Mega Stress..Don't want to do it.

AshnRobo

I'm going dress shopping this Saturday. I hate dress shopping. It is like the worst thing ever. I seriously asked my FI if I could get married in jeans.

I'm fine with every part of wedding planning except this.

I mean I hate it so much that thinking about it gets me stomach in knots, my heart racing, my palms sweating..Ugh!

Does anyone else have this kind of anxiety? Any tips on how to cope?

I don't want to bring anyone along. Last time my mom went she made me feel really bad about myself. I don't want to bring friends b/c I know I would be bored out of my skull going with a bride to do that and how do you turn someone down if you've already told them you aren't busy? Lol. I don't want to do that to my friends.

lbarr088

I can never find regular clothes that I like or that even fit me well so dress shopping for me was a HUGE stress for me.  I ended up bringing my mom and dad as well as my MOH.  Turns out I fell in love with the second dress I tried on so I ended up finding a dress the first day I went shopping!  I was incredibly surprised.

My advice:

1. Don't overthink it.  Getting yourself worked up is not going to help.  Try and relax and make the best of the situation.  Stay positive... there is a dress out there for you!

2.  BRING someone, especially someone who will tell you the truth and give you positive feedback.  I know you don't want to be a pain but if someone close to you wants to go you should bring them.  If mom makes you feel bad, don't bring her, or bring her and someone who you know will be a positive influence on the situation.  Dress shopping alone (at least IMO) will be crazy stressful.  The consultants will probably tell you you look good in everything just to get a sale so it's good to have someone close.  

Phew, that was long and annoying.  Good luck!!

kellycatalo

It really won't be that bad! Do you have a specific style you like? Maybe you would be more excited if you found a dress you really liked?

i understand about the not wanting to bring anyone along. after 5 or 6 appointments, i got sick of having to bring people with me. it was just such a hassle. i went to my last one alone, and it was so nice and relaxing.

and i'm sure not everyone would be super bored with it. some people really just love shopping and stuff. one of my BM's told me the day i got engaged that she wanted to come dress shopping with me. if any of your friends have expressed interest, they probably want to come.

good luck!

caterpillar85

I am the same way, I wish I could wear jeans to my wedding (I have been saying this since day one! lol)

I set up 2 appointments in one day. The first was a really nice boutique, and they were totally out of my budget. But I tried on a bunch of styles and figured out what I liked. Then I went to David's Bridal... on a Saturday night... after a bridal show... it was disastrous! The girl helping me was also with three other brides, so after waiting and sitting in a dress I hated for about 15 minutes, my sister helped me with the rest. I wanted a simple dress and after some fails, I found the one I liked (I didn't have that omg moment) and that was that.

It did seem more like a chore than a fun outing. Also I am a little more overweight than I had hoped so I was afraid nothing was going to look good on me especially since I hate dresses. But the people I brought along (mom, sis, and bff/moh) were honest and really helped me realize that I did look pretty in most of them. Bring somebody please! They can boost your spirits and give you an outside opinion whether it be good or bad.

If you are getting sick over it like I did, just do it, like ripping off a bandaid. After the first few dresses, I was used to it and it didn't bother me anymore. IF you are nervous about not finding THE ONE don't worry. There are millions of dresses out there, and half of them you might like and will look great on you. So personally I don't think there is THE dress. If it is a dress that you feel comfortable in and can see yourself walking down the aisle in it and smiling, then that's it.

mamameech

If you're not sure about which styles you like/want, let the salesperson help; they are pros at this and know body types and can deal with the variety of bridal emotions. Try to keep an open mind and maybe take a relaxant (or a shot of whiskey lol); if you tell yourself it's gonna suck, it's gonna suck.

Do not bring anyone that will put you down or make you feel uncomfortable. I didn't bring a couple gfs along and they were put out, but I didn't want them there. I didn't want them to influence my choice and I know that they would have strong opinions, and their style varies significantly from mine.
Do you have even a coworker that you "click" with? I actually brought a coworker to an appt and to a bridal show and we had a blast. We'd never really done stuff outside of work but I think that's why it worked so well; there was no pressure.

I really hope you can enjoy yourself at least a little bit

Johnsonk313

I just took my sister with me, and it worked out fine. (I hated it too).  It is ok if you don't have OMG! moment, not everyone has one, I didn't. Just remember you are going to look beautiful on your wedding day regardless. It's kinda hard not too lol. So just pick a dress you are comfortable in.

meagandal

I was the same way.... so I went on a pre-shopping mission to "practice" and I found my dress!  I ended up being totally bummed I was alone.  I mean it worked I cried I had a great experience, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my dress, but as soon as I left I called my mom and cried that I was sad I didn't share it and that I was sorry I went without her.

BUT maybe if I hadn't gone by myself with no pressure it wouldn;t have heppened.  it doesn't really mattter how it happens, and it will just go with it

wineo929

I agree with PP. Leave it to the pros! They should be able to help you find something that you'll love. And if you don't fall in love this time, don't worry! I went 3 times before I found my dress. The last time I went, I did go alone and I absolutely loved it. I didn't have anyone's opinions but my own, which at the end of the day is what matters because you're the bride!  Good luck and let us know how it goes. We want an AW if you find a dress!!

Clarustin2011

First..... take a deep breath!!

