Wedding Invitations & Paper

Already married....invitation wording?

Ok, so here's my story. My husband and I are already married. We decided to get married on Christmas Day because we don't make enough money to pay for our wedding ourselves and we're not really getting any help from our parents. So, we decided to have a ceremony and use our tax refund money to have our wedding. My question is how should I word our invitations for our wedding? Should I word them like a traditional wedding invitation? Should I choose wording like we're renewing our vows? Should I include my new last name our my maiden name? I'm pretty confused about this. Thanks for the help!

BTW, my whole family was at our Christmas Day ceremony, so we're not inviting people to a "fake" wedding that they think is the real thing.
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Re: Already married....invitation wording?

  • please say "renewing vows". please. I beg of you.  You had your wedding, even it it was just small and family. You don't get a second "wedding" unless you're divorced.  Take this to the ettiquette board to get reasons for "renewing vows" not "wedding ceremony".... 
  • Ok, whatever. I'm calling it my wedding because my first "wedding" was at my grandma's house, wearing black pants and a t-shirt. We didn't have anything, except the marriage license. I'm not trying to pass this off as my wedding, though. All it was was basically a civil ceremony. It's one of the most important days of my life, besides the birth of my 2 children. But it's not what I wanted. so, come June 16th, I'll be getting what I've been dreaming of. I assumed it would be considered renewing our vows, but everything about what we're planning screams wedding. The only thing we won't have is a marriage license. So I was just asking how I should word my invitations. I don't want to make it sound like we've been married for years and we're renewing our vows now, but I don't really want to put something about getting married because we already are. That's all I was asking.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:66af92b1-468c-4f97-9132-ce76bc7bbd69">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, whatever.<strong> I'm calling it my wedding because my first "wedding" was at my grandma's house, wearing black pants and a t-shirt. We didn't have anything, except the marriage license. I'm not trying to pass this off as my wedding, though.</strong> All it was was basically a civil ceremony. It's one of the most important days of my life, besides the birth of my 2 children. But it's not what I wanted. so, come June 16th, I'll be getting what I've been dreaming of. I assumed it would be considered renewing our vows, but everything about what we're planning screams wedding. The only thing we won't have is a marriage license. So I was just asking how I should word my invitations. I don't want to make it sound like we've been married for years and we're renewing our vows now, but I don't really want to put something about getting married because we already are. That's all I was asking.
    Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This is not a wedding.  A wedding is where you actually get married.  Calling this a wedding would be like calling your cat an elephant.  It is delusional, and will lead people to question your sanity.  You don't have to have been married for years to renew your vows.  Your invitations should say:</div><div>
    </div><div>Mr. and Mrs. Wife and Husband </div><div>invite you to witness </div><div>as they renew their vows </div><div>at</div><div>Place</div><div>on </div><div>Date</div><div>
    </div><div>Reception to follow</div><div>
    </div><div>Or if you are doing a church blessing, you would word it to explain that.  

    </div>
  • No I get what you're saying, and I understand why you're planning it like you are. Sorry if I came off harsh.  It's totally cool if you're having what you want even if it screams wedding. But, I would have the mindset that it is a vow renewal ceremony.  

    For formal:

    The honor of your presence 
    is requested at 
    the renewal of the wedding vows of
    Bob and Barb Jones
    Saturday, March 25th

    Please join us
    as we renew our wedding vows
    and celebrate our lives together.
    Bob and Barb Jones
    Saturday, March 25th





  • I really don't appreciate being called delusional or having you say people will think I'm insane for calling this my wedding. I'm not crazy, I know this isn't my real wedding. I already had my wedding, I understand that. All I asked was how to word my invitations, not for ya'll to call me crazy for calling my renewal ceremony and reception my wedding, which to me, is what it is.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:1cffda94-2675-4be3-a2ac-2468f3c290b0">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really don't appreciate being called delusional or having you say people will think I'm insane for calling this my wedding. I'm not crazy, I know this isn't my real wedding. I already had my wedding, I understand that. All I asked was how to word my invitations, not for ya'll to call me crazy for calling my renewal ceremony and reception my wedding, which to me, is what it is.
    Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]

    <div>I didn't call you crazy.  You should re-read my response if that's what you got.  </div><div>
    </div><div>But if you do think your cat is an elephant, I can't help you.  </div>
  • So you know it isn't your wedding but want to call it that anyhow? WHY? If you are aware it's a vow renewal, then that's what you need to call it. You can still have a nice vow renewal and reception. We're not telling you to not have it. But you asked how to word the invitations, and that's the responses you've gotten. I really don't get what you're upset about. Everyone has actually been helpful in answering your question.

