and the +1 debacle continues

kaos16

My FI and I had multiple conversations where we decided that truly single guests would be invited without a +1, both to save a bit of money, and because in our venue when you get ove a certain number of guests some have to be seated above the shark tank instead of just around it. . . . I kinda prefer everyone on the same level.  Now that invitations have gone out, and we are starting to get RSVPs back he feels bad about not inviting people with guests.

We had our first guest who was invited solo RSVP with a +1.  Everyone says it happens, but I was still a little taken aback by it.  It just seems ballsy to me.  We still have a lot of RSVPs still outstanding, so we might get more no's and still be able to fit everyone on one level.

That coupled with the argument FI have gotten into about the topic caused me to have an absurd dream where people were RSVPing with friends, their dad, their cousings. . . . one even RSVP'ed with their masseuse.  It was bizarre.

I think that with 47 days to the wedding (as per the Knot's countdown) w have found the first wedding fight trigger between FI and me.

Really, this is just a vent because I'm a little bummed out that he conveniently forgot that we made a joint decision and is trying to blame me. 

kaos16

To my knowledge he is not dating anyone. . . . if he is, they began dating within the 2 days between when we sent the invitation and when we got the RSVP back.

Although, sending a single to invite to someone when you genuinely do not know that they are in a relationship doesn't neccesarily put you "in the wrong".  It could be an honest mistake, and is easily fixed with a simple apology and a "we can't wait to meet your significant other at the wedding"  Sending a single invitation to someone you KNOW is in a relationship would put you in the wrong.

MyNameIsNot

Even if you get the No space to make room for this add on, I would still politely call and explain that the invitation was just for one.  

Otherwise, you are rewarding the rude person, and not being fair to the other singles that weren't pushy.

And yes, you would be in the wrong if you had invited a guest who did have a s/o without the s/o.  As the host, the onus is on you to find out the relationship status of your guests.  

roffewoods

I disagree about "being in the wrong" for not inviting SO.  My fiance was recently invited to his friend's wedding.  I was not.  I thought it was odd, I laughed at it, but I was not upset.  People have budgets, and sometimes it forces them to make certain decisions.  They wanted to see him at the wedding rather than having to cut him out completely becuase I had to be attached.  We are doing the same for our wedding.  If the guest is not engaged or married, no guest.  We feel bad about it, but we would rather have that cousin/friend/relative there than not be invited at all.

phfiely

Guests definitely shouldnt be adding additional people on their RSVPs.

It was rude that the poster above was not invited to your fiance's friend's wedding. She should have been invited. Adults in relationships should be invited with their SO's regardless of whether they are engaged/married etc. Some people may live together for 30 years in a committed relationship and never get married-that doesn't mean their SO "doesn't count."

I think the problem is planning. People pick a venue without making a rough guest list and seeing if the numbers work and will fit in the space. IMO, it's much easier, simpler, and less offensive to guests to just give everyone a plus one. If the person is truly single, they likely won't bring anyone. Then in the beginning you know everyone will fit in the venue, and it's a bonus that guests dont end up bringing plus ones, saving you money.

Obviously too late for that, but if this guy is in a relationship, he should have been invited with his SO. I know I easily verified relationship status between save the dates and invites by asking my guests and even checking name spelling on facebook. Several things had changed, so it was good I did or I'd be awkwardly inviting guests with their exes lol.