Difference between hosting and paying for wedding?

MarieSD

Sorry, this might be a truly dumb question, but I'm struggling on how to word my invitations. I see lots of people commenting that paying for the wedding doesn't equal hosting it. But ... I don't know what the definition of hosting is, so I'm not sure who the host of my wedding is!

My parents (who live OOT) are giving me a lump sum toward the wedding that might cover all the costs. I'm actually signing the contracts and picking the venues, although I get a lot of moral support from my family and my fiance's. And, my fiance and I will make up any difference in cost. What determines who the host is?

jennylove810

I actually have no idea, but to avoid this whole confusion, FI and I are going the "together with their families..." route on the invitations.

CMJ&MDL2010

We avoided the situation with "[our names] request the pleasure of your company as they join in marriage ..." wording our our invitation with no mention of parents.  We are paying for most of the wedding. FI's parents contributed some funds towards it.  My parents haven't contributed any.  I liked our wording as it seemed more contemporary (at least for a couple who has lived together for two years together like us) and knew it wouldn't cause any issues with any parents as they're all very laid-back.  MIL is hosting a bridal shower (along with SIL) and a next-day brunch for family and out-of-towners though. 

squirrly

Hosting means making decisions, greeting guests, deciding who and how much to tip, etc.  The host/hostess is who the venue would come to with a problem or last minute question.  It's who would be responsible for making sure everything is taken care of.  They may or may not also write the checks. 

Some parents who pony up cash want "credit" for it on the invitation.  Some don't care.  In our situation, we're paying & hosting.  My parents are hosting a welcome dinner, and FI's parents are hosting the RD.  Our invites read:

Bride
and
Groom
together with their parents
Mr. and Mrs. Bride Dad Last
Mr. and Mrs. Groom Dad Last
request the pleasure of your company
etc. 


That way, it's clear that we are the hosts, but we honored our parents, and their contributions, as well.

aerinpegadrak

Duties of a host include paying, greeting guests, selecting vendors, handling any issues that come up during the day, and keeping things running smoothly.  I'm sure there are other things that go into it, too, but those are the ones that come to mind.  A host can perform only some of these duties.

"Together with their parents" is always a good option to avoid drama.

ETA: Squirrly beat me to it, naturally.  This is what I get for putting in a load of laundry mid-post...

MarieSD

That's exactly what I needed! Thank you!

I'd been very stressed about highlighting my parents as the hosts and risk offending his parents...vs. using "together with our parents" and offending mine who had invested more money.  But now that I know my fiance and I are the hosts, I can put both their names on the invitation in the same place, similarly to squirrly's, and nobody will be offended.

Whew. I hope all my dilemmas have such an easy solution!

cch923

I did both our of our parents requesting blah blah at the marriage of their children...