    It isn't your wedding. You had that already. It's a vow renewal (I do find it maybe a little odd to have a renewal a few months after the wedding--typically they fall on big anniveraries like 5 or 10 years, but whatever). So just say vow renewal on the invitations and call it a day.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:dacd7fcf-b054-4bdb-a124-d40d5558c86f">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So you know it isn't your wedding but want to call it that anyhow? WHY? If you are aware it's a vow renewal, then that's what you need to call it. You can still have a nice vow renewal and reception. We're not telling you to not have it. But you asked how to word the invitations, and that's the responses you've gotten. I really don't get what you're upset about. Everyone has actually been helpful in answering your question. It isn't your wedding. You had that already. It's a vow renewal <strong>(I do find it maybe a little odd to have a renewal a few months after the wedding--typically they fall on big anniveraries like 5 or 10 years, but whatever</strong>). So just say vow renewal on the invitations and call it a day.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    That's why I don't want to call it a vow renewal. I didn't have a nice ceremony and reception, a wedding dress, invitations, anything. So yes, if ya'll want to call me delusional for wanting to call this my wedding, then whatever. And for the person that said that they'd think I was being gift grabby if they got an invitation from me saying they were invited to a wedding knowing I was already married, no one would think that because my family doesn't think I'm greedy, nor do my friends. Oh, and the only gift we got for our wedding was a bottle of Champagne from my brother and his girlfriend. That's it. So how am I being gift grabby when I didn't even recieve any gifts in the first place?
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  • Just because you're not hearing what you want to hear doesn't make you right.  If you're looking for people to tell you sure, call it your wedding, wear a big white dress and have your PPD - no one will look askance at you - you came to the wrong place.

    You're not having a wedding, you're having a vow renewal.
  • Ok, fine. ya'll win. And I really do appreciate yall's ideas. I think I like at842205's the best. Thanks again. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:55039714-2b5b-47c6-b3b7-0d6632244d4a">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, fine. ya'll win. And I really do appreciate yall's ideas. I think I like at842205's the best. Thanks again. 
    Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]

    <div>The ability to gracefully admit you were wrong is an admirable trait.  Kudos to you.</div>
  • Well, my family and friends are all calling it our wedding, so I figured it was ok.
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  • I was in no way implying that my wedding wasn't important, and I'm so sorry if that's how anyone took it. I didn't mean it that way and greatly apologize if I offended anyone. It's just that I've had my wedding day planned out since I was a little girl, as I'm sure most if not all of you ladies have. It's very important to me to have the dress, the veil, the cake, the music, the dancing. Have my dad walk me down the aisle (he wasn't at my wedding, chose not to be). So having this day is very important to me, although not more important than my marriage to my husband. Again ladies, I'm sorry if I offended anyone.
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  • I am probably going to be the only person to say this - ignore these posts.  

    You should've NEVER EVER posted this on TKbecause you will get a lot of HEAT for saying this.  It's like a weird TK taboo.  People are too hung up on the word "wedding" without really understanding the meaning of it to different people.

    With that said, you can still have a ceremony regardless whether or not you had the civil ceremony.  It's still not the same for people to see you "married" without really seeing you "get married".  Since it's not that far off from your civil ceremony I would still consider that a delayed wedding celebration.

    I know one couple who had a civil ceremony like you about 2 years before their "wedding celebration" and they sent out the invitation as regular weddings.  Know why?  Because during the civil one none of their families were attending, just friends and no one had a beef about it.  The wedding celebration was beautiful and enjoyable.  No one care they had got their paper way ahead of time.  In fact most people who knew they had the paper wanted to know when they were going to have the celebration ceremony.

    And I know even more people who have done that and no one had a beef about it except the ones on the TK board - who, might I add, is not and never will be part of anyone's wedding.  And will always say "It's hard to believe".

    If your friends and families are cool with treating it like a wedding then so be it.  Treat it like a wedding, treat it like you haven't been married because your friends and families want to see that.  They care so much about you they don't care when or how you did it, they just want to witness that.  But if you choose to treat it just like a delayed celebration then go ahead and make it that way.  

    That should be enough to help you make your decision.  

