Is this tacky?

WGaches · March 2010

My invitations are seal-n-sends (love them, they're just what I wanted)...so everything is pre-printed except the mailing address. I cannot afford to hire a calligrapher, and I don't trust myself to hand-address them, so would is it tacky to use a matching font and print clear address labels for the invites?

squirrly · March 2010

It's certainly not the best choice. Is your FI's handwriting nice? your mom? MOH?

psichick · March 2010

if you're not going to hand write, i would suggest printing directly on the envelope with a laser printer. it looks much cleaner than a sticker and if you go over it with a felt tip pen it can kind of be passed off for calligraphy lol

Theresa626 · March 2010

You could print directly on the envelope or you could order some fancy wrap around labels and have them pre printed with all of your guests names and your return address.

Here is an example of one: http://www.invitationsbydesign.cceasy.com/ProductDesign.cfm?prev=1&TempPrev=0&blnPreviewRequestSubmitted=0&recordsperpage=0&CompletedOrder=0&sBasketID=0&alogo=1&menu=none&morethanonepage=YES&HostDomain=www.invitationsbydesign.cceasy.com%2F&FirstTimeThrough=1&format=PP37295&bShoppingOn=1&strItemCode=PP37295&vid=7902E823B2

sorry, didn't realize it was such a long link...

Jessie888 · March 2010

I really like the idea of handwriting the envelopes. I did it with my save the dates and everyone said how nice they looked. People really do appreciate those little details.

As psichick recommended: create them using your printer!

cristy818 · March 2010

It doesn't sound like the best idea but I have seen them and I believe they look fine. It depends if you are giving a super elegant look to your wedding or not. I am having a big wedding and wanted to save on " little" things that end up adding so much.

I am doing all my stationery, and I will print the envelopes but is not an easy task, it depends of the kind of paper you are using, if you go with this, use a laser printer so it doesn't leak all over.

At the end, if you are in a budget you don't want to waste a lot of money in something that 90% of the guests will toss in the garbage.

cristy818 · March 2010

Also, the envelope wrap is a nice idea, but kind of wasteful, you still have to print or write on it. So you are paying for something that didn't fix anything.

If you want the calligrapher look, go to craigslist, you will find someone to do it.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I am so glad you brought this up. I actually was going to post this myself. FI and I had a little debate about this, even though we ended up buying address labels last night for our invitations. I wanted to hand write all of them (I have nice writing) but he says I am going to be there all day (about 200 to do) and it is just going to go in the trash anyway. The labels we got are really nice and they say for best use do laser printing, so I may take them to work and do them.

abbycobb812 · March 2010

This is exactly what my sister-in-law did for her and my brother's wedding. To be honest it looked nice and I never thought anything of it until I started wedding planning and reading that you not "supposed" to do that. I think that especially if the calligrapher isn't in your budget, don't worry about it. Most people won't notice/care.

A note about the seal-n-sends though, I think they're a clever idea, but my sister-in-laws' got a little beat up in the mail and the invitations were somewhat dirty by the time people got them. It wasn't a huge problem, and I suppose it could happen with regular invitations too. I realize it sort of defeats the simplicity of the seal-n-send, but an outer envelope might help protect it from the mailing process. Just a thought.

WGaches · March 2010

Thanks for the feedback! We want the wedding to be very laid-back (tableside ceremony, afternoon, etc.), and I want the invitations to reflect that. Printing directly onto the invites is impossible because of the funky shape (I tried, the printer ate it). I'm also not going to do an outer envelope. I feel that would defeat my purpose of the seal-n-send, as well as the laid-backness I'm trying to achieve. I'll post on craigslist (good idea!) and see what I come up with. I'm a master's student, and had beautiful handwriting before I got into the rut of note-taking....oh well. I will probably end up using labels, and if someone doesn't come to my wedding for that reason alone, then I just can't help it.

WGaches · March 2010

Missy, where and what kind of labels did you buy?

