No RSVP?

trishinbanff

Our RSVP date has come and gone and we  have not heard from about 1/2 the people (wedding is in 31 days).  I need to give final numbers for food etc,  Can i have FMIL help (since it's mostly her family) find out if people are coming?  do I call/email and ask or just figure they are not coming?
Thanks

twilight.rose

Phone calls are best in this situation. You can certainly have your FMIL help you, particularly if the missing RSVPs belong to members of her family, circle of friends, etc.

banana468

Ditto PP.  Get FMIL and anyone you can to help make the calls and get answers from the non responders.

quotequeen

Your RSVP date was earlier than standard, and people may not have realized that.  I know I don't always pay attention to the RSVP date and have missed it because I assumed it was the typical 3 weeks and it wasn't.  So I would cut people some slack.

But, yes, it's fine for FMIL to help you track down the non-responders.

trishinbanff

Thanks!  I didn't know there was a standard RSVP date.   I just picked about a month before the wedding.  Will see the FMIL this weekend and ask her for some help!

HisCB

i set our rsvp date 30 days out also, i just went with how much time i wanted, counting that i may have to contact some people after that date.
i would give it a couple more mail days and then have her call anyone on her list, and you call anyone on your list etc.

trishinbanff

Opps made a mistake and the RSVP date was only yesterday not last week!  We now have almost all our RSVP's in.  woo hoo

now a new problem has arisen
I'm going to rant so sorry
some of the guests have RSVP'd with their children coming.  The only kids invited were my FI's nieces and nephew (2 are 12 & 13 yrs old and 2 infant and 3 yr old).  now we have over 10 kids coming arggggg.  I love kids I just wanted an adult reception.

my FMIL has been telling them that it's OK to bring their kids (all "offenders" are on his side of the family).
I am giving up and not caring at this point-what's the use right?  It's just the princple at this point.
Am still allowed to be a little po'd!
thank you

banana468

You're absolutely allowed to be irritated.

How nice of your FMIL to invite extra guests without your consent.  :-)

JanoBean75

Who's paying for these extra kids? If your parents (or you) are paying and those kids are not invited, you can call those people and say the kids weren't invited. If FMIL invited them without your consent, she should pay for their meals. Have your FI explain how much it's going to cost you to add them.

trishinbanff

It's not even about the $$ at this point it's just the principle.  My seating charts are now off and I suggested (trying to be good) oh then we'll have a "kids table" oh no no no we can't do that!  we have to sit them with the parents!
FI has WAY more on his side coming to the wedding maybe that's why I'm also mad!  The FIL's are helping to pay so at least that is covered but it's also an issue of capacity of the hall-what if everyone on my family (who are leaving their children at home) was able to come.  We are around the number we wanted even with the extra kids.  It just pissed me off b/c she knew that we were not inviting kids and she said go ahead to her family anyway. ARGGGG

thanks for listening (oh I guess reading)

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_rsvp-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:94513204-4f6c-4101-8f32-55a7c56d4dedPost:7d775fd3-4494-43ee-9977-ae1428104518">Re: No RSVP?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not even about the $$ at this point it's just the principle.  My seating charts are now off and I suggested (trying to be good) oh then we'll have a "kids table" oh no no no we can't do that!  we have to sit them with the parents! FI has WAY more on his side coming to the wedding maybe that's why I'm also mad!  The FIL's are helping to pay so at least that is covered but it's also an issue of capacity of the hall-what if everyone on my family (who are leaving their children at home) was able to come.  We are around the number we wanted even with the extra kids.  It just pissed me off b/c she knew that we were not inviting kids and she said go ahead to her family anyway. ARGGGG thanks for listening (oh I guess reading)
Posted by trishinbanff[/QUOTE]

Well, putting aside the details of this particular issue, I'm asking myself if this is how you can expect your FMIL to behave/interact with you for the next 40 years.  Ugh.  Because, if she <strong><em>really</em></strong> knew your wishes and disregarded them, this could be the start of a long string of headahes (I'm envisioning the mom on "Everybody Loves Raymond").

Good luck with this!