How do I Clarify NO +1?

lucydisalvo

My FI and I are paying for our wedding.  In order to keep the guest list under control, I want to eliminate a +1 for those family members that are just dating the flavor of the month, or would bring someone just to bring someone.  These family members are between the ages of 16-26.  We can't afford to have people there just to be there (also we don't know them, and they'll pobably be gone by the next family party).  I am planning to answer any questions by stating that I am limiting the GL to FIs and Spouses.

There is one problem: As far as I know, two of my cousins (early 20s) have a GF/BF they've been with a while (1yr+ I think).  Do I make an exception for them?  

Most importantly, how do I address the invites? My mom says I should list every name on the outer & inner envelopes.  If I do that, I feel it's a bit cumbersome, and want to put all the names on the inner env. only.  She does not think it's a good idea to put "and family" in this case because it they may take it to mean everyone is welcome to bring a guest.  (Cousins have brought uninvited, unannounced guests to events in the past--not sure if they would to a wedding, but I don't want to find out).  Is there also something I should do with the response cards? 

All of these cousins live with their parents.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_clarify-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:be2a86ce-f030-4053-9093-d61ba1776019Post:89bb88c6-3b08-459e-9643-e314853e436a">Re: How do I Clarify NO +1?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I Clarify NO +1? : I agree. Also, I hope you're not breaking up any families -- i.e. Do you have any families with a 14 year old and a nine year old? You can't just invite the parents and the 14-year-old kid.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

You can - but you need to accept the possibility that they'll be upset.

A clear cutoff by age isn't bad - but people are often upset when the older kids are welcomed and the younger ones are not.  The easeir thing to do is invite by group - like cousins, nieces and nephes, etc.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_clarify-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:be2a86ce-f030-4053-9093-d61ba1776019Post:652cae35-ee5c-46e7-8f14-bd5ff1c6512d">How do I Clarify NO +1?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I are paying for our wedding.  In order to keep the guest list under control, I want to eliminate a +1 for those family members that are just dating the flavor of the month, or would bring someone just to bring someone.  These family members are between the ages of 16-26.  We can't afford to have people there just to be there (also we don't know them, and they'll pobably be gone by the next family party).  I am planning to answer any questions by stating that I am limiting the GL to FIs and Spouses. There is one problem: As far as I know, two of my cousins (early 20s) have a GF/BF they've been with a while (1yr+ I think).  Do I make an exception for them?   Most importantly, how do I address the invites? My mom says I should list every name on the outer & inner envelopes.  If I do that, I feel it's a bit cumbersome, and want to put all the names on the inner env. only.  She does not think it's a good idea to put "and family" in this case because it they may take it to mean everyone is welcome to bring a guest.  (Cousins have brought uninvited, unannounced guests to events in the past--not sure if they would to a wedding, but I don't want to find out).  Is there also something I should do with the response cards?  All of these cousins live with their parents.
Posted by lucydisalvo[/QUOTE]

Any adult should get his/her own invitation at least by social unit.  If one cousin has a boyfriend/girlfriend then you need to honor that relationship.

The phrase 'and family' should never be used on a wedding invitation.  It's far too ambiguous as well as being incorrect.  Your guests have names - please use them.

It's fine to not invite your guests to bring a random date.  However if any are in relationships, you need to honor that relationship regardless of what you think of the social unit.

DirtyWater

I know some will frown apon this but our cut off is you don't have a date unless you are 21 and over. 

The cut off for age is 13 nobody under that age is invited and we will be listing each name on the rsvp.

(My mother, wants to include a tiny note to those with children under 13 explaining why.  I do not like this)

maribeth721

We have a lot of cousins so we made the cut off 18. Basically anyone that is not an adult cannot come. Thankfully we don't have any cousins who have siblings that are under 18. We are also not inviting some of our family members to bring plus ones (there has been drama in the past at weddings with the people they have brought and we aren't tolerating it at our wedding) so we simply are not including "and guest" on the invitations.

GoBucksOH

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_clarify-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:be2a86ce-f030-4053-9093-d61ba1776019Post:3ae395b1-2a02-4ef5-a0b5-e4fd8fba812a">Re: How do I Clarify NO +1?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know some will frown apon this but our cut off is you don't have a date unless you are 21 and over.  The cut off for age is 13 nobody under that age is invited and we will be listing each name on the rsvp. <strong><em>(My mother, wants to include a tiny note to those with children under 13 explaining why.</em></strong>  I do not like this )
Posted by DirtyWater[/QUOTE]

Oh. My.

Please don't do this.

aragx6

I was always taught the the outer envelope is for the post office and the inner is the "nice" one, so if you are inviting someone in a relationship but who doesn't live with that person, I've always seen the outer envelope with just the resident's name and then the inner with both names (or "and guest" if they're doing that). A lot of people don't use inner envelopes anymore so they'll just write both names on the envelope.

I agree with others who say it's important that you're not judging the seriousness of anyone's relationship. If the couple considers themselves a couple, they are a social unit and should be invited together as such. If there's any doubt, simply call them and ask if there's anyone special in their lives. But for truly single folks you are fine to invite them sans plus one.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_clarify-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:be2a86ce-f030-4053-9093-d61ba1776019Post:893d57da-9335-4559-a01c-0b2f1ebea312">Re: How do I Clarify NO +1?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I Clarify NO +1? : Oh. My. Please don't do this.
Posted by GoBucksOH[/QUOTE]

I agree. Also, I hope you're not breaking up any families -- i.e. Do you have any families with a 14 year old and a nine year old? You can't just invite the parents and the 14-year-old kid.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Outer:
Mr and Mrs John Smith

Inner:
Mr and Mrs John Smith
Miss Susan Smith
Master Robert Smith

(for children under 18)

If someone is over 18 they get their own invitation, regardless of whether or not they live with their parents.

jesannnne

My guest lists consist of the people I know and mean a lot of me and my FI. If they did have a bf/gf they've been dating in a while we just automatically add them in the guest list. At the bottom of our RSVP's we including a "We Reserved ONE seat for you" or to how many people we're allowing them to bring. 

lucydisalvo

Thank you for all of the suggestions everyone.  They are all very helpful.