception. Usually we have showers (baby/wedding) while we work and everyone brings in a dish to pass. One of my bridesmaid used to work here, but now works else where, she is throwing the shower outside of work along with my mom. Should I invite all my coworkers to the shower or just the ones that are invited to the dinner? A card is usually put out where people can can sign and add money to it toward a gift (this is how it is normally done, I'm actully the one that takes charge of this most of the time and buys the presents, so I'm not snooping around), I feel like I should invite people to the shower if they add money, right?

But if I invite people to the wedding and not the dinner I will feel like I am just asking for a present which I'm not.

What do I do?

volleygurl0306 · May 2012

Well, just throwing out what the typical etiquette reponse is that you shouldn't invite anyone you can't afford to feed and everyone invited to the ceremony has to be invited to the reception. The reception is meant as a thank you to people for attending your ceremony and the ceremony is the gift giving event of the wedding. Also, shower guests should only be people invited to the full wedding.

Now, since I'm not an etiquette enforcer I understand life doesn't fit cookie cutter into that. But, I definitely would NOT invite people to a shower based on money! Not to be mean but that sounds horrible...like people are only close enough to be at your shower if they buy you presents. I would leave the work people out of your other shower if they are throwing you a work shower. If you can't invite all of them, it would probably be easiest to invite none of them. And, is it normal at your place of work to just invite people to the dancing part of the evening? If that is what everyone does and everyone is cool with it, I think it is fine. If this is a new thing you are trying I would just tread carefully with it because some people might feel slighted that they aren't "good enough" to see you get married and get dinner. Every group has its own dynamics so I'm not going to throw some blanket "this is what you have to do." I just don't want you to be blindsided if someone gets pissy

BMcLeodTeam · May 2012

I wouldn't invite the people not getting invited. If they decide to throw you a work shower, then great, but I think it would seem gift grabby to invite them to anything other than that.