I had the sweaty palms and nervous sweats. I hate clothes shopping more than going to the dentist. lol

I just tried to make the most of it (even if the customer service was crappy). I had 3 of the 4 BM and FMIL with me. I made a game of it to calm my nerves. I let them pick 2 dress. One that they found to be ugly and one they thought was for me. They enjoyed it and we got some good laughs. One dress my FMIL picked out was one I wanted to try one anyways. I ended up buying that dress.

spalihena

TAKE SOMEONE WITH YOU... Seriously, I love to shop for my friends - and if you were my friend I would do it for you. Because I cared about you, and cared about this being a good experience for you. If you are in Chicago, i would go with you and I am not even a friend. It is an important part of the wedding experience, and the right supportive person there with you will make it special...

Have brunch beforehand, drink a few mimosas and the day will go fine...

SCogs18

I was a stressed about dress shopping too.  I've been losing weight, but I wasn't where I wanted to be when I went dress shopping and I was worried about fit.  Sample size only ended up being a little small and one gown actually zipped (I think that is part of why I liked that dress so much).

I was only planning on going with my mom and maybe bringing my MOH to a future appointment if I couldn't find anything.  Well, my mom ended up falling the night before the first appointment and literally almost killed herself.  She made it to one disastrous appointment before I had to rush her to the ER.  She spent 30 days in the hospital (24 unconscious in ICU/they called us 3 times to "say goodbye").  The last thing she said to me was "please don't cancel your appointment tomorrow."

Sooooo, I went shopping with my dad!  It was a little frustrating explaining the types of fabrics and what a bustle was, but he was helpful and not overly critical.  I didn't have a tears-omg-this-is-IT moment, but I did come to a peaceful realization that this is my dress.  I do feel like I missed out with my mom, but I had a really great bonding experience with my dad.  My mom later helped me pick out my veil.

My big suggestions are relax, bring picture of what you like, be confident in how beautiful you are right now, and maybe bring your daddy.  He will keep your mom in check (maybe), and can offer a meaningful, but quiet opinion.

Starfish0116

Seriously, take someone with you.

I only wanted my BFF, and ended up being guilted into taking my (12 year old) sister, and another casual friend (who managed to invite herself). Honestly, she ended up being a huge help with pulling dresses because my BFF was helping me IN the dressing room and my sister was just too young to really be of any real help.

The consultant told us to start pulling dresses and we didn't realize we were in the size 4 sample section. When the first 3 dresses wouldn't fit I had a meltdown in the dressing room and wanted to leave. It was my BFF who calmed me down and made me keep going. My other friend was able to take my sample pics and pull dresses actually IN my size and the style I wanted. Once the two of them got the situation under control is was WAY better.

I ended up finding my dress in one shopping trip, in only 2 hours. We left, had lunch so I could think about it, and then came back so I could be measured and ordered my dress.

AshnRobo

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I think I may talk to one or two people about going with me, but I really don't think I want anyone to go. I just think that I will listen to their opinion and mine will get pushed aside.

I've been losing weight too and I'm not anywhere near where I want to be so I'm not sure how to even order a dress b/c how do you know where you'll be? You may lose 20 pounds this month and only 5 next month.

caterpillar85

Be realistic about how much weight you want to lose and THINK you can lose, and go from there. Obviously go a size bigger, not smaller. It is easier for the seamstress to take it in than out.

Truthfully I haven't been exercising as much as I should, I keep telling myself "I have enough time" but deep down I know I should start now and once I get to a size I'm comfortable in, keep it. The dress I ordered fit me then when I tried it on. I would go with this because when I was a bm for a friend a couple years ago I told them to go a size or two smaller and ended up not losing enough, so it was super tight and I couldn't breathe. During the reception I had to wear my FI's jacket and unzip the dress to my belly button lol

I don't know where you will get your dress, but if it is going to be a special order dress I would get it asap. Some designers take up to nine months to alter/make a dress. If it is a David's or something you buy off the rack, I would get it no later than three months before your date. Make sure the person doing your alterations can do it within a month or so. This is what my seamstress told me and I trust her judgement.

*SCogs, I'm so glad your mom is ok! I was reading your post and started to freak out, I hate sad stories, but I'm glad everything is good... it would make for a good Nicholas Sparks book lol

CowgirlK39

I think more important that taking someone is KNOWING the people you take. I mean, really knowing what they are like as a person. My MOH went to my first fitting and she was a real hoot! We had so much fun. However, I know if I took a certain other BM, I would have been getting picky criticism that was not needed. When I first started shopping I took my mom, and she was shockingly fair instead of her usual over-critical. But because I KNOW her so well, I could tell by the looks on her face when I walked out if a dress was worth the time or not.

Definitely take someone, even if its just one person, because when you start to feel overwhelmed or start thinking "Jeez I really dunno about this one" you have someone to turn to and say "What do you think?"

NO2012

Do take one of those two people you are thinking of, even if one of them isn't your mom.  Do be picky and selective about who those people are and what their purpose is that day.  Don't be apologetic about asking someone to join you and support you.  And don't be apologetic about not asking someone to join you.  I know you aren't looking at this as a "special" day right now, but ulitmately it is what you make of it and you want to be surrounded by those who love and support you. 

hollyweenOR

Go by yourself, for sure. I did, and pretty much for similar reasons- didn't want to hassle my friends over it, and my mom lives in another state (and has a knack for going straight for my body issues and hitting them hard). It worked out in my favor (and once I was down to 2 dresses, I was able to text & send pictures to a couple of my friends (bridesmaids) and get some feedback.