Shower etiquette question

CowgirlK39

If someone is throwing a shower, how much say does a bride get in it?

My mom and FMIL constantly want me to help them pick out things for the shower. My mom was bugging me all weekend about making invites for the shower. Personally, I would send people a piece of paper that says when and where to be if they wanna. My FMIL is constantly texting me, and asking me every time she sees me what I want for this or that involving the shower. She pretty much wants me to tell her what to do for it, right down to what table cloths to put on. In short... I DON'T CARE. If someone wants to throw me a shower, cool, they can do whatever they want. Should I be that involved in planning it? Or is this mostly resting on the host of the shower to decide decor, food, etc?

rbwashington2012

For my bridal shower, the colleage from work that is throwing me the shower had me involved with the planning cause she didn't have a clue about certain things. So I gave her the guest list, date and location information. The invites and anything else she said she will handle, party favors, games etc. In your case, I would say be involved since they are asking you about information they need. Despite them hosting, sounds like they just want you to be happy and make it perfect for you. I understand your frustation with the million and one questions, I got that from my colleague and I just said let me send you some information that will help you out cause you are going WAYYYYY overboard and I am as simple and plain as vanilla ice cream on a summer day.

Fluffernut

Generally, the bride has a say about guest list but that's about it.  It's nice that they want you to enjoy it and since they are asking for your opinion, feel free to give it as much or as little as you like.

sparent2010

You give them a guest list, and that's really it.

My sister might ask my opinion, but they are not asking me to do invites, plan food, favors etc.

egm900

I gave my MOH the guest list, and tossed out that it might be easier for the BM helping plan (who just had a baby) if it was in the same city were getting married in, as it is centrally located.  They gave me a couple of choices for the date, and other than that, I've not been involved.  I think it's also different since your mom and FMIL are planning yours.  If my mom was planning mine, I think she would ask my opinion a lot more.

mamameech

My sis asked for contact info and she ran ideas and stuff by me, but she took care of EVERYTHING. Well, I'm writing the thank you notes

CowgirlK39

They have their respective guest lists. I'm having two showers because FMIL couldn't stand the thought of not being the center off attention so she demanded she throw me one herself. But FMIL keeps bothering me about what decorations I want, and just texted me a bit ago to ask if I wanted to go with her to shop for more decor for it. I told her no because I have so much other stuff to do on my only 8 hour work day (as opposed to 12), but I wasn't sure if I am even supposed to be planning this with her.

volleygurl0306

You aren't supposed to host a shower because it is typically a gift-giving thing and it is considered rude to host something for the purposes of receiving gifts.  Since they are hosting it though, it seems like they just want you to like what they do (not sure 100% of everything she says but it seems like your FMIL who I know you've had trouble with actually cares about your feelings on this....enjoy that b/c doesn't seem like she does often).  You don't have to be overly involved if you don't want to since you do have a wedding to worry about (on top of work and everything else).  Since you do have different taste from your FMIL you could voice your opinion (when asked) on some things to make sure it is something to your liking.  Or if you just want them to do whatever, I'd simply say "I am so appreciative you are doing this for me and know that whatever you pick out will be great."  Telling them you trust what they will do may make them feel more secure in their decisions (maybe FMIL is finally realizing you two aren't alike and she is trying to respect that???? a girl can dream).  If you are being asked for your opinion and you have one though, I wouldn't worry about being struck down by the etiquette gods.  It would be an issue if you butt in your opinions where they were not asked for.

irshdancr5500

Since it seems like you'd rather not have every detail ran by you, I would consider telling them something like, "I'm sure anything you pick out will be lovely. I'd really like to be surpised by the end product!" and hopefully they'll get on board with planning something FOR you instead of with you.

jessa1228

The only thing I told my MOH was to have it on a Sunday afternoon because I know that time is most convenient for my coworkers, who will be making up the majority of the guestlist. She told me how many people she can accommodate, so I made my guest list knowing that. I think the only things specifically that she asked me were what my favorite flavor cake was and something about favors. Outside of that, I know no details.

CowgirlK39

Thanks girls. I guess I will just kinda guide her in the right direction. I have enough to deal with, I certainly don't wanna deal with planning any additional things. Last night she bombarded me with invite ideas, and then told me that FSIL could print these out online. FSIl has her own wedding stuff to do and I do not want her to feel obligated to help me! So I plan to just send FSIL a text and let her know that I am not the one looking for her to do this and she should by no means feel that she has to do anything.

The Fords

Im having two showers. One here and one in my old college town. I have tons of friends there that really wanted to do something for me ! The shower here my MOH is planning from Florida and I live in Ohio. She has asked me lots of things but mainly wants it to be a surprise. I like it that way...I have enough other planning stuff to deal with lol . As for the
2nd shower ...I dont have to do anything