Save the dates for reception-only?

reynasylene

Our ceremony is only going to be familiy and close friends, but reception is potluck-style so everyone will be invited. My plan is to have 2 different wedding invites- one for ceremony/reception and one for just reception. Question is: should we send out Save the Dates to everyone?

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-dates-for-reception-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:2d409c42-39bb-4980-a732-9bc6bff081efPost:bb52213d-fc88-441c-9037-180f9a46c3ea">Save the dates for reception-only?</a>:
[QUOTE]Our ceremony is only going to be familiy and close friends, but reception is potluck-style so everyone will be invited. My plan is to have 2 different wedding invites- one for ceremony/reception and one for just reception. Question is: should we send out Save the Dates to everyone?
Posted by reynasylene[/QUOTE]

Oh goodness no. I'm really sorry, but potluck is so incredibly rude. Please host the guests you can afford properly.

You might want to post on the Budget Weddings board for some great ideas on how to stretch the money you have to spend. Lots of brides have great receptions for $1,000 (or even less sometimes!)

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-dates-for-reception-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:2d409c42-39bb-4980-a732-9bc6bff081efPost:bb52213d-fc88-441c-9037-180f9a46c3ea">Save the dates for reception-only?</a>:
[QUOTE]Our ceremony is only going to be familiy and close friends, but reception is potluck-style so everyone will be invited. My plan is to have 2 different wedding invites- one for ceremony/reception and one for just reception. Question is: should we send out Save the Dates to everyone?
Posted by reynasylene[/QUOTE]

Ok, where to start. . . . .

You are having a tiered reception where some people are invited to both ceremony and reception, others to only the reception.  This is considered rude.  As such I can't really advise you on how to properly invite people to it.

You should really host the wedding you can afford for all of your guests.  This brings me to the next point, potluck.  Having people bring food to your wedding is not properly hosting them.  Perhaps you can do a cake and punch reception or something, based on what time your wedding is to be sure that you can properly host your guests.

Good luck!

libby2483

Oh my, please don't have a potluck wedding.  It is pretty high on the list of tackiest things that a bride can do.  The whole point of the reception is to host and thank your guests.  Asking them to provide the food defeats the whole point of this.

Also, if you are having a truly private ceremony (usually under 20 people, immediately family only), and a much larger reception, what you are planning is fine.  However, if you are inviting like 50 people to the ceremony and 100 to the reception, it is considered a tiered reception, and it is very rude.  These numbers are only an approximation, but you get the idea.  For a ceremony to be truly private, it must be only a small percentage of your overall guest list.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-dates-for-reception-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:2d409c42-39bb-4980-a732-9bc6bff081efPost:bb52213d-fc88-441c-9037-180f9a46c3ea">Save the dates for reception-only?</a>:
[QUOTE]Our ceremony is only going to be familiy and close friends, but reception is potluck-style so everyone will be invited. My plan is to have 2 different wedding invites- one for ceremony/reception and one for just reception. Question is: should we send out Save the Dates to everyone?
Posted by reynasylene[/QUOTE]

There is just so much wrong going on here:

1. Pot luck receptions are one of the rudest things you can do.  You never require or ask your guests to work your wedding.
2. A small ceremony before a large reception should be immediate family only.  When you go outside of that then you are telling people that some are better than others.

reynasylene

Thanks for all the input. Everything is going to be pretty casual and potluck-style is a tradition in our small town and everyone looks forward to it. We're not asking everyone to bring food, just family & friends that want to help and we will make the rest ourselves. I should say its more buffet-style, rather than a traditional sit-down dinner. I would love to invite everyone to the wedding as well but my church is very small.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-dates-for-reception-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:2d409c42-39bb-4980-a732-9bc6bff081efPost:4ee0d8ae-3cc2-45db-8a58-9241b7590ee9">Re: Save the dates for reception-only?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Save the dates for reception-only? : <strong>It's still really rude to invite people to the reception only.</strong>  It's tough but you'll probably have to cut your guest list.  Good luck!
Posted by Sylvia Weis[/QUOTE]

Not always.  If you have an intimate ceremony, then it is fine.  It is when you start picking and choosing who is good enough to make the cut based on an arbitrary number like how many the church can hold, then it is rude.

mariakhristine

I would send the save the dates to everyone. The difference with yours will probably be in the actual invites--so when you send the invites to the people invited only to the reception, you will list only the reception venue on the invite.

Also, there is nothing rude about inviting people to just the reception. Good heavens.

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_save-the-dates-for-reception-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:2d409c42-39bb-4980-a732-9bc6bff081efPost:e982763a-f5c8-4960-878f-7fe78b316bec">Re: Save the dates for reception-only?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would send the save the dates to everyone. The difference with yours will probably be in the actual invites--so when you send the invites to the people invited only to the reception, you will list only the reception venue on the invite. Also, there is nothing rude about inviting people to just the reception. Good heavens.
Posted by mariakhristine[/QUOTE]

Maria, read Good's post just above yours. Good heavens.

reynasylene

Thank you Maria! Personally, I don't consider it rude either. There have been many weddings where we've only been invited to the reception. My issue isn't with budgeting or trying to "choose" between people, its with space. My church can only hold about 80 people comfortably, and after our families, that's already half the space! We would have more people upset if they didn't get invited to anything at all.