NWR: Vent

lbarr088

So, I typically don't "vent" about a lot of things online but this is bugging me and so I think typing it out will help

FIs moms birthday is coming up and FI invited his family (3 sisters, one married with 2 adorable kiddos) to have dinner at our place.  No one ever comes to see us so I can see why he would do this.  Our "place" is a 1 bedroom apartment.  We have an eat in kitchen that at best fits 6 cramped... not 9.  FI was all "people can eat in the living room, etc."  I have been brought up that if you are hosting a dinner everyone should have adequate seating, etc.  

Long story short they are still coming but we will do something small (apps, dessert) at our place and then go out to a restaurant his mom loves.  This is great BUT I am almost embarassed to have people come.  We have bare bones everything and nothing extraordinarly nice and decorated.  His fam can be opinionated about things (I've noticed over the years) so I'm suuuuper nervous to have them come aka I'm freaking out.  

Tell me I'm being irrational, tell me I'm crazy but normal, or tell me your stupid irrational stories... just tell me something!

mamameech

I do understand your concern, but it's family! I think they'll be touch to have the invite and your FI seems to really want to have them over (that's sweet).
Advice: when they are at your place, don't make excuses. Your place is what it is and you should not be embarassed. Entertain to the level you are able to entertain and have fun!

akbrown19

I can see why you'd be nervous, you can tell a lot about a person by their living space. But think about it in a positive way - the fam can get to know you better when they see your place and they'll know you're just starting out. If they are supporting your marriage and have good feelings toward you, they will understand.

I was super nervous when FI's parents came to visit us for a weekend recently. His mom is very clean and organized and I was worried she would criticize or clean up after me (embarassing when it's not your own mom!). She kept any criticism she may have had to herself and ended up cleaning a bunch for us while we were at work during the day. I came to accept it as a favor - it was nice to not have to do it ourselves. She understood that we're both really busy and have 2 dogs to run around after but we do the best we can. Heck, I even got a few tips!

lbarr088

Thanks guys  I know it's silly it just bugs me.  FI's sisters used to always comment on how dirty FI's mom's window sills were... ever since I scrub my windows!  It's all so silly... his older sisters have cute things and cute houses but that's the key they are OLDER and have had more time to accumulate stuff.  I'm only two years out of college....  I need to remind myself that.  I think it's also hard with such a heavy female presence.  It's like there's 4 "moms" ahh!

junebug19

I know exactly how you feel! For mother's day FI decided he wanted to have it our house so we could both be with our mom's (and make sure none of the moms cook). This required 22 people (moms, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins) to fit into our tiny 2 bedroom, 2nd floor apartment with a kitchen that desperately needs to be remodeled. And a lot of hand me down furniture b/c FI refuses to buy newer stuff until we buy a nicer house. Luckily, we have an open floor plan so the dinner table(s) stretched from the dining area into the living room and I had some guests bring their own (folding) chairs. Everyone had a good time and got fed, that was all that mattered to them.
But, PP are right, don't apologize for your apartment, just focus on being a good host and remember this is family and they aren't judging you- just enjoying your company

CowgirlK39

I know just what you mean, except my own mother causes much stress. She is always mad because I tell her she can't come over because I havent cleaned around the house. If out apt is not 100% immaculate, my mother will walk in with this look on her face, and she will say something like "Oh. Did you spill something on the floor here? How did that rug get like that?" When I explain what happend and how we do not have the time/means to thoroughly scrub everything every day, she just says "Oh. Well, that would come out no problem, but.. ok." We had gone muddin on our ATVs and left the clothes outside (we don't have laundry in our place and no access to a basement/garage). I noticed one day that the clothes were gone. My mom couldn't stand the fact we left them outside so she came and took them, washed them, and gave them back! Leave my stuff ALONE!

As PPs said, as long as its remotely clean and doesn't stink they have nothing to complain about. It is what it is, and they shouldn't be so worried about how much stuff you have. Don't stress too much, if they don't like it, they can take a hike