Interracial Weddings

Discrimination.

Have you and your beloved ever experienced discrimination for being an interracial couple?

Re: Discrimination.

  • we do get looks but that just comes with the territory, we dont focus on things like that.
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  • mizutamababymizutamababy member
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    edited April 2012
    Not much experience in the U.S... but in DH's country being married to DH helps nip a lot of the discrimination I might normally get in the bud.  Like normally a lot of landlords don't allow foreigners to rent apartments from them, it's not uncommon for dudes to steal foreign females' laundry (bras/panties), blame the local resident foreigner for garbage sorting mistakes, be refused loans/credit cards/iother services, etc.  Still very 1950's-1970's mentality when it comes to non-natives and sexism.

    A lot of Japanese think "half" (white) babies are cute so we keep getting egged on to have children, though.  However, I think if I were a Japanese female and my DH was foreign we'd still face more discrimination.  People, especially other Japanese men, tend to have that "oh, is your own kind not too good for you attitude" in that case.  As is most just assume I'm the "exotic" foreign wife and that he'll keep me straight so we don't get a lot of harrassment.
  • I'll share a story:
    FI was recruited to a firm in W. Virginia that needed an on-site psychologist; it was a great opportunity and we were really hoping it worked out. From what he explained he went on the management, "cubicle" and other floors and did not see a single minority. Passing through the cubicles, he noticed one guy's cubicle was lined with confederate flags and one big sign that read "The South Will Rise Again" (true story).

    He finally asked the tour guide where all the minorities were and he was calmly told "Cleaning the toilets or in the kitchen..f*ck if I know" FI told the man, thanks but this was not the place for him and asked if he would drop him off to meet me at the station. Apparently while getting out of the car, the guy grabbed his arm and said, "Boy you best smarten up; fooling with monkeys ain't gonna help your career."

    Needless to say we turned that job down...and cancelled our trip to W. Virginia for our vacation this year.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_discrimination?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:ea90a498-894e-419b-a889-8dbad276636bPost:2009e80b-f5fd-4a78-b6bc-ccc57509f02d">Re: Discrimination.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll share a story:
    Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

    I didn't want to really quote that because it was utterly jaw-dropping, but I needed to comment.  I am completely shocked that someone would actually <em>say</em> that.  That guy is lucky to still have his teeth! 
  • Elizabeth80Elizabeth80 member
    1000 Comments
    edited April 2012
    Wow Melissa so sorry that happened to you!

    FI and I did have a talk last night because there is a racial group that his family tends to dog in general. Yesterday at dinner FI and FIL were talking about this group and I kindly left the table to help his mom in the kitchen. Later that night I talked to FI and let him know why I left the conversation. I didn't want him to feel as if I was judging him too but at the same time I wanted him to know that I did not think that conversation was ok or something I want our kids growing up around. I flipped the script on him when he didn't understand to explain that the conversation that they had about that people group is the same one had in living rooms all over about my own race (african american). Upon realizing this he was so ashamed and upset with himself. He truly did not realize that it could have easily been my race they were discussing.

    I grew up realizing something my FI just never had anyone sit down and explain to him. Sadly some people just need educating.

    Melissa in your case he needs something that I can't quote right now on this board but a swift kick in the butt would be a good start.

    I honestly know FI and I get stares but I learned from a gf of mine to just ignore it. I just focus on him and wherever we are my eyes and heart on on him. Sure I feel their eyes on us or hear the 'are you two together' whenever we go out. I kindly say yes and move on. At the end of the day me and my man are all that matters.
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  • I live in the DC metro area and I am Puerto Rican and my fiance is African American.  We haven't gotten much discrimination, thankfully, other than a few stares and some dirty looks from a few African-American women.  I have heard some mumbles under the breath of a few people but we really don't care.  We love each other and if people can see that then they are able to see what true love really is.  No boundaries, no colors.
  • Surprisingly I dont *think* i've experienced any. If I have, I'm completely oblivious to it because when we're out and about I don't pay attention to other people or their reactions. Most times I don't even realize we're an interracial couple! lol
  • Not anymore and then when we were in highschool, nothing serious and only a handful of times.  People actually love seeing us together. 