Theresa626 · March 2010

cristy, the wrap around label link I sent her is for labels that they preprint for you. YOu give them an excel file of all of your guests addresses and your return address and they pre print everything so all you do is stick on the label.

smcclain9986 · March 2010

Not "tacky" at all to me. I know you aren't "supposed" to per the rule makers of weddings, but I personally can't say I've never noticed a label vs a handwritten envelope. Not to say others wont though. It's your wedding. If they are offended by labels oh well. Do what works for you. They can always chose to come or not come.

kwolla77 · March 2010

this is 100 percent ridiculous... now i must add that we are doing the calligraphy because i was suckered into it by the invitation lady.. but the whole time i was thinking about how unnecessary it is...

i was also going to do the clear labels on the envelope and the invitation lady looked at me like i had 5 heads... then she said it was a free bonus since we reached a certain price point, so thats why we are doing it...

but honestly i've found that in planning the wedding everyone always tells you "its your wedding do whatever you want", but they really dont mean that because there are all these rules that must be followed... like the calligraphy... or why do i HAVE to invite this distant cousin that i don't talk to and have never met just because i'm inviting his brother who i do know, like, and have spent time with

seriously no one will remember the envelope or even care for that manner.. and if it werent free i would have just printed on clear labels and been done with it

then the invitation lady second guesses how i wrote out my guest list... yes i know i didnt put mr and mrs so and so because i wanted to put john and joan smith... although we are having a formal type wedding, i dont want it to be this uptight affair where everything has to be proper.. i just want it to be about family and friends having a good time

i know im rambling, but sometimes i just need to vent because im finding that everyone has an opinion of what you can and cant do.. and i say do whatever you want.. it a day to celebrate two people not worry about how the invitations are being sent...

imeltice · March 2010

I did labels...no one has mentioned a thing to me about it. I just didn't see spending the time, and/or money having them written out when the person is just going to throw them away anyway. I also, figured the Post office would like me better if the address information was very clearly printed...might save you the headache of getting invites back because someone couldn't read the address.

julieebeth · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:72a96f7e-d65d-46d6-9684-454899121a18Post:79f8aacc-0e98-4da3-b658-25989624f3d3">Re: Is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]this is 100 percent ridiculous... now i must add that we are doing the calligraphy because i was suckered into it by the invitation lady.. but the whole time i was thinking about how unnecessary it is... i was also going to do the clear labels on the envelope and the invitation lady looked at me like i had 5 heads... then she said it was a free bonus since we reached a certain price point, so thats why we are doing it... but honestly i've found that in planning the wedding everyone always tells you "its your wedding do whatever you want", but they really dont mean that because there are all these rules that must be followed... like the calligraphy... or why do i HAVE to invite this distant cousin that i don't talk to and have never met just because i'm inviting his brother who i do know, like, and have spent time with seriously no one will remember the envelope or even care for that manner.. and if it werent free i would have just printed on clear labels and been done with it then the invitation lady second guesses how i wrote out my guest list... yes i know i didnt put mr and mrs so and so because i wanted to put john and joan smith... although we are having a formal type wedding, i dont want it to be this uptight affair where everything has to be proper.. i just want it to be about family and friends having a good time i know im rambling, but sometimes i just need to vent because im finding that everyone has an opinion of what you can and cant do.. and i say do whatever you want.. it a day to celebrate two people not worry about how the invitations are being sent...
Posted by kwolla77[/QUOTE]
I'm so glad that somebody else feels this way!! Especially when you're on a tight budget, following those timeless "wedding rules" can be nearly impossible! For our save-the-dates I wrote every address on every envelope in a silver pen and they looked nice but it was wicked time consuming. For our invitations, we printed our addresses on labels, printed return address labels, and also stuck a return address label to the response card envelope as way of addressing it for the guests. No complaints so far! In fact, everyone has complimented us on how beautiful the invitations are--and we just bought them from Target! I really think that more than likely the people will just be glad to be invited and won't care if the address is written fancy or if it's printed. :)

WGaches · March 2010

whew, I didn't mean to open a can of worms but I'm so glad that people share my opinion. And banana, I'm happy you had the time to do yours yourself, but I don't have the time or the penmanship. And abby is right - the wedding is about our marriage, not the event. Our love for each other is not going to be diminished by a clear address label. And furthermore, if someone wants to wag their tongue because *gasp* it wasn't hand-addressed, then that person isn't focusing on the important part of the union anyway.

banana468 · March 2010

[QUOTE]Lol...your wedding is ONE day of your life, and I can guarantee that address labels will have no effect on the end result...the end result being the marriage, not the wedding day. [/QUOTE]

You're confusing two things. You're inviting guests to an event. How you treat them at this large event that you're hosting begins with how you're inviting them TO the event. In the end, it isn't worth freaking out over a shade of peach or obsessing over the small details because after the reception, you'll be married and that's the important part.

