Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Invitations & Paper
abysmom25
member
Already married....invitation wording?
Ok, so here's my story. My husband and I are already married. We decided to get married on Christmas Day because we don't make enough money to pay for our wedding ourselves and we're not really getting any help from our parents. So, we decided to have a ceremony and use our tax refund money to have our wedding. My question is how should I word our invitations for our wedding? Should I word them like a traditional wedding invitation? Should I choose wording like we're renewing our vows? Should I include my new last name our my maiden name? I'm pretty confused about this. Thanks for the help!
BTW, my whole family was at our Christmas Day ceremony, so we're not inviting people to a "fake" wedding that they think is the real thing.
BTW, my whole family was at our Christmas Day ceremony, so we're not inviting people to a "fake" wedding that they think is the real thing.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Already married....invitation wording?
[QUOTE]Ok, whatever.<strong> I'm calling it my wedding because my first "wedding" was at my grandma's house, wearing black pants and a t-shirt. We didn't have anything, except the marriage license. I'm not trying to pass this off as my wedding, though.</strong> All it was was basically a civil ceremony. It's one of the most important days of my life, besides the birth of my 2 children. But it's not what I wanted. so, come June 16th, I'll be getting what I've been dreaming of. I assumed it would be considered renewing our vows, but everything about what we're planning screams wedding. The only thing we won't have is a marriage license. So I was just asking how I should word my invitations. I don't want to make it sound like we've been married for years and we're renewing our vows now, but I don't really want to put something about getting married because we already are. That's all I was asking.
Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is not a wedding. A wedding is where you actually get married. Calling this a wedding would be like calling your cat an elephant. It is delusional, and will lead people to question your sanity. You don't have to have been married for years to renew your vows. Your invitations should say:</div><div>
</div><div>Mr. and Mrs. Wife and Husband </div><div>invite you to witness </div><div>as they renew their vows </div><div>at</div><div>Place</div><div>on </div><div>Date</div><div>
</div><div>Reception to follow</div><div>
</div><div>Or if you are doing a church blessing, you would word it to explain that.
</div>
[QUOTE]I really don't appreciate being called delusional or having you say people will think I'm insane for calling this my wedding. I'm not crazy, I know this isn't my real wedding. I already had my wedding, I understand that. All I asked was how to word my invitations, not for ya'll to call me crazy for calling my renewal ceremony and reception my wedding, which to me, is what it is.
Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]
<div>I didn't call you crazy. You should re-read my response if that's what you got. </div><div>
</div><div>But if you do think your cat is an elephant, I can't help you. </div>
It isn't your wedding. You had that already. It's a vow renewal (I do find it maybe a little odd to have a renewal a few months after the wedding--typically they fall on big anniveraries like 5 or 10 years, but whatever). So just say vow renewal on the invitations and call it a day.
[QUOTE]So you know it isn't your wedding but want to call it that anyhow? WHY? If you are aware it's a vow renewal, then that's what you need to call it. You can still have a nice vow renewal and reception. We're not telling you to not have it. But you asked how to word the invitations, and that's the responses you've gotten. I really don't get what you're upset about. Everyone has actually been helpful in answering your question. It isn't your wedding. You had that already. It's a vow renewal <strong>(I do find it maybe a little odd to have a renewal a few months after the wedding--typically they fall on big anniveraries like 5 or 10 years, but whatever</strong>). So just say vow renewal on the invitations and call it a day.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
That's why I don't want to call it a vow renewal. I didn't have a nice ceremony and reception, a wedding dress, invitations, anything. So yes, if ya'll want to call me delusional for wanting to call this my wedding, then whatever. And for the person that said that they'd think I was being gift grabby if they got an invitation from me saying they were invited to a wedding knowing I was already married, no one would think that because my family doesn't think I'm greedy, nor do my friends. Oh, and the only gift we got for our wedding was a bottle of Champagne from my brother and his girlfriend. That's it. So how am I being gift grabby when I didn't even recieve any gifts in the first place?
[QUOTE]Ok, fine. ya'll win. And I really do appreciate yall's ideas. I think I like at842205's the best. Thanks again.
Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]
<div>The ability to gracefully admit you were wrong is an admirable trait. Kudos to you.</div>
My planning site
Jand and John Doe
invite you to share in their joy as they
publicly declare their marriage commitment
date
place
etc.
Not necessarily that exact wording, but you could play around with it.
[QUOTE]wrdgirl, this is the second post I've seen from you today that advises someone to ignore etiquette. Please remember that when people ask questions, they expect answers that are considered appropriate etiquette, not just validation, and not your personal opinion. OP, have a look at that vow renewal site I posted for you earlier. It really has some great advice for your celebration. Have a lovely day. OK, I'm very curious. <strong> If having your dream wedding was so important to you, then why did you get married informally on Christmas Day? I don't understand.</strong>
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
I am curious about this also. We're not trying to be rude to you here, we're just trying to understand where you're coming from. I HAVEN'T been dreaming about my PPD since childhood, but now that I'm engaged, of course I want my wedding to be everything I dreamed it to be. INCLUDING the fact that I want my wedding to be the day I get <strong>married</strong>. If I didn't have the money for the wedding, the last thing I would do is get married anyway just so I could use my tax refund to... get married.
The logic seems nonexistant.
ETA: Do you have that tax refund in hand yet? Because counting your chickens before they hatch is not the best budgeting idea I've seen, either.
