So. My fiance and I are not wanting to have a big to do for our wedding. We'd love to have a small, low key affair, but still have it be dressy/fancy. Due to large families the traditional full dinner and reception is not feasible budget-wise, so we have come up with a creative idea.
We will be pretending to have a surprise 30th birthday cocktail party for me (the bride) in a friend's backyard 'planned' by my mom and fiance, then we'll spring the surprise on our guests. (When they are all waiting in the backyard to surprise ME, I will walk around the corner in a wedding dress. Haha.) Very few people will be informed of the surprise in advance - parents, grandparents and out-of-town guests. I really like this idea because I can still design/plan the things I want to design/plan, but no one will be asking me about anything because they think it's a surprise! Much less pressure overall to conform to everyone's opinions!
Anyway, what I am stuck on is how to word the invitation in a way that informs our guests of what is happening (low-key, but classy/dressed up cocktail party with appetizers and drinks...and a SURPRISE) and more specifically how to say "We really want you to dress up but you don't have to". If people want to wear jeans or whatever they want, I don't care (I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable), but we, as a couple, really like dressing up, so we think it would be fun if people wore fancy cocktail attire.
Any and all suggestions are welcome! Thanks in advance!
Re: Wording help - Wedding disguised as a Surprise 30th Birthday
I would prioritize attending a wedding over a birthday party -- so I could envision you may have friends who might do the same. In any event, have a great time!
[QUOTE]Personally, I think surprise weddings are a horrible idea. I'm far more likely to attend a wedding than a birthday party. If I skipped your birthday because I had another engagement, and then found out it was a wedding, I would be really upset. If you don't want people asking about how the wedding planning is going, then don't talk to people about the wedding. But I would seriously reconsider the 'surprise' idea.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
Exactly this. DH & I tend to go out of our way to attend someone's wedding...a 30th bday party, meh, notsomuch. I would be incredibly annoyed to show up to a "surprise" wedding.
Quite honestly, I think you're a bit delusional if you think in telling parents, grandparents, AND out of town guests that word won't get around that it's your wedding day. You're sure that Grandma Sue won't be casually talking to Aunt Joan: "Oooh, I need to go shopping for a dress for for Chanson's wedding!!!" Plus, I'm assuming everyone knows you're engaged? That usually means a wedding is imminent...<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
[QUOTE]Personally, I think surprise weddings are a horrible idea. I'm far more likely to attend a wedding than a birthday party. If I skipped your birthday because I had another engagement, and then found out it was a wedding, I would be really upset. If you don't want people asking about how the wedding planning is going, then don't talk to people about the wedding. But I would seriously reconsider the 'surprise' idea.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
This exacltly
[QUOTE]Personally, I think surprise weddings are a horrible idea. I'm far more likely to attend a wedding than a birthday party. If I skipped your birthday because I had another engagement, and then found out it was a wedding, I would be really upset. If you don't want people asking about how the wedding planning is going, then don't talk to people about the wedding. But I would seriously reconsider the 'surprise' idea.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
Yep.
And if you are going to have a surprise wedding, you take your chances with what those who show up are wearing.
[QUOTE]Ditto cfas. And I can tell you that if I received an invitation for a surpise 30th birthday party held in someone's backyard, I would NOT be wearing cocktail attire.
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]
<div>I agree. Unless you are okay with people missing your wedding because they didn't know it was actually your wedding, I wouldn't do this. Also be prepared for people to be angry that they missed your wedding if they declined this "birthday party" invitation. If one of my close friends had a birthday party, I would do my best to attend, but wouldn't change a bunch of plans if it was inconvenient to attend. I would, however, prioritze a friend's wedding over almost any other event. Also, I think you will be disappointed if you are hoping that people show up to a backyard BBQ in cocktail attire.</div>
Please reconsider this idea
They both involve deception and secrecy, which in and of themselves piss people off, and may also convey a sense to those hearing about it that the participants don't take marriage seriously. And, some people who would skip a birthday party would be very upset to learn that they'd also skipped a wedding.
Please, don't do it.