bachelorette party

kellycatalo

so i made a brief post about this on our FB group, but I was just curious:

Do you know what you are doing for your bachelorette? Did you have any say in it?

Yesterday I got to hang out with MOH for a bit, and she told me a couple of her ideas, and I'm not really crazy about them. I've told her I don't want to do anything too crazy, and that i'd rather it be chill, but she keeps trying to plan an "activity". Like her most recent suggestion was to do a cooking class, which sounds fine, but it's probably too expensive and I cook everyday so I'd rather not have to cook myself dinner on my bachelorette, too. Plus, I am a vegan so I probably couldn't eat whatever it is anyway.

 And I just feel like the logistics would be weird, because I have a lot of college friends coming and I think they won't know if they can make it til right before, so it just gets weird. That's why I don't really want to do any "activity" unless its free, because most other things you have to know in advance.

But I feel bad because she's put a lot of effort trying to think of things that I might enjoy, so I don't want to shoot down all of her ideas. And I also don't want to be planning it myself. I guess I can't figure out the balance of getting to do what I actually want vs. being too much in control.

How did you guys figure it out?

[Deleted User]

I totally had the same issue.  I really didn't want to go to a bar or do anything where the focus would be drinking.   (I don't drink which is a life change for me that happened a little over a year ago and some of my friends still either forget or think that it's just a phase.)   I just told my sisters that I didn't want a bachelorette at all bc I really don't care about it (I feel like I might care if I were younger) and I don't want anyone spending any more money on me than they already are for the shower and the wedding itself. 

My sisters wouldn't take no for an answer so they facebooked my friends and I guess a bunch of ideas were thrown out there and my sisters just came out and asked me if I wanted to know the ideas.  I said yes, because I was so worried!  It turns out someone suggested a beach day and then dinner by the shore which sounded perfect to me!  A cheap day with my girls just hangin in the sun :-)

Maybe tell your MOH that you want to know the options because you'd feel more comfortable?  I felt bad telling my sister that I wanted to know but I'm so relieved that I got to pick something that I'm happy with.  Maybe come up with a few ideas you would like to do and metion them to your MOH?...if she's a good friend she'll take them into consideration seeing as the party is for you...you should be comfortable with it.

volleygurl0306

I'm struggling with this too right now!  My MOH wants to make it this whole weekend ordeal.  I have about half the guest list traveling in for it though and told them to come Fri night or Saturday morning depending on their work/school schedule.  She wants to do it up big Friday and Saturday night by going to Miami (about 20 miles from where I live) and doesn't understand that I don't want to shuffle back and forth between where I live/where everyone is flying into and Miami.  Plus, I'm not a huge party girl so I really have 1 wild night in me, not two (I don't recover well) so I'd rather just do one big night on Saturday and something more chill Friday night with whoever has arrived already.  She's a big city girl (went to school in Chicago and now lives in NYC) and I'm more of a chicken wings and beer in a dive bar kinda girl.  Also, like you Kelly, I feel bad having people who paid all this money to travel to then have to drop a ton of money two nights in a row.  She's getting offended that I'm trying to downplay her big plans and that the other girls aren't more amped and down for whatever.  Also, my mom wanted to a bridal shower-esqe luncheon on Saturday (not exactly a bridal shower because she doesn't want to make it about gifts just getting the ladies together and be able to include family friends/younger ppl who wouldn't come to the Bach. party) and my MOH is totally minimiizng it as getting in her way.  I feel like a control freak and know why I now planned my own wedding!  I don't want to take it from her but I really just want to be like you plan Saturday night and I have the rest.  Sorry don't think I helped any Kelly but I empathize!

kellycatalo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:b8c11b53-f5f4-4f39-94a7-72c89164aa02Post:6d097042-90c9-408d-b83d-795340b354e4">Re: bachelorette party</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm struggling with this too right now!  My MOH wants to make it this whole weekend ordeal.  I have about half the guest list traveling in for it though and told them to come Fri night or Saturday morning depending on their work/school schedule.  She wants to do it up big Friday and Saturday night by going to Miami (about 20 miles from where I live) and doesn't understand that I don't want to shuffle back and forth between where I live/where everyone is flying into and Miami.  Plus, I'm not a huge party girl so I really have 1 wild night in me, not two (I don't recover well) so I'd rather just do one big night on Saturday and something more chill Friday night with whoever has arrived already.  She's a big city girl (went to school in Chicago and now lives in NYC) and I'm more of a chicken wings and beer in a dive bar kinda girl.  Also, like you Kelly, I feel bad having people who paid all this money to travel to then have to drop a ton of money two nights in a row.  She's getting offended that I'm trying to downplay her big plans and that the other girls aren't more amped and down for whatever.  Also, my mom wanted to a bridal shower-esqe luncheon on Saturday (not exactly a bridal shower because she doesn't want to make it about gifts just getting the ladies together and be able to include family friends/younger ppl who wouldn't come to the Bach. party) and my MOH is totally minimiizng it as getting in her way.  I feel like a control freak and know why I now planned my own wedding!  I don't want to take it from her but I really just want to be like you plan Saturday night and I have the rest.  Sorry don't think I helped any Kelly but I empathize!
Posted by volleygurl0306[/QUOTE]

