Addressing Unmarried Couples

TheSlowskys

So I did a search and can't find a clear answer.  How do I address invites in these situations:

Unmarried couple living together (know the woman): Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown
Unmarried couple living together (know the man): Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown
Unmarried couple NOT living together (know the woman): Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown (and send invite to woman's address).
Unmarried couple NOT living together (know the man): Mr. Bob Brown and Ms. Jane Jones (send invite to man's address).

Is that right?  Or is it the woman's name first no matter whose address it is sent to and no matter who is the person who is really being invited.  Just seems odd to send an invite to Bob Brown, at his address, with Jane Jones's name listed first (and in some cases we don't know/never met the Jane Jones).

Thanks

Edit: I did see one rule that if not living together they should each receive their own invite. I intend to break that rule, breach of etiquette or not.

Also, I am not using inner envelopes.

KplusE2012

So, with the unmarried couples that we're inviting...we just listed the woman first, then the man. We know both people, so I didn't really think about who we knew better, you know? With those that didn't live in the same house, I sent 1 invitation - to the woman, usually. There was one circumstance where I sent 2 invitations to a couple not living together, and that's because they're both in the wedding, so I wanted them to each have all the information they needed with them. I wouldn't worry about sending separate invites to those not living together - like I said, I didn't for all except the one I described.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

TheSlowskys

Hmmm... I Just saw elsewhere that "and" means married and you are supposed to list them on separate lines. That's kind of a headache since we are having our addresses printed by the invite company and when I input the addresses there is only one line for the people who are going (yes, I know hand written is the "proper" way but I have enough stuff to do and it is actually a very nice stylized printing job).

aragx6

^That's bizarre. How do you write the children then?

Crane's says:

Ms. Emily Bronte
Mr. Charles Dickens

Even if they don't live together this wording is fine -- just put the person's name up top that you're sending it to.

TheSlowskys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-unmarried-couples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:86a5e900-06e3-40e9-a715-00b1cb733497Post:3b7143a3-5afa-4012-997e-f6b26d3cd527">Re: Addressing Unmarried Couples</a>:
[QUOTE]^That's bizarre. How do you write the children then? Crane's says: Ms. Emily Bronte Mr. Charles Dickens Even if they don't live together this wording is fine -- just put the person's name up top that you're sending it to.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

We aren't having children, so hadn't even considered that.

Thanks for pointing out Crane's site has a section for this.

I will have to talk to my invite company and see if they can just give me plain envelopes for the unmarried couples and I can write those out (and hopefully they won't look like chicken scratch).

casyme

Whoa, if putting an "and" between two people's names means they are married, then I am a fool spending oll this money on an actual wedding! 

Do not listen to silly etiquette rules like that one, or the one that says the woman's name always goes first -- they are paper rules for etiquette queens living in the '50s, not real-world advice.  This would be entirely proper for an unmarried couple in 2012:

Mr. James Smith and Ms. Jane Martin
Street
City, State, ZIP

Hourd43

I totally agree with casyme, you can put it all on the same line.
I usually put the gentlemans name first though when addressing anything. (ie christmas cards etc) even if I know the woman better than the man, but honestly it's up to you how you do it. No one is going to care how the envelope was addressed they will just be excited about being invited to your special day! And if they do care too bad for them!

banana468

People DO care how an envelope is addressed.  You can opt to ignore the etiquette rules but they're not silly or for old people.

I'll agree that it seems odd that joining with 'and' is the sign that two people are married but putting a lady first has not gone out of style.

Lisa50

Unmarried couple living together (know the woman): Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown no, I'd put Ms. Jane Jones on line 1 Mr. Bob Brown on line 2

Unmarried couple living together (know the man): Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown same as above

Unmarried couple NOT living together (know the woman): Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown (and send invite to woman's address). same as above

Unmarried couple NOT living together (know the man): Mr. Bob Brown and Ms. Jane Jones (send invite to man's address). same as above

It's my understanding "and" is used when the couple is married.  A married couple's names are put on one line.  An unmarried couple's names do not include "and" nor are the two names listed on one line. 

Honestly, at the end of the day, I don't think many care, as long as the names are spelled correctly.

annamhisle

I'm putting "and" between the names of a couple that lives together but isn't married - NO BIGGIE! Some of these rules can be silly. I know some people care how it's addressed, but luckily none of my family/friends do!

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-unmarried-couples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:86a5e900-06e3-40e9-a715-00b1cb733497Post:36b68540-f736-4a0e-8686-56607728abdf">Re: Addressing Unmarried Couples</a>:
[QUOTE]Unmarried couple living together (know the woman): Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown no, I'd put Ms. Jane Jones on line 1 Mr. Bob Brown on line 2 Unmarried couple living together (know the man): Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown same as above Unmarried couple NOT living together (know the woman): Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. Bob Brown (and send invite to woman's address). same as above Unmarried couple NOT living together (know the man): Mr. Bob Brown and Ms. Jane Jones (send invite to man's address). same as above It's my understanding "and" is used when the couple is married.  A married couple's names are put on one line.  An unmarried couple's names do not include "and" nor are the two names listed on one line.  Honestly, at the end of the day, I don't think many care, as long as the names are spelled correctly.
Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

Quick question/threadjack. Is it absolutely necessary to list both people on the envelope if they're not married and not living together? We're doing inner envelopes, so I was definitely planning on putting both names on the inner envelope. I think I'm inviting two or three couples that don't live together and aren't married. I was thinking I'd just send the invitation to the person in the couple that we know and then put SO's name on the inner envelope. Is that totally wrong?

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-unmarried-couples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:86a5e900-06e3-40e9-a715-00b1cb733497Post:05f0c982-e571-4836-b2f0-9971559d6342">Re: Addressing Unmarried Couples</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Addressing Unmarried Couples : Quick question/threadjack. Is it absolutely necessary to list both people on the envelope if they're not married and not living together? We're doing inner envelopes, so I was definitely planning on putting both names on the inner envelope. I think I'm inviting two or three couples that don't live together and aren't married. I was thinking I'd just send the invitation to the person in the couple that we know and then put SO's name on the inner envelope. Is that totally wrong?
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

That's exactly what you should do if you're having inner envelopes.

As far as the "and" thing? Emily Post uses it, so it's hard to argue it's straight wrong to do so. However, I prefer Crane's standards and so for consistency's sake I followed their guidelines for everything.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-unmarried-couples?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:86a5e900-06e3-40e9-a715-00b1cb733497Post:653b5ab5-fb14-41d2-ab7d-1dd2a2526a06">Re: Addressing Unmarried Couples</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Addressing Unmarried Couples : That's exactly what you should do if you're having inner envelopes. As far as the "and" thing? Emily Post uses it, so it's hard to argue it's straight wrong to do so. However, I prefer Crane's standards and so for consistency's sake I followed their guidelines for everything.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Thank you!

sis180

Along these same lines, is it rude to just put "Mr. Smith and Guest", even if you know the significant other, but are not friends with them?

My fiance and I received an invite like this, addressed to him with "& guest", even though I knew the bride. We were thinking about doing this for the non-married couples when we are not friends with the significant other...