BUT, the event you're hosting is one of the largest events that you WILL host. Yes, you need to focus on the big picture. But you also need to focus on doing things correctly and appropriately. Saying that you're focusing on the marriage instead of your guests is not acceptable and it's a way that you're justifying rude behavior. Your guests NEED to be the focus of the reception. It's the event that's FOR them.

Also,

[QUOTE]We have this fantastic technology that allows us to print out text that is perfect every time, we use it in everything other aspect of our lives, so why are we still stuck handwriting wedding invitations?? [/QUOTE]

Because computerized printing is just not personal. It's why a type-written thank-you note is considered to be in poor taste. HAND addressed invitations show that you took the time.

In the grand scheme of things no, it's not a BIG deal. Your wedding however IS a big deal. And yes, in the end, you'll be married but if you want to involve others, involve them by doing things appropriately from your end at the start.

And don't use the "money" excuse. You can hand write things yourself for free.

squirrly · March 2010

My thoughts, ladies:

1 - If you are compelled to ask if something is tacky or rude, more often than not - it is.
2 - if you're on the Invitations board, you should expect advice on what is proper for Invitations.
3 - Etiquette isn't about "rules." It's just a set of recommendations designed to make everyone - guest, host, bride, groom, etc. - feel as comfortable with your event as possible.

Hand addressed envelopes take time - and it makes guests feel that THEY were wanted, not just their gifts.

Formal invitation wording ensures that guests know when, where, what the formality of the wedding is, etc. It helps them know what attire is appropriate, whether to eat before coming or not, etc.

Using proper titles when addressing invitations shows respect for both the title and the person. So many brides want to be very "women's lib", for lack of a better term, and use Jane and John Smith rather than Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. A married woman who has chosen to take her husband's last name has accepted being addressed as Mrs. John Smith, and shouldn't be offended by it. Frankly, my grandmother would be offended if I didn't address her envelope as my late grandfather's wife.

Certainly, there are many, many elements of a wedding that you can and should plan and execute so that they reflect YOU. But if you chose to violate an etiquette "rule", please ensure you know the reason for the rule in the first place, and are prepared for any "consequences" that may come from your actions.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not suggesting that anyone be condemned to wedding etiquette hell. I'm just trying to highlight the bigger picture, and the risks associated with some of these choices. Following the "rule" is always the safest choice.

kwolla77 · March 2010

"Your guests NEED to be the focus of the reception. It's the event that's FOR them."

wow... seriously? the guests are in no way supposed to be the focus of the reception... the focus of the wedding and reception is about family and friends getting together to celebrate the start of a new family ... and minor insignificant things like how you write, type, or glue the invitation labels on an envelope that will be thrown away 2 seconds after being opened should not be even remotely considered an important factor in the wedding...

secondly.. the guests you invite to your wedding, at least in my case, are people who want to be there and are happy for this exciting time and if their main focus is how you address their invitation, then there is something seriously wrong with their intentions...

i am so annoyed with all of these rules that it makes the wedding experience a lot more stressful than it should be...

i am lucky that most of our wedding expenses are being shared by our two familes, and if i really wanted to, i could find the time to hand write them, although my handwriting is comparible to a 3rd grader, but even so if it hadnt been for the lady throwing in the calligraphy for free, i would have no problem picking a nice font off of microsoft word and sticking the clear labels on the envelopes...

kwolla77 · March 2010

also, out of curiousity... do any of you remember how the invitation for the last wedding you were invited to was labeled? i cant

squirrly · March 2010

kwolla - the reception is your thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony and supporting your relationship.

And - I do remember how the invitations to the last four weddings I was invited to were written and addressed.

janedoe1113a · March 2010

I remember how the invitations for the last wedding I was invited to were address. I also remember it had a label and I felt like it was really impersonal.

