HELP! I'm fustrated! Is anyone having language problems?

LilCrumpet

I am hoping someone else has gone through what I am experiencing and can offer me some comfort.. lol..

I am dating someone who is Chinese. I'm white. His entire family (with the exception of his brother and a few cousins) solely speak Cantonese. We are so close, and plan to marry in 2013. But, I always feel so bummed when I go to his parent's place. I can never communicate with anyone and therefore I sit there alone most of the time. I feel so alienated, because of the language barrier.

Help what do I do?! I am planning to become part of this family some day soon, but not being able to talk to anyone makes me feel so sad. Am I gonna be forced to get Rosetta Stone and learn Canto?

bogdan

Yes, I think I'd do Rosetta Stone! Or, if you have an iphone and they do, too, you can download itranslate. We had to do that to communicate with my Romanian SIL's parents. It was a bit awkward, but better than hand gestures:)

Chobot

Do they try to at least involve you in conversation. Sorry, that must feel really uncomfortable.  Rosetta stone or pimsleur might be fun for casual conversation, but perhaps a sibling or someone other than your FI can be a translater for you ..my brother does that sometimes for my mom.  However, my mom and dad own a store (ha koreans owning a store. go figure) and they can speak very well. He is there for the hard idioms and such.

Good luck~  Family and family, with or without language barriers. 

ayockey

I just went through the same thing when I was living in my fiance's country (Finland).  His parents only speak Finnish, and the family only speaks Finnish to each other.  SO ANNOYING to hear my name in the middle of a conversation I don't understand at all.

I know how scary it is to think about learning Canto -- talk about a hard language! But, I'm in a similar situation with Finnish (SO HARD).  Even though I already know a couple other languages, Finnish isn't easy at all. I thought about not learning it because it is so difficult and because my fiance knows English very well. 

I decided, however, that I wanted my children to be able to talk with their grandparents and not have to go through what I am going through right now with language frustrations.  So, I am learning Finnish.  I will hopefully learn the language better when kids eventually do come into the picture (my fiance will speak to them in Finnish and we will get children's books etc. in Finnish so I will learn right along with them).

For now, however. I'm using Livemocha.com (a free version of Rosetta Stone) because it also has native speakers who can help you, practice with you, and you get all the other benefits of Rosetta Stone. Did I mention it's free?! Well, the begninning classes are free, at least. It is much, much cheaper than Rosetta Stone though.  I would try it out and see how you like it before spending the money on Rosetta Stone if you decide you are going to learn the language.

Good luck!

ellone400

rosetta stone fiances family speaks russian

Soon2BeMrsTing

Any possibility of finding a tutor?  Perhaps there are Cantonese speakers at a nearby university?  Poor grad students might be willing to give language lessons in exchange for some quick cash, a gas card or a hot meal.

I'm sympathetic.  I've been living in Shanghai for seven years now.  H has been here for five, and we met over here.  I've worked very hard to learn Mandarin, but the learning curve is painfully steep.  I know I'll be learning both the language and the culture for a lifetime, and I'm very grateful that the in-laws are so generous to express appreciation when I speak their heart language with them, however falteringly.

medeawolff

I know how you feel! My FI's family and many of his friends solely speak Telugu, and I'm often very lost when they communicate. Conversations with my FMIL and I consist of Hello, how are you, and good bye. My FI is trying to teach me Telugu, but it is very slow going. 

You should definitely try to learn some Cantonese though, as I know that any effort is widely appreciated the family. My FMIL loves it when I use the Telugu words for veggies when we go shopping, or for when we go sightseeing together. Maybe your FI can help you learn/practice?

RyansBelovedBride

This is a little old, but in case OP still is looking, or if a new person with a similar thing comes along, but check your libraries. My local library (and I live in a small area, not a major city) recently added language software (Mango. I'd never heard of it, but it's supposed to be good) to the library, so that people with library cards can actually use it for free on the libraries website in their own home.

Blessedly, my FIL are all English speakers, but since I'm moving to India, I'm learning Hindi. I'm using free resources as much as possible, but I've also just started.