forgot to write "no children" on invites :(

Miss GS

hey girls, i just realized that i forgot to write no children please on the invitations and unfortunately our venue is very small and will already be at capacity with the adults, is it too late to relay the message now? I havent sent the invites out yet but they are printed and ready to go, Im afraid some people will take it upon themselves to bring their kids  

Amt2109

How have you addressed the invites? If you haven't specified any children's names ( or said 'and family') on the invites, most people would assume no children. Course, there's always a few who won't grasp that, but they're the phonecall people after the rsvp date.

jess9802

It's rude to put "no children" on the invitations. Make sure you have addressed them only to the people you are actually inviting, for example "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" and not "The John Smith Family."

jena.n.ross

Ditto PPs.  It's tacky and poor etiquette to write "no children" or "adult only."  Address the envelopes to just the parents, and if they RSVP and write in their kids, call them and politely explain due to venue space/budget, you can only accommodate the parents, and hope they will still be able to attend.  You can also have your family/WP spread it through word of mouth.

Maybe pre-fill out the RSVP cards with just the parents' names.

amy7177

just add an insert to go with the invites stating adult reception to follow. or "in order to keep our reception intimate and romantic, we are asking that attendees be adults" or something like that. who cares if its rude? really...etiquette doesnt pay the bills. I am planning on doing this.

jena.n.ross

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_forgot-write-children-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:492c3268-865f-40a4-8bb2-862e6b94fa6bPost:aa0cd4c8-fde3-42c6-996d-61add27f8f02">Re: forgot to write "no children" on invites :(</a>:
[QUOTE]just add an insert to go with the invites stating adult reception to follow. or "in order to keep our reception intimate and romantic, we are asking that attendees be adults" or something like that. who cares if its rude? really..<strong>.etiquette doesnt pay the bills.</strong> I am planning on doing this.
Posted by amy7177[/QUOTE]
Rudeness doesn't pay the bills either.<div>
</div><div>"Who cares if it's rude?"  Who even says that?</div>

lindsaynewbride10

Do NOT put anything on or around or even in the same county anything that says no kids or adult reception. The easy fix here is how you address them. Mr and Mrs instead of and family should be pretty obvious. And why would you ever want to come off as rude if there's a way to do it right? Dumb.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_forgot-write-children-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:492c3268-865f-40a4-8bb2-862e6b94fa6bPost:aa0cd4c8-fde3-42c6-996d-61add27f8f02">Re: forgot to write "no children" on invites :(</a>:
[QUOTE]just add an insert to go with the invites stating adult reception to follow. or "in order to keep our reception intimate and romantic, we are asking that attendees be adults" or something like that. who cares if its rude? really...etiquette doesnt pay the bills. I am planning on doing this.
Posted by amy7177[/QUOTE]

So rudeness pays your bills?? OP and everyone, I beg you to ignore that advice.

caseyandlizzie

Address the invitation to those invited (parents/adults). If they respond with more people than were invited then you just need to call them and polietly explain that you cannot accomodate the entire family. We did not invite children and we had a few couples who decided not to come because of this. It stinks, but we didn't have the space for it either.

afb124

sorry to the proper etiquette people out there - if this is you, stop reading b/c this will offend you.....  People do NOT know/understand/actually read who the invitation is addressed to - yes some do but there are those who don't.  If everyone actually knew that only those listed on the invitation are the ones invited this would be a mute point, but not everyone does. I found that sadly, you do need to spell it out b/c there are those that feel their little cherubs are welcome wherever they are and invited wherever they are.  SO - we included a little note in the invitations to those people who have young children "Although we love children, we are sorry but we are not able to accommodate children under the age of 13 at our wedding. Thank you for understanding & we hope you are able to join us on our special day."  People can think it is rude if they want but truly I don't care. My FI & I know going into our day that sounds of screaming/screeching kids, especially in the old, marble, seriously echo-y church, would be a little bothersome to us. And kids do this, especially very young ones - it's not their fault - this is what they do. That's why we included that note. 

Miss GS - Seriously, don't let people tell you what's rude, etc. becuase it is ruder (in my opinion) when parents bring their univited children ("well, you didn't say not to bring little Johnny!") & why should your day be interrupted with screams of little kids when you knew upfront you did not want them there - for that reason!

