How to address an invitation to a widow

durga826

I've known her most of my life.  I've never called her anything but "Mrs. Jones." She was recently widowed and I don't know how to properly address her wedding invitation.
Is it
Mrs. John Jones?
Mrs. Mary Jones?
Ms. Mary Jones?

Help, please! 

[Deleted User]

Ms. Mary Jones.. Ms. is appropriate for someone who is not married or widowed.

squirrly

Call and ask what she prefers.  My grandmother is Mrs. Grandad Last.  You should really honor what she wants.

mandybear7

Agree with squirrly, especially since she is recently widowed.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I was going to do Mrs. John Jones, and then I was told that all 3 of the widows we're inviting prefer Mrs. Mary Jones. Not sure I believe it, but my mother told me to address her greeat aunt that way, so fine.

tenofcups4me

Does anyone in your family know her better to have a sense of her preferences (your mom for example)? If not, I'd personally go with Mrs. Mary Jones.

I know many women who even if they can accept being called Mr. and Mrs. John Jones, HATE being called just plain Mrs. John Jones. I also have a moral problem with calling someone Mrs. John Jones, but besides that, it just seems really creepy to me to address someone by the name of their dead husband unless you have really good reason to believe that's what they'd want.

tracy_k

What tenofcups said, times eleventy billion.

Kristin789

If this woman is over 40, she's going to know this standard etiquette:

DIVORCED WOMAN substitutes husband's first name for her own:
Mrs. Mary Jones

WIDOWED WOMAN is still:
Mrs. John Jones

SINGLE WOMAN OVER 18 is:
Ms. Mary Jones

Now, if you personally don't like that she is still Mrs. John Jones and you didn't like her being Mrs. John Jones when her husband was alive...  well, that's your issue.  And since you are deciding how to address the envelopes, you could go with just:
Mary Jones

Period.

squirrly

Kristin, really. 

My advice still stands - contact the woman and find out what she wants.  The point of etiquette is be polite, considerate, etc.  Asking her what she prefers fulfills the spirit of the rule much better than adhering to an arbitrary rule, either way.

mvmurkowski

I agree ask someone close to her, what her preference is.

My mom still prefers to be addressed Mrs. John Smith even though my stepdad passed away 5 years ago. 

Most widows I know prefer husbands name if they still had a good loving marriage when he died.  My grandmother did not and prefered her first name to be used but still with the Mrs. title.

GL