Relative Invites

goodlookin72

I wish I could have thought of something more clever to entitle my post but this will have to do. I am having an issue with relatives. I am having a very small wedding (around 80 guests) and the room we are having the wedding in is very small as well. Out of the cousins, there are 11 total on my mom and dad's side (9 if you remove myself and my sister from the list). I am having my 2 cousins from my dad's side come as one of them is my best man. However, there's a LOT more on my mom's side and I had not planned on inviting them, terrible as it is. My fiance and I are having a big party in my home state next year to invite everyone who didn't get to come to the wedding to meet my new bride and our kids. However, my mother is insisting that I send invitations to the cousins on her side of the family. She maintains that they will not be able to afford to come but need to be included anyway. One has already invited themselves, announcing that they are planning on being here. My attitude regarding the situation is that if I send them invites, I need to plan on them being there, regardless of whether or not my mother thinks they'll come. We're having a destination wedding after all and our city is a tourist trap to begin with. Anybody else had to deal with this?

MyNameIsNot

You're right that if you invite them, you have to plan to have them there.

There is no rule that if you invite on cousin you have to invite them all, but you do have to realize that it will have an effect on the family dynamic.  Many couples choose to do all or none when it comes to levels like 1st cousins, 2nd cousins, etc to avoid the hurt feelings and family animosity.  Your mom might be right that cutting off the cousins on mom's side might cause permanent damage.  Only you and your family knows how that portion of your family works.

Also, it is rude to host a celebration party for guests that didn't make the invitation cut.  If they don't make the cut for the wedding, don't try to offer a consoidation prize.  Those parties are for people who couldn't make the trip, not people that didn't make the guestlist.  Don't rub salt in the wound.  

egm900

Assume everyone will come, what would you do if more RSVPed than the space can hold?  Either find a new space, or make a cut on the guest list.  Most people understand that venues can only hold so many people, but your family may not see it that way.  It is rude to have a wedding related party and invite people not invited to the ceremony, but there isn't any reason you can't have a party to introduce that side of the family to your bride and family.