Vent: Really annoyed

AshnRobo

I got a text last night from a BM saying she can't afford the dress. Which I totally get. That's fine, but why would you wait until now? I already ordered their gifts. They've known about the dresses and the prices for a year.

Why wait until now to say something? Why not say something two months ago? Even a month ago?

I'm fine with her not being able to be in the party. I really am. I'm just annoyed that she waited so late to speak up and that I already bought her gifts. I guess I could save them and they could be her birthday and christmas gifts...Plus, I've been working on her bouquet and it is nearly done. I've ordered materials based on 5 BMs...I guess I'm just annoyed that I've spent money that I didn't need to now that she is dropping out.

futuremrscsr

Is there any way you can discreetly help her out with the cost of her dress since her situation has changed? If you can I would make sure that you keep in between you two so the other BM's don't expect the same. Do you think this is just an excuse so that she can drop out of being in the WP?

cronin85

I agree with PP.  If she is a really good (which I assume she is seeing as you asked her ot be a BM)  I would very quietly see if there is a where for you to help her out... that is if she wants it and its not just an excuse to drop out.

AshnRobo

I would help her if I could afford to. I've already looked at the budget to see if there is any room to fit her in, but there isn't.

Since my FI had to move I'm having to work overtime just to afford groceries, rent, and wedding stuff. Which is one of the reasons I'm so annoyed. I'm literally working 7 days a week 10-12 hours a day. Then staying up until 2 or 3 working on wedding projects.

I told my dad all that and he said those women on bridezilla aren't crazy they're just really stressed! I told him I was considering moving into the nature park at the end of the street and cutting off all ties to the real world. I haven't gone bridezilla yet and I would like to not do so, but this just really sucks.

I would honestly cancel the wedding if we hadn't already signed a bunch of contracts. Getting married shouldn't be this stressful, and I'm really angry at my FIl about it. He said he wouldn't move unless he was offered enough money to send me money back every month and now all of a sudden it isn't enough.

Maybe I should just cancel it.

kikirst33

Don't let the stress get to you!  You really don't want to cancel your wedding.

It's too bad that your BM can't afford the dress and a shame that she told you so late. I"m sure that she is very dissapointed to have to tell you that she can't afford the dress.  Take a deep breath and just move on.  It is dissapointing and has created more stress but don't let it overwhelm you.

cronin85

Take a deep breath and take one giant step back... Your letting the stress get the best of you.  Deep down you know you dont want to cancel the wedding.About 4 months ago my FI parents dropped the bomb on us that the money they were going to give is not going to happen any more. Long story short FI and I now have 2 months to find a way to come up with the balance.  I think we all go through very stressful situations with the wedding planning because it seems like nothing will go right.

What your BM did to you was not right but she might have also been embarassed to let you know she didn't have the money (still doesn't make it right).  Is it possible for you to seel the items you have purchased? As far as her girfts etc; are concerned?

We are all so veeeery close to the big day, dont give up now!

QueerFemme

Can she afford anything for the dress?  Is there a possibility you can find it used?

AshnRobo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_vent-really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:a62fd1fd-1f52-4233-84c4-c40a2ee7d87cPost:975bbdf9-c524-4e84-b7e9-1d2814250418">Re: Vent: Really annoyed</a>:
[QUOTE]Take a deep breath and take one giant step back... Your letting the stress get the best of you.  Deep down you know you dont want to cancel the wedding.About 4 months ago my FI parents dropped the bomb on us that the money they were going to give is not going to happen any more. Long story short FI and I now have 2 months to find a way to come up with the balance.  I think we all go through very stressful situations with the wedding planning because it seems like nothing will go right. What your BM did to you was not right but she might have also been embarassed to let you know she didn't have the money (still doesn't make it right).  Is it possible for you to seel the items you have purchased? As far as her girfts etc; are concerned? We are all so veeeery close to the big day, dont give up now! :)
Posted by cronin85[/QUOTE]

Thanks. I did take a step back and I feel better now. I got her a personalized tumbler which is not big deal and wasn't that expensive. I'll just give that to her later. I bought a robe for her, but I may just keep it. I like it. Its pretty, and I would definately get some use out of it. The rest (supplies for their jewelry, accents for their shoes, etc.) I'll just redistribute to the other girls. Maybe something will happen and she will be able to get the dress between now and then.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_vent-really-annoyed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:a62fd1fd-1f52-4233-84c4-c40a2ee7d87cPost:b9205034-aa4c-4be8-b702-bcdd5b23f72b">Re: Vent: Really annoyed</a>:
[QUOTE]Can she afford anything for the dress?  Is there a possibility you can find it used?
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

No, there isn't. I picked a sun dress off of a dress site since it was cheaper than a BM dress. So much for trying to save them money...

volleygurl0306

I'm sorry Ash!  I totally get you.  FI still hasn't found a job and we have things that are financially so much more important to us than this wedding (getting out of my parents house, tuition to put FI thru the police academy)  I wish I could cancel it too.  Stupid contracts!   It sounds horrible but I'm essentially just waiting for one of my BM to drop out.  She bought the dress (I also bought a "regular" dress like you and she bought it so late in the game it was on clearance and almost didn't get it) but never has money.  COnsidering she is going to have to fly up for the wedding, stay in a hotel, and cover her food and expenses other than lunch and dinner the day of the wedidng, oh and leave her 5 year old at home, I just doubt she'll have the money to do it.  I suspect she'll keep waiting until the last minute because it isn't a fun thing to admit.  She took 4 weeks to get back to me when I asked her to be a BM because I wanted her to think of the financial repurcussions. 

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone!

melissa199

I know the feeling! I have a BM, who is kind of driving me crazy. I paid upfront for their dresses, since I know they are all finacially struggling right now, but she hasn't even came to try on the dress! Ugh.