Hey ladies!

FutureMrsMF

Sorry I havent been a good knottie and been posting away with the rest of yall. But Ive been busy lately with school and what not.  Anyone of any good ways to deal with the future inlaws? Im already stressed to the max with them and Im very seriously giving the whole private wedding ceremony another thought! And speaking of very private ceremonies. Have any of you ladies done that? Im just curious if anyone has on here and how they worked out. FI and I have talked about a ceremony where its just me him MOH, BM and the preacher! Any thoughts?

LaFemmeRousse

Hi there!  Sorry to hear the future ILs are being a pain!  What exactly are they doing?  We might be more helpful with specifics :)I've had two friends who did private ceremonies with just MOH and BM (one with parents there, too), but they were both with a judge instead of a preacher.  Both were really happy that they did it that way, and had a bigger reception later on.  I say if it makes you and your FI happy and it won't upset your families too much, do it!

marburs

I had two friends who did a private ceremony- it was just them, their attendents (FI and I were among them) and very close family.  I was really cute. However- they did a whole other ceremony a few months later for family and friends later. Actually- they kept the first one a secret from them.

FutureMrsMF

They want to know every single little detail! Umm, Im only a month into the planning. I dont even know all the details yet! FMIL is upset that I didnt include her and her daughters in the dress shopping. I wanted that to be something special between me and my stepmother. I dont see anything wrong in that. I had to keep my phone off the hook all weekend and keep my cell phone turned off. FMIL wouldnt stop calling. FSILs are extremely upset that they werent included in the bridal party. They are now demanding a spot!!! My little sister isnt even part of the bridal party. I asked her to be but she was very honest in saying she couldnt do it because shes too shyt and just cant put a dress on. (shes extremely tomboyish!)FI and I are seriously thinking about doing a private ceremony. We dont want to do it at the courthouse or anything like that but we most definately want something extrememly small and private. Im still going to wear my gown, hes going to wear his tux and the MOH and BM will wear their attire. My parents are extremely fine with this. FI is more the fine with this, afterall this was his idea! I just dont know how the FILs. I feel like Im living in a nightmare sometimes! EEEEEP!

KRMac

Nice to see you again!My ILs are saints compared to many, but I take many many deep breaths.    And just keep asking yourself if this will matter in 5 years or 10 years - because I can tell you now that hardly any of it matters to me now and we've been married for 15 months. :P My MIL told us over the weekend that she would "have to get back to us" if our Christmas visiting plans would work for them or not.  Um...those are they days we can come, take it or leave it!  Gah. 

missizz

I think that it would kind of suck for you to deny your parents the joy of seeing you getting married and totally not okay if both sets of parents are contributing financially to the wedding.  Weddings are stressful and unfortunately do bring up small family squabbles.  You deal with them, move past them, and go on with planning.  Everyone gets over it.

LaFemmeRousse

Sorry to hear this is causing you stress!  Just be firm about the bridal party and say that it was your joint decision and things will not be changing.  Can you include FI's sisters in some other way to make them feel involved?What if you offer to send out an email to FMIL and maybe FSILs like once a month with planning updates?  This wouldn't be too hard for you to create and would probably get them to stop contacting you constantly asking questions.  At least they are interested in and care about the wedding and want to be involved, though!  Maybe later in the planning process you can take advantage of all their energy and they will be happy to help you do some things.

FutureMrsMF

FI and I talked just a little while ago. I told him with the stress of going to school, working and the wedding planning I cant keep up with his familys demands. I also agree I dont want to keep my parents from the ceremony or his parents for that matter, but he feels his sisters are being a little too pushy with what they want. Weve agreed to try to include his sisters in some way. The more I think about it, I think the more I was having a bridezilla moment! Im thinking about allowing them to be part of the bridal party, but then feel bad because I didnt ask my two cousins who Im extremely close too to be part of it. I guess Im just stuck, so now I have the issue of staying with 3 bridesmaid like I had planned or adding 4 more spots. Im sure everything will come together as far as thats concerned soon. FMIL insist on having a big church ceremony, I actually just want a small outdoors kinda back yard feel and have a huge reception. The more time that goes by the more I feel like FI and I wont get what we want for our day. He insist that I plan what I want and to tell everyone to shut up. Haha. I dont think I should feel like this so soon into the wedding planning. Am I right?Should I have a long talk with his mother and tell her Im happy she wants to be involved and what not, but that this is mine and FIs day so please let us plan it the way we want it and that well somehow put something into the wedding or reception that she would like to see?

LaFemmeRousse

I'm glad you and your FI talked things over.  It's ok to have a bridezilla moment if it never leaves the knot   I wouldn't feel pressured to double the size of your bridal party (unless FI wants his sisters to be in the wedding party?) but it sounds like it would soothe some pain if you found another way for the girls to be involved.  I do think that you and FMIL (with FI there too!) should sit down and talk.  Is she helping to pay for the wedding?  Set some boundaries and be very firm that it it your and FI's wedding and you want to plan a day that is special to you two.

FutureMrsMF

FMIL said the only thing she felt obligated to pay for was the alcohol at the reception, which I know can get expensive. But other then that, its my parents, my FI and me that will be paying for the wedding and the reception. FMIL wants to be very traditional when it comes down to who should pay for what. Which ok, Im fine with that. In a couple of weeks when I get a short break from school FI and I are taking his parents out to dinner and he feels that will be the perfect time to discuss with his mother that shes being a little to pushy and a little to demanding. The more I think about the situation, the more I think shes excited and just wants to help. Which makes me truly happy. FFIL stays back and laughs about it. He has told her many times the ceremony is all about the bride and the reception is all about the groom. LOL. FI feels that I should have to make extra spots in the bridal party theres other things they can do. Thank you girls for reading my little bridezilla rant yesterday!