    However, when we were in high school, my black guy friends would joke that I didn't like black guys because I was dating FI (who is Hispanic).  Also, sicne Fi is white hispanic, we would get a few stares sometimes from black guys when we were out...once in the T station, a black guy gave me the most wicked stare becuase I was huggng on fi and holding his hands and he made it known he was staring me down and shaking his head.  But that was so long ago. 

    I cannot believe people still care or make a big deal about mixed race/culture couples. That is so shameful and sad to me.
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  • The worst we ever get is when restaurant staff thinks our checks should be separate. Makes me giggle a little on the inside every time. So narrow-minded. LOL Otherwise we get lots of smiles. People, even strangers, think we make an excellent couple.
  • I mostly get it when people find out that I will not be converting for FI. After all, between the two of us, *I* am the religious person in the relationship. Why is it so hard to understand that, IF anyone converts, it will be the person who doesn't actually adhere to any religion? 

    Other than that, however, we basically only get it from really, REALLY religious Jewish people... apparently, it's a great sin for my dark, Sephardic (Turkish, Greek, Iraqi), Cohen FI to be involved with lil' ol' Irish-German me. :-P 
  • JBee85JBee85 member
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    melntaitt said:
    I'll share a story:
    FI was recruited to a firm in W. Virginia that needed an on-site psychologist; it was a great opportunity and we were really hoping it worked out. From what he explained he went on the management, "cubicle" and other floors and did not see a single minority. Passing through the cubicles, he noticed one guy's cubicle was lined with confederate flags and one big sign that read "The South Will Rise Again" (true story).
    That's not racism- that's a heritage pride thing. It's all over the South. West V. was historically confederate battleground too. However, the last paragraphs show there are.

    I grew up in the DC area. My fiance is from the Philippines and I am white. We actually were harassed by a group of African American girls while we were out on a date at a Chinese restaurant. They stalked us to the restaurant, made threats, derogatory statements (the manager made them leave). It got so out of hand that they tried following us to our car. Police were called for stalking and harassment and arrests were made. Yes, this seriously happened in the DC area.
  • JBee85JBee85 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    prlove said:
    I live in the DC metro area and I am Puerto Rican and my fiance is African American.  We haven't gotten much discrimination, thankfully, other than a few stares and some dirty looks from a few African-American women.  I have heard some mumbles under the breath of a few people but we really don't care.
    I don't know why this is...my fiance isn't black and we get stares too from this particular group of people AND latino girls. I don't understand the hatred... probably because I'm white and was considered a minority in that particular area?
  • Thankfully living in Md my fiancé and I haven't faced any problems!
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  • MFTinSTLMFTinSTL member
    First Comment
    edited June 2013
    I'm African American and my fiancé is white. We were having brunch at a place in Kansas City, KS. While we were eating, this white couple at the table across from us literally dropped their forks while eating as if they found flies in their food. The husband then stares at us with this really mean look and wouldn't stop. We ignored him for a while but I have some snarky-ness in me so I mimicked him by dropping my fork and stared at him with the same funny look. His wife said something to him, they got their check, and left.
  • I'm African American, and my fiance is German and Cuban; if it's not summer, he's pretty fair toned.

    We've been together since 2009, and live in the suburbs of Dallas, Texas and we got looks from day one, from both races. 

    What's worse now is that I cut my permed hair off in October 2012, so now I have a short, kinky afro, and the people stare in fascination now. Our town is full of older Caucasians, so they're not used to it. 

    Some of our family isn't even okay with it yet, they believe we're messing up the gene pool. It's amazing what some will say and how they look at you like you're an object.
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  • sydwil23 said:
    I'm African American, and my fiance is German and Cuban; if it's not summer, he's pretty fair toned.

