How would you handle this?

AriesAngel86

So far, the wedding planning has been pretty drama free family wise, which is great... I got an email from Fiance's mother about the RD (Fiance's parents offered to put $2000 towards the RH with any remaining going to us). She said that her siblings are expecting to be invited (not in a demanding way, I think they just assume they are). Problem is we have a room for 30 and an extra 6 people wouldn't fit. Also, my parents' siblings aren't invited so that's tricky. If ALL parents' siblings are invited it would be probably 15+ MORE people.

How would you handle this?

Could I suggest a change of venue/less expensive RD?

I'm very grateful for their money, but at the same time the idea of having a 40+ rehearsal dinner is not what I had in mind.

Ideas?

mamameech

Be honest with them about your space limitations and ask for their thoughts on whether you should change venues or stick to the 30 people. They are contributing so get their input. I think it's fair for everyone to communicate and come to joint decision.

jacquiroxx

Ditto Mama... Present them with the venue restrictions and let them decide how to handle it.  Since they're paying, it's up to them.

Nikki71

I agree. If they're putting up $2000 (which I imagine is a big chunk of the RD budget), they should have whom they want invited. If that means a less expensive location for more guests, I think that's a perfectly suitable compromise.

My FMIL has asked that ALL extended family be invited to rehearsal dinner so we're looking at about 50 people, unfortunately. They're paying though so we're happy to accommodate their requests.

AriesAngel86

Yeah, I have no problem going with a bigger/less expensive venue... but is it appropriate to JUST invite their brothers/sisters and not my parents'? I just don't want there to be drama.

Nikki71

I would ask your parents if they want their siblings invited. If they would or say they don't care, I'd invite them.

ejheart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_how-would-you-handle-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:b95ee22e-8f89-49ea-bc72-4dd98deafd52Post:e7001620-1043-46d8-8e03-a6a8a25e8c2f">Re: How would you handle this?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I have no problem going with a bigger/less expensive venue... but is it appropriate to JUST invite their brothers/sisters and not my parents'? I just don't want there to be drama.
Posted by AriesAngel86[/QUOTE]

Well, it depends on how your family is...but personally, for mine, this would cause drama. If they found out that FI's extended family was invited and they weren't, they would be PISSED and/or wouldn't understand why.

I feel your pain though. We are going through this dilemma right now, and if we were to invite all extended family it would probably be a 50-75 person RD, which is kinda nutty...but I don't know what else to do (and am also thinking a lot of his fam might not come since they are all from out of town).

JMorrisonB

All of the above advice is great.

The rehearsal dinner has been my one wedding related stress, but I've realized that I need to control my emotions and NOT stress about it.

I wanted to have immediate family, wedding party, officiant (family friend) + significant others invited to the rehearsal dinner.  I thought it would be nice to have a low key event before the wedding day and spend a little extra time with our nearest and dearest.  Fiancee wants it low key as well... we rented a lodge in a  nearby park and are having bbq catered.

His family has been VERY generous in helping out with the wedding.  They are paying for the rehearsal dinner.  FMIL can't imagine having extended family in town and not feeding them.  So all extended family will be invited on both sides.  My mom has 14 siblings!  So on just my side that adds 46 people!!!!  I think many will come to town the day of the wedding though...so we'll see what it turns out to be:)

When I think of the rehearsal dinner I take deep breaths!