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_forgot-write-children-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:492c3268-865f-40a4-8bb2-862e6b94fa6bPost:7d16c574-8dcb-4acb-9531-fea17519a4e0">Re: forgot to write "no children" on invites :(</a>:
[QUOTE]sorry to the proper etiquette people out there - if this is you, stop reading b/c this will offend you.....  People do NOT know/understand/actually read who the invitation is addressed to - yes some do but there are those who don't.  If everyone actually knew that only those listed on the invitation are the ones invited this would be a mute point, but not everyone does. I found that sadly, you do need to spell it out b/c there are those that feel their little cherubs are welcome wherever they are and invited wherever they are.  SO - we included a little note in the invitations to those people who have young children "Although we love children, we are sorry but we are not able to accommodate children under the age of 13 at our wedding. Thank you for understanding & we hope you are able to join us on our special day."  <strong>People can think it is rude if they want but truly I don't care.</strong> My FI & I know going into our day that sounds of screaming/screeching kids, especially in the old, marble, seriously echo-y church, would be a little bothersome to us. And kids do this, especially very young ones - it's not their fault - this is what they do. That's why we included that note.  Miss GS - <strong>Seriously, don't let people tell you what's rude, etc. becuase it is ruder (in my opinion) when parents bring their univited children</strong> ("well, you didn't say not to bring little Johnny!") & why should your day be interrupted with screams of little kids when you knew upfront you did not want them there - for that reason!
Posted by afb124[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>So you don't care if other people think YOU'RE rude, but it it pisses you off when OTHER people are rude?  Hello, hypocrite!</div><div>
</div><div>You are correct, it is rude for someone to bring a child, or any person!, who was not invited.  But you should not fight rudeness by preemptively being rude yourself.</div><div>
</div><div>OP--Please don't listen to this poster. Please listen to everyone else.  Simple address the invite to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.  Do not put "and family" or list the child's name or anything on it.  If it will help, some people choose to personalize the RSVP cards with the guests' names on them to even further help avoid confusion.</div><div>
</div><div>If someone DOES put litlte Jimmy on their RSVP card, then you politely call them and tell them you are sorry, but the invite was only for John and wife and Jimmy cannot be accommodated.  </div><div>

</div>

teacherbride30

I totally agree. This post wouldn't be here if people didn't bring their uninvited children. I personally don't care about children being at my wedding. I'm surrounded by them all day- it would be odd to not have any there!  But if it's that important to you....yes, some people just NEED it spelled out. It's your day and your money.

afb124

Sorry no, I don't care if people think I'm rude b/c it's our wedding and this is what my FI & want.  And when others get married I respect the way they want to have their wedding, especially after living through this planning (as we all know can be kinda stressful at times!) We only get 1 day to get married & we want it the way we want it.

caseyandlizzie

Actually, adults are smarter than you think afb. We did not invite children and only addressed the invitation to the parents and guess what...no one brought their kids with them even though we did not include an insert about how their kids weren't invited. Also, we didn't get any extras added to the RSVP card because people can read.

Expressly telling someone they are not invited is rude.

JanoBean75

Not a single person tried to bring their kids and I didn't mention anything about "no kids" or "adult reception."

Not all people are idiots. Most of them will understand.

hz80408

afb- you should probably include a note saying "please don't bring your grandma, uncle, or dog" also, since people just don't get it.

OP - please listen to the advice of shortee, casey, etc.  It's rude to explicitly list who isn't invited. Only list those that are invited and if people RSVPs include their children, you'll have to call and politely explain that they cannot be accommodated.

Miss GS

Hey girls, I just had the chance to check in, seems like we are all very passionate about this topic. At this point Im sorta glad I didnt write it, I will be writing in every persons name, so Im hoping they get the hint, if not I am having my MOH clarify so I am not put in the middle. However I do also see the other side of this, some people really do need it spelled out, I have a feeling there will be at least one person that didnt get the message. Thank you for all your advice

banana468

Some people need it spelled out because they may not know better.  However the way to do so is to correct their rudeness and not to anticipate it.

If someone responds for more than were invited, you call and apologize for any misunderstanding and then re-clarify those invited.

To write 'adults only' is the etiquette version of punishing the entire class because one person threw a spit ball.  It assumes that NO ONE knows what to do correctly and insults all guests.


No one here is saying that you can't have an adult event.  As a parent I take no offense if I received an invitation just to me and my husband. (although she is so cute that you'd probably want her there ;-) )   However I don't need things spelled out for me.  Why not write "no jeans and women please do not come topless with tassles hanging from your nipples"?  Better yet, you can also write out, "Please don't get stabby with the flatware" on the tables."

jena.n.ross

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_forgot-write-children-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:492c3268-865f-40a4-8bb2-862e6b94fa6bPost:9d96da89-cff2-4555-b8f3-950d0459107c">Re: forgot to write "no children" on invites :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Some people need it spelled out because they may not know better.  However the way to do so is to correct their rudeness and not to anticipate it. If someone responds for more than were invited, you call and apologize for any misunderstanding and then re-clarify those invited. To write 'adults only' is the etiquette version of punishing the entire class because one person threw a spit ball.  It assumes that NO ONE knows what to do correctly and insults all guests. No one here is saying that you can't have an adult event.  As a parent I take no offense if I received an invitation just to me and my husband. (although she is so cute that you'd probably want her there ;-) )   However I don't need things spelled out for me.  Why not write "<strong>no jeans and women please do not come topless with tassles hanging from your nipples</strong>"?  Better yet, you can also write out, "Please don't get stabby with the flatware" on the tables."
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Wait, that's not okay?  What if they're REALLY nice tassels?<div>
</div><div>:)</div>

banana468

Get wool ones. They'll keep you warm.

jena.n.ross

Would wearing a white skirt be tacky?

hz80408

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_forgot-write-children-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:492c3268-865f-40a4-8bb2-862e6b94fa6bPost:9d96da89-cff2-4555-b8f3-950d0459107c">Re: forgot to write "no children" on invites :(</a>:
[QUOTE]  As a parent I take no offense if I received an invitation just to me and my husband. (<strong>although she is so cute that you'd probably want her there</strong> ;-) )   Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

She seriously is adorable!!