So who else is ready to just elope? lol

CowgirlK39

I am so stressed out with all my wedding stuff because I have gotten nothing done. I don't have time. I work 12 hours a day 5 days a week, and other two days are spent cleaning the apt and catching up on life. My BMs don't live around here (one does but she is a medical student so yeah..) so they can't help me, but they don't even call me, or answer my one single email I sent. My mom yelled at my FI and told him to get his butt going because there are a lot of people we are using that he has connections to, not me. He hasn't been working steadily so he has had all the time in the world, but hasn't done a single thing.

This all came to a head when we went to FSIL's house to celebrate her bday. She won a complete wedding package at a bridal show, so her wedding is pretty much all set. She deserves it, honestly. She's been engaged for years but hasn't had money to have a wedding. But now I get grilled from IL's asking how my plans are and all I can say is that I don't have time. FSIL's MOH is pretty much running her wedding for her, since she got married last year. I don't think FSIL has made a single decision without her MOH telling her what she should do. I left there feeling like a complete loser, and had a monsterous headache.

I don't even know WHAT to do next. We are still fine tunning the guest list, so I can't order invites yet. I told BMs to pick a darn dress but they are all making excuses ("I will come to town to do it with you but I dont know when that will be"), I need to meet with photog but thats hard when FI has his number but won't call him. I need to make a centerpiece mock up, but don't have time to put it together.

How do I make time to do any of this?? How do I enlist help? My FI is a procrastinator and doesn't understand the importance of getting people booked on time, so he has been no help. I think I need to take time off from my PT job just to make time, but I can't afford that. HELP.

meagandal

yup! I know thats not helpful but I feel you! Are you a list person? I totally am, I have a notebook that stays with me at all times, I make calls on my lunch hour, cross of and make new lists, rearrange my existing list and just try to be as organized as possible.  I'm to busy and all over the place to remember that thing i thought of this morning, let alone remember a name, date or website I need.  We went out of town and I brought laptop and bag o wedding planning and made calls and researched and planned and lited and calculated for the car ride both ways, Any time I sit still my notebook or laptop comes out! Its my second job right now.

Meanwhile FI still has no job, and our apartment still isn't rented!

mamameech

Wow I can feel the panic in your post!! DEEP BREATHS!!!
It can really be overwhelming and the thought of just running off to be wed is very tempting. And honestly, if you have this much anxiety and really want to simplify it, do it! It's your day!
I know that I was tempted at one point (ok a couple points haha) but I knew that in the end, that wasn't what I wanted to do. I just needed to focus, set myself some goals and priorities, and move forward. I've become a checklist whore! I have to do something every day and I feel good about where I stand.
Think about what you and FI really want; make a list of your priorities. Maybe a big wedding isn't what you really want and that's why it's causing you so much anxiety. I hate to see you be miserable this whole time for nothing!

josephwedding

I'm reallllly wishing I had pushed even harder for a small DW wedding. Especially since FI & I might have to worry about paying for a DJ. Dad's friend who DJ's had offered to do it as a gift for us. He & his wife have since moved to Florida & my dad threw a hissy fit about the venue requiring the DJ to have liability insurance. 

Ugh.  

abcollins08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_so-who-else-is-ready-to-just-elope-lol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:a2e32d3d-2f73-46f5-9abb-879f7c91ab0bPost:1cbf363c-fd4b-41c9-8877-b07907e009f0">Re: So who else is ready to just elope? lol</a>:
[QUOTE]yup! I know thats not helpful but I feel you! <strong>Are you a list person</strong>? I totally am, I have a notebook that stays with me at all times, I make calls on my lunch hour, cross of and make new lists, rearrange my existing list and just try to be as organized as possible.  I'm to busy and all over the place to remember that thing i thought of this morning, let alone remember a name, date or website I need.  We went out of town and I brought laptop and bag o wedding planning and made calls and researched and planned and lited and calculated for the car ride both ways, Any time I sit still my notebook or laptop comes out! Its my second job right now. Meanwhile FI still has no job, and our apartment still isn't rented!
Posted by meagandal[/QUOTE]

A list has been super helpful for me.  I keep my list as a draft email in gmail.  I check it daily and mark things off as I go.  It might seem overwhelming at first but you'll get it all done.
As for the bridesmaids, do you have a dress picked out and they just haven't ordered or are you letting them pick their dress?  Tell them it needs to be done ASAP so they can have time for any alterations that are needed.
You and FI should sit down and ask him to share all of the contact info that he has with you or he needs to get on the ball and make some phone calls.

morenachica110

There have definitely been a few times where I wanted to just elope. But, like Mama, I realized that that's not what I really wanted. So you have to decide what it is you really want. If you want to elope, then do it! If not, then try the lists. I have a million lists. Stuff to do, stuff to buy, people to talk to, a month by month list, etc. 

