Ok, so FI and I were already starting to talk to people in our wedding party, mainly because it is a destination wedding, its going to be 99% family, and a lot of the people we want involved are struggling financially so we want to not only give them enough time to save up, but also see what we can do to help.
My best friend is male, which has not be an issue for us because we're not totally traditional in our wedding anyway. I spoke with his wife prior to even asking him, asking her if it would be ok, and making sure that she would be comfortable with the idea of him standing on my side. She confirmed that was fine, and thought it was a cute idea.
Last night however he advised that he can't do it because she is totally against the idea... frustrated about the whole situation... disappointed... but at the end of the day reminding myself there is only one person whose absence could make or break my day, and that's FI...