    We've been together since 2009, and live in the suburbs of Dallas, Texas and we got looks from day one, from both races. 

    What's worse now is that I cut my permed hair off in October 2012, so now I have a short, kinky afro, and the people stare in fascination now. Our town is full of older Caucasians, so they're not used to it. 

    Some of our family isn't even okay with it yet, they believe we're messing up the gene pool. It's amazing what some will say and how they look at you like you're an object.


    Wow messing up the gene pool... That's crazy
    I hope they come around and if not its their loss!
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  • Thankfully living in Md my fiancé and I haven't faced any problems!
    My issue came from Maryland... >.>
  • JBee85 said:
    Thankfully living in Md my fiancé and I haven't faced any problems!
    My issue came from Maryland... >.>


    I know in some areas of md it might be less accepted.
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  • It's kind of funny. I've been married for a month now, and all the time i have been on the knot it never occurred to me to come to the interracial section. I just popped in out of curiosity and then thought, huh... I guess we are an interracial couple.... (he's African American and I'm Native American/Irish/Polish) Anyway, I'm very happy to report that I have never seen any racial discrimination towards us as a couple. Once my fiance said two African American girls were staring daggers at us because he was with me, but I didn't notice, and I don't really consider that much to think about. Other than that I haven't noticed anything in a negative direction, or even a weird assumption on the part of others because of our race. We live in the Detroit area as well, so not a place you would think is free of racial tensions. I can see from previous posters that every experience is still out there, but I am hopeful from my own experience that racism is starting to die out, and even discomfort at seeing interracial couples (people who might stare or act weird without meaning to be racist) is dying out.
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  • edited January 2015
    Yes, but usually from people outside the family.

    There was an incident where we walked into a Chik-Fil-A in Columbia, TN and were greeted with confusion and hateful stares to the point where I let go of his hand. People have approached me separately from him in Pulaski, TN to ask if I was a foreign exchange student and he was my guide, or to ask if we were "together. No, actually together. Like in a relationship together." only to give me foul stares when I said yes, and people have flat out pointed and laughed. 

    The worst was when his mother's manager informed her that he was "disgracing the white race" by entering a relationship with me at all, and that he'll be guilty of "weakening the gene pool," by eventually having children with me, because my genetics are "bad" and all I'm going to contribute is "lower IQs and bad behavior," along with other stereotypes like diabetes and obesity, so if he wants the white race to have any hope at all in the future, he'll leave me and find a nice white girl to keep the gene pool strong.

    I have a college degree, I'm enlisted in the military, eligible for several officer programs and already know which one I will seek out when the time comes, I've never had a run in with police (except for a case of mistaken identity that was very quickly corrected by me giving my full name and them realizing they had the wrong Erica), never even been suspended from school, I'm in great health and below my minimum weight actually, meanwhile my FI has been arrested and expelled from two different schools, but there are no accusations towards him. 

    Neither of us have "bad blood" and what makes it worse is that the man who said it was someone I was previously told that I could run to in an emergency and trust, even though I'd brought up the awful looks he's given me multiple times, and it still hurt for him to have met me and know how I behave (my behavior falls in line with those bullshit respectability politics standards), and still talk completely out of the crack of his ass towards me, directly to my FMIL who constantly brags on my accomplishments as much as my FI's and FBIL's.
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  • My FI and I are from NOLA and we get the stares. My car has a Tulane Alumni plate and people think its his car. 

    One time, we were in the mall and there was this couple who staring so hard, I could feel their eyes burning a hole in my shirt. So, I tell FI we should go and he asked why. I pointed to the couple who were giving the gris gris eye and FI turns around quickly and says, "What the f&^k y'all looking at?!"

    Everyone turned around and the couple was so embarrassed that they ran out. I couldn't do anything but laugh.
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  • my Fiance is black and I am white. His mother refuses to meet or talk to me and she actually kicked him out for wanting to be with me. She called him racist against black women for wanting to marry me. Is that a thing? I love him but I'm terrified that his and my family will feel that way. 
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