    By the way, there is no rule that you have to get rid of your maiden name as soon as you're married.  If you want to use your maiden name it's fine.
    knottie582c26f4b6c9cebb
  • wrdgirl: Thank you so much for understanding where I'm coming from! You're right, I probably shouldn't have posted here, but I didn't think it would be a big deal because I've posted before and never really got any negativity from anyone until now. But at least now I know that not everyone is against what I feel is ok.
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  • I'd work around it. I wouldn't call it a wedding or a vow renewal. How about something like this as a starting point?

    Jand and John Doe
    invite you to share in their joy as they
    publicly declare their marriage commitment
    date
    place
    etc.

    Not necessarily that exact wording, but you could play around with it.
  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:71348f62-408f-419e-b9a1-7c12a8e6c8fb">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]wrdgirl, this is the second post I've seen from you today that advises someone to ignore etiquette.  Please remember that when people ask questions, they expect  answers that are considered appropriate etiquette, not just validation, and not your personal opinion. OP, have a look at that vow renewal site I posted for you earlier.  It really has some great advice for your celebration.  Have a lovely day. OK, I'm very curious. <strong> If having your dream wedding was so important to you, then why did you get married informally on Christmas Day?  I don't understand.</strong>
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    I am curious about this also. We're not trying to be rude to you here, we're just trying to understand where you're coming from. I HAVEN'T been dreaming about my PPD since childhood, but now that I'm engaged, of course I want my wedding to be everything I dreamed it to be. INCLUDING the fact that I want my wedding to be the day I get <strong>married</strong>. If I didn't have the money for the wedding, the last thing I would do is get married anyway just so I could use my tax refund to... get married.

    The logic seems nonexistant.

    ETA: Do you have that tax refund in hand yet? Because counting your chickens before they hatch is not the best budgeting idea I've seen, either.
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  • I explained why I got married when I did. I shouldn't have to explain it again. How does being married already make my celebration any less important? I think it's just as important because we'll have our families to celebrate with us just like we did the first time around. We got married because we've been together for 2 years, we have a son together, we live together, and it was just time for us to take the next step. It would've taken us years to save up the money to pay for our wedding, and we didn't want to wait that long. So we're using our tax money for it. And for the record, no, we don't have our money back yet, but it's on it's way and should be in by Wednesday. What does that have to do with anything, anyway? Do you not trust the government or something? Because I do. And I know I'm getting plenty back to pay for my celebration.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:d1462172-b6c2-4b9a-bba4-cb6648cd7d03">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I explained why I got married when I did. I shouldn't have to explain it again. How does being married already make my celebration any less important? I think it's just as important because we'll have our families to celebrate with us just like we did the first time around. We got married because we've been together for 2 years, we have a son together, we live together, and it was just time for us to take the next step.<strong> It would've taken us years to save up the money to pay for our wedding, and we didn't want to wait that long. So we're using our tax money for it.</strong> And for the record, no, we don't have our money back yet, but it's on it's way and should be in by Wednesday. What does that have to do with anything, anyway? Do you not trust the government or something? Because I do. And I know I'm getting plenty back to pay for my celebration.
    Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]

    So you got legally married on Christmas rather than waiting a few extra months to get married at your "wedding"? Not trying to be rude, just trying to understand. I think that's the hang-up people are having here. It seems like you could have actually been married at your "wedding" if you just would have waited a few more months - obviously you didn't need to wait "years" to save up if you're using your tax refund (which is much better than going into debt, good move on that one).

