Invitation Wording Issues

katy0990

I posted earlier and it never showed up so if this is a duplicate I apologize.
Backstory:
My parents went through a very ugly divorce 4 years ago. I have not had any relationship with my mother since. She wants nothing to do with me becasue I did not back her in the divorce and she does not let my dad, my brother, or me see my younger siblings. She calls me on Christmas and my birthday and simply says ''Hi it's your mom. I was calling to say happy birthday/ merry Christmas. Happy birthday/ merry Christmas. Click. If I tell her I love her she accuses me of lying. You get the picture. Because of all of this she is not invited to the wedding. I do not want to spend the whole day wondering if she will show or feeling disappointed she did not come.
Everyone supports this decision. However, my dad informed me that he wants her name included on the invitation. I was simply going to leave all perents off since my fiance and I are the the primary hosts. However, I do not want to upset my dad as he is helping with some of the cost and I so appreciate that.
Should I include her on the invitation even though she is not going to be invited? (I am inviting my siblings so she will see it) If so how do I word that since they are not together? Should I then include my fiance's (divorced) parents as well.
I had no idea invitations would be this stressful!
Thanks for your help and sorry for the length!

libby2483

While I don't know all of the details of the situation, it seems like you have no relationship with your mother, so it would seem very odd to me to include her on the invitation.  The name of the host(s) goes on the invitation, so if she is not even attending, she is certainly not hosting.  I would just stick with wording that indicates your fiance is hosting, or use something like "together with their families".  I'm sorry that you have to deal with such a crappy situation.

LeiselEB

It's nice that your dad wants to include her, but the invitation is not the best place for that - the program is a perfect place to list your mom as "mother of the bride" or just with your dad under "parents of the bride".

The invitation is only supposed to tell guests who is hosting the wedding - if your mom is not invited to the wedding, it would make no sense to have her listed as a host. 

Good luck

aragx6

What are your dad's reasons for this? To try and save face? Because it looks more traditional? Something else?

If you were inviting her and in good faith wanted to put her name on the invitation, that would be one thing, but it seems very odd to me that he'd want to include the name of a person who is not even invited to the wedding.

I would sit down with your dad and try to get down to th heart of the matter -- if you understand why he's doing it, maybe you can figure out how to best convince him it's a lousy idea.

katy0990

My dad thinks that someday she will come around and that it will help if I can say I tried to include her. I am not sure she will ever come around and even if she does she is going to have to understand that I made the best decision I could at the time.