Thanks, I am just glad someone understands/is in a similar situation. I originally suggested to her (months ago) that I think going to the beach or a winery would be great. She told me she couldn't find any wineries in chicago ( there are some in the suburbs, but i guess she was only looking downtown?). i also HATE going to the city just because its so huge and dirty and obnoxious to travel around in, and expensive. but i think everyone considers that the ONLY place to have a bachelorette.

CowgirlK39

I hear ya on this. I posted a while back about my BM's plans for me. Honestly I didn't even want one. I think they are tacky, but they insisted. The problem in my case is that my girls are classy, sophisticated and quite frankly... dorky. I'm a redneck. My ideal b-party would be fishing, and chillin by a bonfire later. Noooo they don't do *that* stuff. They only gave me hints about what they were planning, and even joked that "its like planning a children's party." Uhhh, no. I am an adult. Then my MOH asked me if there were any resturants I loved. I mentioned one in a small city about 20-30 mins from me that I adore. She just smiled and shook her head and said they didn't want to go "that far." Um, ok, or not. Then she asked who else to invite and i told her most of my friends were OOT and probably would not make the massive trip here just for a day. So there's going to be pretty much no one there. I'm to the point with it though where I don't care.

All you can do I guess, Kelly, is make suggestions or express small concerns (such as the vegan issue with the cooking class) and hope that those things sink in. It's hard not to stomp your foot and say "No! I don't wanna!" lol.

Kello4221

I only know the date and really don't have a clue what the plan is. I provided a guest list and just made sure my MOH was aware that it would bother me if it involved people spending a lot of money. She is really low key, but I'm known to have wild night now and then, so I'm really not sure if this will be chill or a big party but I'll be happy either way. I'd suggest letting her know your concerns about cost, travel, and diet. Don't shoot down her ideas but make sure she knows what is most important to her. Usually I think talking in person is best, but I think an email has potential if you think she will forward it to your BMs for help with brainstorming. Just make sure you thank her lots for all her efforts!

jamie5482

I have no idea what I'm doing for my bachelorette but I did tell my MOH that I don't want it to be all about drinking (I just cannot deal with being hungover, I am not pleasant, ha). She had suggested just having a girls weekend at the beach or maybe a spa day so I think she is trying to respect the focus being about fun instead of getting wasted. 

FI is having his bachelor party memorial day weekend and he wanted it to be about doing "manly things" like white water rafting and whatever else instead of strippers and such. His best man definitely went in that direction and so they're all pretty excited about just hanging out. 

I would say definitely speak up, I mean of course you want everyone to have fun but it should be along your definition of fun instead of just what people think a bachelorette party should be about. 

kellycatalo

thanks, and I will be seeing her again this thursday, so hopefully i can talk to her again. i don't even like to bring up the topic because i'm afraid that all i talk about is wedding planning, so i try to never mention anything unless i am asked. it's hard though because it's such a big part of my life! but i know no one cares about it besides me so i always feel like i am boring them or being a bridezilla.

it's hard too because i can think of a bunch of these "activities" that i think would actually be really fun. but i don't want people to have to spend money, so maybe some other time i can just go do them by myself or something. like how much fun does a chocolate tour or a wine + painting class sound?

BMcLeodTeam

I have no idea really what we're doing. I know its a full weekend, what weekend MOH is planning it for, and that its a trip to Toronto... that's it.

rbwashington2012

I have continuly begged for no one to plan me one because of the house I work and really, I am not the huge partying type anymore. My youngest BM is 22 and I had to really regin her in yesterday talking about strippers at the party. I told her again, I don't want a party because there is no need for it. We have PLENTY enough to do that Thursday and Friday before the wedding for me to even thinik about going out. I suggested that the Friday we have our girls day out is enough for me.

Like PP, I would speak up and ask questions, no one should make you feel comfortable at your own party. In my early 20s would be a different story but I am 30 so low key is more my speed.

romamor4

I agree with others, you should speak up. I am lucky in that my MOH felt the same way about her own bachelorette party. She just wanted something fun and not crazy/out of control. We're planning on doing a vintage/retro pin-up photo shoot in the city and then hop on a boat from Lake Michigan for a night on the lake. I am super excited! Yes, I will drink, but it won't be until later and it's going to be so much fun and not at a sleazy bar. There's going to be a jazz band and class.  

Ummm I can think of a lot of wineries in the burbs!! I would totally not mind doing my bachelorette in the burbs if the pin-up place was in the burbs. In fact, I am annoyed too at the prospect of going into the city!