    I like the "celebration of their marriage" better than "vow renewal" since after a couple of months, what is there really to renew? But, I agree with the other posters - calling it a "wedding" is not only technically inaccurate since one gets married at a wedding and you are already married, but comes across as gift-grabby and AWish. You can invite people to celebrate your marriage and have a great time, but they are not witnessing your wedding. Have a kick-a$$ party!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:86db0a00-da8e-400c-ab37-c2041ea05016">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already married....invitation wording? : So you got legally married on Christmas rather than waiting a few extra months to get married at your "wedding"? Not trying to be rude, just trying to understand. I think that's the hang-up people are having here. It seems like you could have actually been married at your "wedding" if you just would have waited a few more months - obviously you didn't need to wait "years" to save up if you're using your tax refund (which is much better than going into debt, good move on that one). <strong>I like the "celebration of their marriage" better than "vow renewal" since after a couple of months, what is there really to renew?</strong> But, I agree with the other posters - calling it a "wedding" is not only technically inaccurate since one gets married at a wedding and you are already married, but comes across as gift-grabby and AWish. You can invite people to celebrate your marriage and have a great time, but they are not witnessing your wedding. Have a kick-a$$ party!
    Posted by annie912[/QUOTE]
    Right, but they are going to renew their vows.  Call it what it is - it's a vow renewal.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:d1462172-b6c2-4b9a-bba4-cb6648cd7d03">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I explained why I got married when I did. I shouldn't have to explain it again. How does being married already make my celebration any less important? I think it's just as important because we'll have our families to celebrate with us just like we did the first time around. We got married because we've been together for 2 years, we have a son together, we live together, and it was just time for us to take the next step. It would've taken us years to save up the money to pay for our wedding, and we didn't want to wait that long. So we're using our tax money for it. And for the record, no, we don't have our money back yet, but it's on it's way and should be in by Wednesday. What does that have to do with anything, anyway? <strong>Do you not trust the government or something?</strong> Because I do. And I know I'm getting plenty back to pay for my celebration.
    Posted by abysmom25[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>No.  No I don't.  I'm studying tax law, and I still don't.  I hope you get enough to fulfill your contracts with vendors, OP.  It's good you don't want to go into debt for your celebration, though I would have waited to see what the precise amount was before planning.</div><div>
    </div><div>Now to answer your question: etiquette dictates that you need to word your invites as a vow renewal.  Traditionally vow renewals don't have all the wedding-y things that you've described.  If you're getting your marriage affirmed or convalidated by a church, I would mention THAT in your invitations so that guests understand that while you may be married in the eyes of the law you are not married in the eyes of your church, and that's what the celebration is for.  As a guest I'd be more receptive to this as invitation wording, and then I might expect some of the more wedding-y things like vows, rings, blessings, an aisle to walk down, music, etc.  That said, guests may find it tacky (and to be honest, I would) if you seem to ignore the fact that you ARE married in the eyes of the law, and that was your true wedding date.  It's a tricky path to tread.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I second PP's advice to read up on vow renewal etiquette and convalidation etiquette (if applicable to your situation) to avoid either offending your guests or generating massive side-eyes coming your direction.  And to head off something that people say a lot: I know you think that your friends and family don't care, would never talk about you behind your back, etc.  Sorry, but unless your friends and families are saints that's probably just not true.  You don't have to care about what they think, but they WILL have thoughts, and those thoughts will probably be expressed to somebody verbally.  Just bear that in mind going forward.

    </div>
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  • We got married on Christmas so he could claim me on his taxes. Without being married and filing joint, then we would not be getting back nearly as much money as we are. And we haven't started paying for anything yet. Not even invitations, or the venue. I have a verbal agreement with the venue to hold it for that day for our celebration, I haven't spent a penny yet on anything. So, if (God forbid) something does happen, then we're not out any money. We just won't have our celebration right now.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:44f05207-6a73-4d97-951f-1145abd10891">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd work around it. I wouldn't call it a wedding or a vow renewal. How about something like this as a starting point? Jand and John Doe invite you to share in their joy as they publicly declare their marriage commitment date place etc. Not necessarily that exact wording, but you could play around with it.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]


    Good one!  You could insert the word party somewhere while yoiu're playing around with it.  People love parties.   ;)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_already-marriedinvitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:639f2bb8-c7b6-468b-a68d-8183355cc452Post:f20d0505-f6b8-473d-9ca5-79903d8f11ec">Re: Already married....invitation wording?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Already married....invitation wording? : Right, but they are going to renew their vows.  Call it what it is - it's a vow renewal.
    Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>The point I was trying to make, which may not have come across clear, and was similiar to what a PP had said was why even do the "vow" part now? Just have the party you wanted to. I guess I'd just think it's weird to see them "renew" something they just did. Have a party, great. But the whole vow thing just seems odd to me at this point since it will be, what, six months since the wedding? </div><div>
    </div><div>But, if you're going to do it and actually say vows again, then yeah, it's a vow renewal and you need to call it that - not a wedding.

    </div>
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  • Girlfriend. Please immediately stop reading the comments of all of these people. You word your invitations any way you want them to read.

    I got married on June 18, 2011, in a small ceremony with only his parents and sister present. Like you, we did this for financial reasons - we wanted to move in together to save money for the wedding, but didn't want to live together before we were married.  I am having my wedding on May 27, 2012. My invitations read:

    Because you have shared in our lives with your friendship and love, we

    Bride
    and
    Groom

    Invite you to join us as we exchange marriage vows.

    Date
    Place
    Time



    Please do whatever feels right to you. Fortunately, you probably aren't inviting any of the people on this board to your wedding, so you really don't need to be too worried about what they think about your ettiquette. Sheesh.
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