Addressing invite to large family

harper0813

We will not have an outer/inner envelope - just one envelope. And I still have several months before addressing invites, but this one thing has been on my mind and I figured I'd ask before I forgot about it.

FI's uncle is divorced and has six sons. Four of these sons no longer live with him  and do not speak to him or anyone else in the immediate and extended family. FMIL says we need to invite them out of courtesy (which FI is really unhappy about, but I advised him to drop it out of respect for his mother), but she said we should send the invite to FI's uncle because no one knows their address and only the uncle has their phone numbers, and these cousins do not like speaking to their dad or family members. So essentially, we will be inviting "Uncle XX and sons". How would you recommend addressing an invite to seven people? 

And this may be a really stupid thought, but: I will be including "__ of _7_ are attending" on the RSVP. If I address it to "The XX Family", I'm nervous that they will invite random people to fill up their 7. Is this even a valid fear? I suppose that, if they're writing unfamiliar names on the RSVP card, FI or FMIL could call the uncle and say that the invitation was intended for him and his sons only.

Jen4948

I think your FMIL is wrong.  If those sons don't have a relationship with their father or anyone else in the family, there is no reason to invite them even if they are going to decline, because up until you get that decline you have to plan for them as though they are coming.

I'd just address that invitation to the uncle and the sons who live with him if they are minors, as in:

Mr. John Smith
Michael and Robert Smith

If the sons are adults, they need their own invitations.

harper0813

I am definitely planning as if they are coming, and I personally agree with you that it's pretty unnecessary to invite them, but FI and I have already talked to her about it and she insists we must. I love my FMIL and they are contributing to the RD and alcohol, so we gave them 1/3 of the guest list. So we have no way to send invites to them unless I send them to the uncle. So, that being said, should I say:

Mr. John Smith

Michael, Jeremy, Robert, Charles, Paul and Joseph Smith

?

[Deleted User]

If they aren't talking to their father, no one has addresses for them how are you suppose to send them invitations? Even if you include them on invite to the uncle, since they aren't talking to their dad, how would he extend the invitation.
 
Is asking the uncle for his son's phone numbers a possibility & then calling them for their addresses a possibility? If not, then send seperate invites addressed to each son to their father's address. This way uncle knows that he can't bring just any 7 people but then it's up to him if he calls son's to let them know about invites and it's off your shoulders. Chances are they won't come, especially if FI and they aren't close, but at least you'll make FMIL happy.

libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-invite-to-large-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:6d90f595-6e25-4737-abfc-f2a71e015b19Post:a845354a-a753-4cb2-84a3-d2b76ceb8607">Re: Addressing invite to large family</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If they aren't talking to their father, no one has addresses for them how are you suppose to send them invitations? Even if you include them on invite to the uncle, since they aren't talking to their dad, how would he extend the invitation.</strong>   Is asking the uncle for his son's phone numbers a possibility & then calling them for their addresses a possibility? If not, then send seperate invites addressed to each son to their father's address. This way uncle knows that he can't bring just any 7 people but then it's up to him if he calls son's to let them know about invites and it's off your shoulders. Chances are they won't come, especially if FI and they aren't close, but at least you'll make FMIL happy.
Posted by Erikan73[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm wondering the same thing. </div>

harper0813

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-invite-to-large-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:6d90f595-6e25-4737-abfc-f2a71e015b19Post:11cbadb9-4171-4fff-bc87-77296389df4c">Re: Addressing invite to large family</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Addressing invite to large family : I'm wondering the same thing. 
Posted by libby2483[/QUOTE]

<div>Ha - so am I! If make invitations specifically for the grown sons, they will just sit at the uncle's house, unopened. Which seems wasteful.</div><div>
</div><div>What to do, what to do?!</div>