September 2012 Weddings

Opinions?

Okay, I'm going to try to keep this brief.

My mom is adopted. Never had anything to do with her birthparents until a couple of years ago. A couple weeks after meeting her dad, he died of a heart attack. My mom has two brothers on that side (birth side). We'll call them A, B, and C.

My mom has been giving my grief about the guestlist since the beginning of time it seems like. There aren't enough people. I'm inviting some cousins and not others. Well, our budget can't handle it and I don't know these people. honestly, if they were mad at me for not inviting them , it wouldn't affect my life at all. Okay... so...

I told my mom I'm inviting her birth mom. She said cool. We'll you can't invite her without inviting A because they live together and I've seen A as much as I've seen her. I'm not really close with any of them, but I really like them like a family friend kind of. 

So my mom pleaded with me to invite B and C and their wives. FI agreed so we planned to. Well I talk to my mom today and she said she wants me to subsitute B and C for grandma's close girlfriends who will apparently be helping with the bridal shower. I was so stunned I didn't know what to say. I find it odd that we would forego inviting her bio brothers and invite two of the girlfriends. I don't know them. This is the first I've ever heard of them. Ever in my life.

I didn't say anything and the conversation continued to something else. Now that I've thought more about it I don't want to. I was going to tell my mom that I'm not comfortable inviting girlfriends instead of family we had decided on inviting and we have already maxed the budget. I could probably squeeze them in, but I know FI wouldn't be happy about random old ladies that we have never even heard of. 

Sooo... am I wrong? What would you say/do? I really, really, really wish my mom would STOP bringing up the guestlist because it only turns into a "thing". 

Re: Opinions?

  • that's a tough one. I agree that it's wierd to invite people you don't know over family (that you or her don't really know). Is your mom helping pay for the wedding? If not she doesn't really have a place to contribute to the guestlist. I don't really have any advice beyond just telling her the day is about you and FI, and you would appriciate it if she didn't bring up the guestlist.
    image
  • My big concern is that the girlfriends are "helping with the shower."  If they are involved with the shower, they kind of HAVE to be invited.  It would be kinda harsh to let them plan a party in your honor/give you presents and then not invite them to the wedding.  You could talk to your mom and try to have them not involved with your shower and that could maybe solve your problem.  From what I understand, anyone invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker LilySlim Weight loss tickers

    image 225 Invited so far!
    image 148 Are ready to party!
    image 77 Will be missing out!
    image 0 Are MIA!
  • Personally I would tell mom that you don't want the friends helping since you don't plan on inviting them. I would also tell her since she was okay with substituting B And C you're not going to bother inviting them either. The only way I would invite the relatives is if mom was paying for a good portion of the wedding. If not then she has no say but then again that's what I would do.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_opinions-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:c1fa3c2a-2820-4e4d-9ef7-4ae3ec267ceaPost:9f25d2c2-72e0-46f1-ad56-c093a87531b9">Re: Opinions?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally I would tell mom that you don't want the friends helping since you don't plan on inviting them. I would also tell her since she was okay with substituting B And C you're not going to bother inviting them either. <strong>The only way I would invite the relatives is if mom was paying for a good portion of the wedding</strong>. If not then she has no say but then again that's what I would do.
    Posted by MrsReynolds12[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agreed. You've told her that your budget is maxed, so she needs to pay for the guests that she wants to add.</div>
    Anniversary
  • She's not contributing. My dad wants to talk to her about that, but I asked him to keep me out of it since it could cause a lot of drama. I guess I forgot to add that I would ask her to not have the friends help because they wouldn't be invited. I just think it would be weird and awkward that we're not inviting a lot of family because we aren't close to them, but we would invite friends (of someone I don't know completely either) that we don't even know. I don't know their names, their age, where they live, etc. I seriously don't know anything about them.

    I'm find with inviting B and C. Actually, FI said he would like them there (he interacted with this side of the family a lot in 2010 when he was planning my birthday party at their house.) So I can see them coming. It's just the whole point that our wedding will be small because we want it to be close family and friends. And by that we actually mean it. She just makes me feel so bad about it sometimes and now wants to start substituting people. Argh... she drives me insane sometimes. lol!
  • Personally, I would figure out your PP cost down to the last cent of even renting the linens. Then tell your mom this is the cost per person. Our list is set. If you want to add more, this is the price that you need to pay to add them b/c we simply cannot afford to add more to our list.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_opinions-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:c1fa3c2a-2820-4e4d-9ef7-4ae3ec267ceaPost:4f2507fc-6451-46f6-bc1c-33cee8354a94">Re: Opinions?</a>:
    [QUOTE]She's not contributing. My dad wants to talk to her about that, but I asked him to keep me out of it since it could cause a lot of drama. I guess I forgot to add that I would ask her to not have the friends help because they wouldn't be invited. I just think it would be weird and awkward that we're not inviting a lot of family because we aren't close to them, but we would invite friends (of someone I don't know completely either) that we don't even know. I don't know their names, their age, where they live, etc. I seriously don't know anything about them. I'm find with inviting B and C. Actually, FI said he would like them there (he interacted with this side of the family a lot in 2010 when he was planning my birthday party at their house.) So I can see them coming. It's just the whole point that our wedding will be small because we want it to be close family and friends. And by that we actually mean it. She just makes me feel so bad about it sometimes and now wants to start substituting people. Argh... she drives me insane sometimes. lol!
    Posted by morenachica110[/QUOTE]

    <div>Honestly, why is Grandma having her girlfriends help? Not to put her down or anything, but I would say that you'd rather your BMs or other family help because you don't have the money to add two more people to the list. Grandma can pay for them to attend the wedding if she insists on them going. I don't understand how people think they can just invite whoever they want and expect you to pay for it. Yes, she's your Grandmother for goodness sake, but she must understand that it is expensive, right? I would talk with Grandma about it. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_opinions-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:c1fa3c2a-2820-4e4d-9ef7-4ae3ec267ceaPost:a3ab879c-b917-4c06-a2a7-ad429412d792">Re: Opinions?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Opinions? : Honestly, why is Grandma having her girlfriends help? Not to put her down or anything, but I would say that you'd rather your BMs or other family help because you don't have the money to add two more people to the list. Grandma can pay for them to attend the wedding if she insists on them going. I don't understand how people think they can just invite whoever they want and expect you to pay for it. Yes, she's your Grandmother for goodness sake, but she must understand that it is expensive, right? I would talk with Grandma about it. 
    Posted by romamor4[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm 99% sure it's not grandma and it's actually my mom. Grandma wants to please my mom SO much because of the adoption that she wants to enlist the help of everyone to make the bridal shower amazing... and that's pretty much my mom's party at this point. If my mom just said "Hey, they can't afford to invite anyone else and don't want to substitute people." She would totally understand. I gave my mom the BM's info. My MOH said she hasn't heard from my mom in awhile.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm just going to talk to my mom and tell her. B and C are invited. It's already been decided. We're not adding people or "substituting". Don't let the little old ladies help because that's rude and embarassing.</div>
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