Already with the awkward questions...

beckyboo27

This is more of a vent, so feel free to scroll through. 

So, I have this friend, we'll call her "Abby," her and I were inseperable in high school. Right after HS, we got an apartment together.  Long story short, we had a HUGE fight and didn't talk for almost three years.  I finally ran into her a few years later and we started talking. We've been friends ever since, but not as close as we were in HS. 

When I got engaged, she was one of the first people to text me. Her exact words were, "Congrats girlie! I'm so happy for you. I better be in the wedding." I told her, "I haven't even thought of who I'm picking yet. 

 

A few weeks ago, I was making my decision, when she text me out of the blue to say hi. Another "So have you picked your bridesmaids?" text. I told her no, because I hadn't made any final decisions yet. 

Today, she text me to ask how I was and if I wanted to do lunch sometime, and AGAIN she asked if/who I picked. I told her yes and named off the girls I picked. She text me back, "Oh that's cool. I was just really hoping to be in the weding cause you and I talked about being in each other's weddings when we were younger." Awkward. 

I gave her the "If I picked everyone I wanted, I wouldn't have any guests" line, but she's still pushing the issue. I've changed the subject twice now and I quit texting her. I told her I still wanted her to come to the wedding, so I'm hoping she doesn't think because I didn't ask her I don't want her there. 

Anyone else have to deal with this yet?

adktd2boots

I have had a friend for 15 years.  In the past 6 years our lives have taken drastic changes from each other and I don't consider her much of a friend anymore.  2 1/2 years ago she visited and I was annoyed with her the whole time and questioned the friendship, but figured we lived thousands of miles apart, so things would be ok. 

Last June I went to visit her and had a miserable time.  I felt like I was 30 and she was back at 15.  While I was there she kept talking about this for her wedding and that for my wedding.  I wasn't engaged yet and she had barely moved in with her bf.  I was mean to her on FB for a little while, but eventually started being nice again.  A couple weeks after I got engaged she said "Are bridesmaids wearing boots, cuz I need to ask my mom for boots for Christmas if they are".  I just said "I haven't chosen yet."  She asked again a few weeks back and I still answered the same.  I've only asked 2 and have 2-3 more to ask, but want to wait til I'm home to ask them in person. 

I know I can't keep bean dipping her forever, but I've been avoiding the subject.  I thought about giving her a "job" that she'll enjoy if she can make the trip, but right now she doesn't have a paying employment job, lives in PA and my wedding is in CA. 

Invite her to your shower (if you have one) and continue to hang out with her as normal.  A real friend would understand, and an immature friend will get mad.  Decide which of those people you want in your life.

beckyboo27

I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. I think it's completely rude for someone to ask to be in someone's wedding.  It's even more rude when they aren't picked and they talk about how bad they wanted to be in. I wasn't picked to be in a lot of weddings, but I kept it to myself and didn't pester the bride about it.

adktd2boots

And after being in 4 weddings, I'd rather be a guest!  It's generally cheaper and you have more fun.   My guess is these people haven't been in many weddings if they want to be a bridesmaid so badly.

Clarustin2011

When I asked my FSIL to be one of my BMs, she said that she already assumed she was since she was the grooms sister. It wasn't what she said, but how she said it that annoyed me. I agree with PP. Invite to the shower and wedding and don't let it bother you. You have more important things to deal with.

mcmeghan311

My situation is a little different, but similar.  Just an awkward moment.  My very first friend was my neigbor that lives next to my parents.  We're the same age and grew up together.  However, around high school, we started growing apart.  It's only really been an incresing problem since then.  Like Boots said about her friend, it's like we're all adults and she's in junior high...  

Anyway, I probably would have picked her anyway if I could have more than 2 bridesmaids, but we are limiting our number because FI has WAY too many friends and he doesn't want to be put in that position to choose.  The awkward moment was at her birthday party when her co-worker was asking how she and I knew eachother etc.  When she found out that I was engaged, she asked if my friend would be in the wedding.  She said she didn't know and then looked at me.  I had to come up with some awkward explanation, inside a loud bar etc.  Totally put me on the spot and I think her feelings are hurt.  Worst part is that her co-worker was just like "oh, that sucks" and turned to talk to somebody else, leaving me to deal with the awkward.  Ugh.  I keep telling FI that he's putting me in an awkward position by avoiding one for himself.

lnhassel

My FSIL just assumed she was going to be in the wedding as well. I had just started asking my bridesmaids, as I waited almost a full year after we got engaged so that I didnt ask too early and regret that decision later, when we started getting questioned by other people (FMIL etc.) when she was goign to be asked. FI and I had already decided that we would like both of our siblings to be in the wedding (his sister and my brother) however we had not discussed this with anyone. I was very put off by the whole situation of her just assuming and asking others when she was going to be asked.

jlmonpe

my problem is totally opposite. someone who was my best friend since we were literally toddleres backed out of my wedding the night before we were going to find bridesmaids dresses. she was supposed to be my BEST friend and ive felt for like the past year that weve been growing apart but i never thought she would do this to me. she said she just couldnt be happy for me. wtf??

Sarah&Eric2012

I think my FSIL knew she was going to be in the wedding but at least she was nice enough to wait for us to ask her.  Her daughter however was not so polite.  I know you can't expect much from at 13 year old so I just busted her chops and told her there wouldn't be any kids at the wedding (obviously that wouldn't actually fly, but it was fun to mess with her).  She knew I was joking so she didn't get upset.  I don't envy you girls who have friends you can't/don't want to include and they're giving you a hard time. 
I was in the opposite situation once.  I had a friend that I was really close to for a long time and we just lost touch over the years.  We didn't talk for almost 3 years.  Then she got engaged after dating a guy for 2 weeks, and asked me to be in her wedding.  I had just bought my house and didn't have the extra money so when I told her I couldn't swing it she cut off all communications and hasn't spoken to me since.  That was almost 2 years ago.

lbarr088

You did the right thing so don't stress about it!  People that feel the need to fish for positions or invites are a huge NO on my list.  I have friends fishing for invites all of the time that I haven't spoken to in forever! Its frustrating.  Invite her and if she's genuinely happy for you she will happily accept.  Good luck!

katiebean1

I have the same thing going on.  I was friends with this girl through middle school and hs but never super super close, just always good friends.  She had me as a bridesmaid this past year, I was surprised me she asked me.  Every time I talk to her she asks about who my bmaids are, and I just tell her I haven't picked yet (I honestly hadn't at the time). Now I fee like I am avoiding her(not really on purpose) because I don't wanna deal with the awkwardness, because I know she will make me feel bad.

Then my SIL just assumed she would be and when I asked her she literally said "well duh" and changed the subject. WTF?

ErinW1912

I feel you. The day after I got engaged my sister called and said that my brother in-law (who i am not close to at all) would not have his feelings hurt if he was not in the wedding. I also have been in a lot freinds weddings  that expect to be in mine but are not going to be b/c finance only wants the 3 brothers and his close freind. I will have 5 on my side with 2 MOH one from when I was young and the other from my college years. I just picked who I felt closest to and invited all the rest of my freinds that I was close to as guests. Just do not let it brother you-there is always going to be someone who feels intitled to things in your life and slighted when they do not get it their way. This is your wedding have the attendants you want to have.