For those of you who don't know some of my extended family openly rejects my relationship with FI. Mainly my grandparents and their daughter have been openly offensive and I no longer speak with them. All three of them and my aunt's husband have also been horrible to my mom. None of those four are invited to the wedding. My aunt has 3 kids though...21, 19, and 8. We aren't having kids at the wedding and since his parents aren't invited the 8 year old was not going to get invited from a while ago. The 21 year old is a typical college boy and hasn't gotten involved in the drama. We aren't close but if I text him happy birthday he responds. Or, my grandfather accused me in therapy of "hating my cousins" so when I called my cousins individually to discuss with them, he was responsive and said he knew I didn't feel that way and the drama was unrelated to our relationship.
The 19 year old is the gray area though. She didn't respond to my attempt to discuss the "hate" comment with her as well as other attempts to contact her. Last year she graduated high school and I was the only family member not invited to her party because she didn't like how I treated her mom and grandma (she is the favorite grandchild and her mom the favorite child so the 3 of them are up each other's a$$es all the time). My dad confronted her about it and asked if she knew all the horrible things that had been said to me and that she should talk to me. She knew everything but didn't change her mind, never talked to me about it. Saw her briefly over Christmas when she was at my parents house. She acted all fake like we were best friends and I really just said "hi how are you" and went about my business because I'm not fake and know she has problems with me. Fast forward to today, I haven't spoken to my grandparents in over a year. Next month is my grandmother's 75th birthday. The 19 year old wanted to organize a lunch for all the grandchildren to go to with our grandmother for her birthday. She sent us all a facebook message. I responded and simply said "Due to what happened between us, I will not be attending. Thank you for thinking of me though" I tried not to be inflammatory or drag in the drama and addressed her actually inviting me (there are a few things I haven't been invited to). I thought that would be it. Then a few weeks later she follows up with a text saying "You are still welcome if you want." I was so irritated! Does she really not get it?!
Now idk whether or not to invite her to the wedding. I don't expect her to turn her back on her mother but she has no understanding of what went on or concern for me at all. I'm stuck between she's only 19 and she's 19, away at college and old enough to not be okay with racism. It would basically end our relationship if I didn't but we don't really have one and won't ever because of her mom and grandma. She plays soccer in college and Sept is soccer season so I don't see her coming but idk if I should just take a stand and not invite her to stop her fake bull crap or to invite her and just let it be.