September 2012 Weddings
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the solution - update re: ceremony

We had a serious chat on Friday night about the wedding ceremony and about how brutal FI was treating me. We discussed our options and how much we really wish we would have just gone off somewhere alone to get married; the wedding stress we're under is a result of trying to please everyone but ourselves which we really wanted to avoid.
We decided to have a special family unity ceremony held at the rehearsal dinner. We prepared the "vows" which my sister, the MOH and second mother to my son, will administer. My son can then wear the ring the day of the wedding. It may actually be better this way because we can have an intimate ceremony before all the hupla of the big day. We are both still very frustrated with the church and the limitations but we realized that we couldn't let this ruin our day or our future. We will have the church ceremony to please our families, but we will have our own separate ceremony for US. I made sure my plan of having my son walk me half way down the aisle was "permitted", and it is; the Pastor really liked the idea of having both my father and my son included in that part (so wtf is wrong with the family unity ceremony?? -ugh.)
I really wish FI would communicate better with me instead of lashing out or being so darn stubborn! He's come a long way over the past 4 years in terms of communication and expressing himself but he has a long way to go. I do have to remember that he didn't go through the extensive therapy I did as a teen/young adult where I really learned to be open.
On a side note, I met with my doctor this am and scheduled the removal of my IUD (Sept 24). I need to start taking folic acid today and she referred me to a specialist who deals with pregnancy and depression to review my file and see if I should stop my meds or see what my options are for staying healthy mentally as well as physically. It's all very exciting :)
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Re: the solution - update re: ceremony

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    SO glad you all got things figured out!!!  I bet that's a huge relief.  It sounds like it's going to work out even better than if the pastor had let you do what you originally wanted.  Congrats, and best wishes for a smooth planning experience from here on out!!
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    I'm so happy that you guys could come to a compromise! I still think the pastor is a big tard. 

    I'd do some really serious research online to see what the effects are of your medication on pregnancies. A LOT of doctors (my own ob-gyn included) told me that I could keep taking my heart medications during pregnancy, but my own cardiologist strongly, strongly advised against it. I did some research online and found out that things would probably turn out okay, but in some cases it led to either micarriage or growth defects. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_the-solution-update-re-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:f79b8fca-523e-4a46-95ba-3bce9b2bfff5Post:f1487a35-5cd0-4c37-8206-7c94e541db3b">Re: the solution - update re: ceremony</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so happy that you guys could come to a compromise! I<strong> still think the pastor is a big tard</strong>.  I'd do some really serious research online to see what the effects are of your medication on pregnancies. A LOT of doctors (my own ob-gyn included) told me that I could keep taking my heart medications during pregnancy, but my own cardiologist strongly, strongly advised against it. I did some research online and found out that things would probably turn out okay, but in some cases it led to either micarriage or growth defects. 
    Posted by smartlypretty[/QUOTE]

    I agree LOL

    My doc said that she does have a patient who is pregnant and taking what I am taking. She said sometimes it can be worse for the baby for the mother to go off the meds, which for me, could def be true. I'm on the lowest possible dose of my meds but when I go off, it's obvious and the longer I'm off, the worse it gets. I'm gonna do some googling and see the specialist too. I want the best for my future baby :)
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    The family ceremony sounds so nice!! When my mom got re-married (when I was 12), we did a family unity candle lighting ceremony together.  It included us, my mom, stepdad and stepbrother, It was really cute because my sister and step bro were like 8 and 7.   Yours sounds really sweet as well.

    And good luck on future baby planning :)  Sounds exciting!

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    edited July 2012

    This is what we've prepared...

    FAMILY UNITY RING CEREMONY
    Michelle and Robin, tomorrow as you seal your commitment to each other by giving and receiving rings, you will also make a commitment to Noah. As your friends and family, we recognize the significant role that Noah will play in your marriage and we are happy to see a new beautiful, blended family join together in love. Michelle and Robin would like to present this ring to Noah as a symbol of their family unity.

    Robin, please repeat after me:
    Not only do I vow to be a good and faithful husband to you, Michelle, but I also vow to be a patient, loving father to Noah, caring for him and providing for him as my own. I vow to be his strength and his emotional support, loving him with all my heart from this day forward.

    Michelle, please repeat after me:
    Noah, please accept this ring as our promise to love and cherish you, stand by you in all your endeavors, share in your joys and sorrows. We will be there whenever you need us and we will love you with all of our hearts, always and forever.

    (Facing both Michelle and Robin…)
    The ring is a circle… an ancient symbol of eternal love. This ring represents your family and your love for each other. In the giving of this ring, do you both pledge to Noah your commitment to surround and support him with unconditional love as you all share in your new life together? (We do)

    At this time, Michelle and Robin place the ring on Noah’s finger.
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    Beautiful!
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    Aww Meech I'm sooo happy you got this all worked out! I think it will feel as much (if not more!) of a "marriage" to ALL of you then the church ceremony!!
    Also have to say when i was reading itI got all teary eyed!! I'm just so happy for you, Robin, and your Sunshine!!!!  ♥♥
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    I'm really glad you guys were able to find a happy compromise :-)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_the-solution-update-re-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:f79b8fca-523e-4a46-95ba-3bce9b2bfff5Post:d8a28db6-a0b6-47ed-850f-0ecf4dd8e4fc">Re: the solution - update re: ceremony</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is what we've prepared... FAMILY UNITY RING CEREMONY Michelle and Robin, tomorrow as you seal your commitment to each other by giving and receiving rings, you will also make a commitment to Noah. As your friends and family, we recognize the significant role that Noah will play in your marriage and we are happy to see a new beautiful, blended family join together in love. Michelle and Robin would like to present this ring to Noah as a symbol of their family unity. Robin, please repeat after me: Not only do I vow to be a good and faithful husband to you, Michelle, but I also vow to be a patient, loving father to Noah, caring for him and providing for him as my own. I vow to be his strength and his emotional support, loving him with all my heart from this day forward. Michelle, please repeat after me : Noah, please accept this ring as our promise to love and cherish you, stand by you in all your endeavors, share in your joys and sorrows. We will be there whenever you need us and we will love you with all of our hearts, always and forever. (Facing both Michelle and Robin…) The ring is a circle… an ancient symbol of eternal love. This ring represents your family and your love for each other. In the giving of this ring, do you both pledge to Noah your commitment to surround and support him with unconditional love as you all share in your new life together? (We do) At this time, Michelle and Robin place the ring on Noah’s finger.
    Posted by mamameech[/QUOTE]


    This made me tear up!  It is so beautiful.  I am so happy you found a way to be true to yourselves.  I was just playing with the idea of "what if this wedding had been planned exactly how we wanted without worrying about others..."  A girl can dream, right? 

    Best of luck with your planning for a baby.  Definitely do some research and talk a lot to your doctors. 
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