[QUOTE]I explained why I got married when I did. I shouldn't have to explain it again. How does being married already make my celebration any less important? I think it's just as important because we'll have our families to celebrate with us just like we did the first time around. We got married because we've been together for 2 years, we have a son together, we live together, and it was just time for us to take the next step.<strong> It would've taken us years to save up the money to pay for our wedding, and we didn't want to wait that long. So we're using our tax money for it.</strong> And for the record, no, we don't have our money back yet, but it's on it's way and should be in by Wednesday. What does that have to do with anything, anyway? Do you not trust the government or something? Because I do. And I know I'm getting plenty back to pay for my celebration.
Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]
So you got legally married on Christmas rather than waiting a few extra months to get married at your "wedding"? Not trying to be rude, just trying to understand. I think that's the hang-up people are having here. It seems like you could have actually been married at your "wedding" if you just would have waited a few more months - obviously you didn't need to wait "years" to save up if you're using your tax refund (which is much better than going into debt, good move on that one).
I like the "celebration of their marriage" better than "vow renewal" since after a couple of months, what is there really to renew? But, I agree with the other posters - calling it a "wedding" is not only technically inaccurate since one gets married at a wedding and you are already married, but comes across as gift-grabby and AWish. You can invite people to celebrate your marriage and have a great time, but they are not witnessing your wedding. Have a kick-a$$ party!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already married....invitation wording? : So you got legally married on Christmas rather than waiting a few extra months to get married at your "wedding"? Not trying to be rude, just trying to understand. I think that's the hang-up people are having here. It seems like you could have actually been married at your "wedding" if you just would have waited a few more months - obviously you didn't need to wait "years" to save up if you're using your tax refund (which is much better than going into debt, good move on that one). <strong>I like the "celebration of their marriage" better than "vow renewal" since after a couple of months, what is there really to renew?</strong> But, I agree with the other posters - calling it a "wedding" is not only technically inaccurate since one gets married at a wedding and you are already married, but comes across as gift-grabby and AWish. You can invite people to celebrate your marriage and have a great time, but they are not witnessing your wedding. Have a kick-a$$ party!
Posted by annie912[/QUOTE]
Right, but they are going to renew their vows. Call it what it is - it's a vow renewal.
[QUOTE]I explained why I got married when I did. I shouldn't have to explain it again. How does being married already make my celebration any less important? I think it's just as important because we'll have our families to celebrate with us just like we did the first time around. We got married because we've been together for 2 years, we have a son together, we live together, and it was just time for us to take the next step. It would've taken us years to save up the money to pay for our wedding, and we didn't want to wait that long. So we're using our tax money for it. And for the record, no, we don't have our money back yet, but it's on it's way and should be in by Wednesday. What does that have to do with anything, anyway? <strong>Do you not trust the government or something?</strong> Because I do. And I know I'm getting plenty back to pay for my celebration.
Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No. No I don't. I'm studying tax law, and I still don't. I hope you get enough to fulfill your contracts with vendors, OP. It's good you don't want to go into debt for your celebration, though I would have waited to see what the precise amount was before planning.</div><div>
</div><div>Now to answer your question: etiquette dictates that you need to word your invites as a vow renewal. Traditionally vow renewals don't have all the wedding-y things that you've described. If you're getting your marriage affirmed or convalidated by a church, I would mention THAT in your invitations so that guests understand that while you may be married in the eyes of the law you are not married in the eyes of your church, and that's what the celebration is for. As a guest I'd be more receptive to this as invitation wording, and then I might expect some of the more wedding-y things like vows, rings, blessings, an aisle to walk down, music, etc. That said, guests may find it tacky (and to be honest, I would) if you seem to ignore the fact that you ARE married in the eyes of the law, and that was your true wedding date. It's a tricky path to tread. </div><div>
</div><div>I second PP's advice to read up on vow renewal etiquette and convalidation etiquette (if applicable to your situation) to avoid either offending your guests or generating massive side-eyes coming your direction. And to head off something that people say a lot: I know you think that your friends and family don't care, would never talk about you behind your back, etc. Sorry, but unless your friends and families are saints that's probably just not true. You don't have to care about what they think, but they WILL have thoughts, and those thoughts will probably be expressed to somebody verbally. Just bear that in mind going forward.
</div>
[QUOTE]I'd work around it. I wouldn't call it a wedding or a vow renewal. How about something like this as a starting point? Jand and John Doe invite you to share in their joy as they publicly declare their marriage commitment date place etc. Not necessarily that exact wording, but you could play around with it.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
Good one! You could insert the word party somewhere while yoiu're playing around with it. People love parties. ;)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already married....invitation wording? : Right, but they are going to renew their vows. Call it what it is - it's a vow renewal.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The point I was trying to make, which may not have come across clear, and was similiar to what a PP had said was why even do the "vow" part now? Just have the party you wanted to. I guess I'd just think it's weird to see them "renew" something they just did. Have a party, great. But the whole vow thing just seems odd to me at this point since it will be, what, six months since the wedding? </div><div>
</div><div>But, if you're going to do it and actually say vows again, then yeah, it's a vow renewal and you need to call it that - not a wedding.
</div>
I got married on June 18, 2011, in a small ceremony with only his parents and sister present. Like you, we did this for financial reasons - we wanted to move in together to save money for the wedding, but didn't want to live together before we were married. I am having my wedding on May 27, 2012. My invitations read:
Because you have shared in our lives with your friendship and love, we
Bride
and
Groom
Invite you to join us as we exchange marriage vows.
Date
Place
Time
Please do whatever feels right to you. Fortunately, you probably aren't inviting any of the people on this board to your wedding, so you really don't need to be too worried about what they think about your ettiquette. Sheesh.