When I see something with a printed address, I feel like it's just another bill or junk mail from a company. Seeing a label on an invitation makes me feel like the bride and groom didn't take the time to care enough about me to write my address.

Hand addressing invitations does not take that long. I did the whole printing and then writing over it thing (to make them look nicer) and it took maybe 3 or 4 hours total. I got a lot of compliments on them. Guests do notice the little things and it makes them feel appreciated.

You can address them while watching TV. If you do it throughout the week in like 15 or 30 minute incriments, it won't take you any time at all.

Future Mrs. Lindstrom · March 2010

I used seal-n-sends too! I printed clear mate labels and they were fine.

AmyL62010 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:72a96f7e-d65d-46d6-9684-454899121a18Post:5b2927ba-2d73-4619-9a95-761de8f0197d">Re: Is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]also, out of curiousity... do any of you remember how the invitation for the last wedding you were invited to was labeled? i cant
Posted by kwolla77[/QUOTE]

Actually, I do. It was a fold and seal invitation with a "clear" printed label. It looked awful. Due to the finish on the paper, you could clearly see the edges of the label. It was very cold and impersonal, enhanced by the use of a sans serif font like Ariel. I was kind of embarrassed for the couple. This is how people will feel when they get your invitation - embarrassed for you because you don't understand the rules. They will wonder what other sort of boorishness, absurdities, and ungraciousness they will have to tolerate if they attend your event. Incidentally, the rule of handwriting doesn’t just apply to wedding invitations. In is inappropriate to type the address on any personal correspondence. And make sure the return address is in the correct place as well – on the flap of the outer envelope.

banana468 · March 2010

I definitely remember how the invitations were addressed.

And I can tell you that after we sent our invitations that were addressed by me by hand with a calligraphy pen, people noticed. They commented about how impressed they were.

And yes. The reception IS the TY to your guests.

abbycobb812 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:72a96f7e-d65d-46d6-9684-454899121a18Post:5b2927ba-2d73-4619-9a95-761de8f0197d">Re: Is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]also, out of curiousity... do any of you remember how the invitation for the last wedding you were invited to was labeled? i cant
Posted by kwolla77[/QUOTE]

Probably the wrong crowd to ask this question to...Once people start wedding planning they are far more likely to notice this sort of thing. I noticed it on the last invitation I got only because I dug it out to see an example. I've been to a few weddings in recent years pre-engagement and can't even remember the invitations, let alone how it was addressed. Then again, I'm not the type of person to get offended by an address label.

And to the original poster, you know your guests better than any of us, and probably have a much better idea of whether or not they'd care. Just do whatever works for you.

siorsolas · March 2010

I sure as heck don't remember how the last few wedding invitations I got were addressed.

And I agree that the reception is for the guests, which is why I will be providing yummy food and drinks, a live band, and a beautiful setting. But I certainly make a point of not befriending anyone who would be offended by something as trivial as an envelope...

All you ladies are right, some "rules" are just plain overrated. Unless your circle is particularly snooty, I think we should all just trust ourselves a little more and do what we're comfortable with!

abbycobb812 · March 2010

"boorishness, absurdities, and ungraciousness"

Lol seriously? An address label?? You people crack me up.

I think I might use address labels on my invites now just to weed out people like this.

siorsolas · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:72a96f7e-d65d-46d6-9684-454899121a18Post:bab1283d-c397-44b8-87ad-5a352dc45f88">Re: Is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE] It was very cold and impersonal, enhanced by the use of a sans serif font like Ariel. I was kind of embarrassed for the couple. This is how people will feel when they get your invitation - embarrassed for you because you don't understand the rules. They will wonder what other sort of boorishness, absurdities, and ungraciousness they will have to tolerate if they attend your event.[/QUOTE]

I hope my guests will be able to tolerate my boorishness. I am quite the Neanderthal, really. Let us oafs all share a hearty guffaw over this conversation!

tommyandy · March 2010

What if you did printed labels to make it easier on the USPS & hand wrote their names inside the invite, maybe with a little note or something? 'Hope to see you there' or 'Can't wait to see you' or 'Make sure we get a picture together', etc.

Is this tacky?

Re: Is this tacky?

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