Sticky Invitation issue

volleygurl0306

I am white and was raised Catholic (non-practicing now).  My fiance is black, agnostic (has a Muslim last name but he is not Muslim).  My grandparents don't approve of us so after over a year of fighting with them, going to counseling etc, we don't speak any more.  They won't be invited to the wedding.  Their daughter (my dad's sister) stuck her nose in the drama when it was going on to "defend" her parents and said some horrific things to my FI and me (i.e. told us not to have children because they would have a hard life being biracial with a Muslim last name...really???).  So she and her husband are not welcome either.  However, they have 3 kids (22, 19, and 8 yr old).  We aren't having young kids so the 8 yo isn't a problem.  However,  I have attempted to keep some semblence of a relationship with my other cousins (texts on birthdays etc).  The 19 yo doesn't really like me because she thinks I've been rude to her grandparents and mom and didn't invite me to her grad party.  Since she hasn't attacked my actual relationship though I thought with her to be the bigger person and invite her.  I don't think either of them will come but wanted to invite them anyways.  Our invitations will be sent in the summer when they are home from college.  It's going to be so awkward to send it to their parents house though.  Also, my aunt is a HUGE b*tch (if you didn't catch that) and I'm afraid she'll throw them out before my cousins even see them.  Should I not put a return address on them?  Use a regular instead of "wedding" forever stamp?  What would you do?

needle&thread

Call them (the cousins), feel them out and then send the invite if warranted.  If you feel attitude or snarkiness in their tone...dont even tell them you were going to invite them.

If she (19yo) didn't invite you to her party and she is biased because of gma/gpa and mom...dont let her embarrass you on your special day...take the hint (take the high road on another day!!!).  The last thing you want is the police/fire department at your wedding...with an ambulance and charges pressed--on video no less!!!.

jmho

kara811

You stated you're not sending out the invites until the summer right? Things can change between now and then. That's a long time in between. You should wait and see how the relationships between your relatives progress.

RyansBelovedBride

I agree with the pp and wait, but maybe in like say March feel them out. I wouldn't not invite the 19 year old just based on what happened-- after all, she's 19 and in the midst of the 'who am I? how much of me is defined by my family?' stage and by summer she could be a whole new ballgame... also, obviously her mom and grandparents were at her graduation party, so she may have not invited you just to avoid a scene/awkwardness that would have no potential at your wedding.

If you have the invitations by May and you do want to invite these cousins, it might benefit you to send them to their college... not so much because the mom might throw them out as because the cousins can accept or reject without having to discuss with their mom, and therefore you're considerately allowing them to avoid drama.  Also, as someone living with their parents (the economy isn't kind) I get sad when they get invited to a wedding I wasn't (not upset, just sad, I love weddings) and I always know. If I was back at college, I wouldn't even know to get upset. By sending invites to the same house your aunt lives in you're explicitly not inviting her.  Sending invites to college is more subtle. It might be worth sending out just the two invites a few weeks early.