Katiesue04

Me!!!!!  We did nothing but fight this past weekend about the wedding, FI thinks since we budgeted said amount for the wedding we should use it all, I do not want to use all the money because we have 80,000 miles on his car and still have a two year loan out on it!  I hate that he has no concept of money!  We also only have a 1,000 dollar emergency savings which drives me crazy!

CowgirlK39

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_so-who-else-is-ready-to-just-elope-lol?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:a2e32d3d-2f73-46f5-9abb-879f7c91ab0bPost:2eadc6e9-9214-4ee6-8d67-5c9d7bdd619b">Re: So who else is ready to just elope? lol</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So who else is ready to just elope? lol : A list has been super helpful for me.  I keep my list as a draft email in gmail.  I check it daily and mark things off as I go.  It might seem overwhelming at first but you'll get it all done. As for the bridesmaids, do you have a dress picked out and they just haven't ordered or are you letting them pick their dress?  Tell them it needs to be done ASAP so they can have time for any alterations that are needed. You and FI should sit down and ask him to share all of the contact info that he has with you or he needs to get on the ball and make some phone calls.
Posted by abcollins08[/QUOTE]

I am a list person, and I have one right in front of me. But I can list all I want... nothing will get done if I don't have the time to do so. It is so frustrating because If i worked 40 hrs a week like a normal person, this stuff woulda been done months ago. But nooooo. lol.

As for the girls, I wanted them all in one dress, but one girl was not thrilled. So I took input on other dresses. I sent them an email (mind you, I have only done this 2x so its not like I am hitting them over the head with emails) and told them to find a local store, try which they liked and lemme know. I said they have to order them by April. No response. I called one girl and she said she was gonna start looking at them when she got time. Another hasn't had time to call me, and my MOH is super busy but I have seen her try the dresses on so Im not too concerned with her.  I'm not asking for them to call everyday but just acknowledge if that works for you or not!! Let me know if you are even alive! People are in total disbelief when I tell them my girls don't have a clue what they are wearing.

volleygurl0306

It's great that you are a list person.  The biggest thing I suggest now is prioritize.  Once you prioritize aim to check off just one thing a week.  I think it would be fair for FI to also have to check off one thing a week.  No offense, but why is your mom yelling at your FI and not you?  If this needs to be done, it should be coming from you.  And, he should care enough to do it when you ask.  If he doesn't care about a big wedding and you don't have time for a big wedding, maybe you should look into downscaling your wedding to something more manageable and in line with what your lives permit.

Are the girls just looking in a department store?  If they are looking in bridal stores, I think April may be a late deadline (my girls went to Macy's so don't quote me on it.  Hopefully someone could back me up) to get them on time and for alterations.  I also have had trouble with emailing my girls (I've also only sent two).  Some of them don't check emails?  What?  Who does that in this age of smartphones?  Those girls I know I have to shoot a text after I send the email.  Only 2 of my 6 girls are ever really responsive so I do have to call the rest.  You need to pick a firm deadline (I suggest ASAP and probably no later than mid March).  And, as tough as it sounds, they may need a fire under their butt so you need to say "hey I need your dress info and order confirmation by March 15 or unforunately you dress won't be ready and I'd hate for you not to be included as a BM because the dress didn't come in time."  Or something like that.  Also, if they aren't motivated to pick a dress, I'd go back to your original dress.  It IS difficult to find that universal dress but in the end it is your say.  If they can't handle the responsibility of picking a dress, do it for them.  That one girl can suck it up.  Maybe tell her if the girls don't all have a dress by x date, you are going to the original dress and if she hates it that much she'll get the other girls moving.

Breathe.  It'll turn out ok.  Just get a little more firm with the people you need help from.  These things have to get done so you aren't unreasonable to pick a deadline that is soon.  Good luck!