Age Difference?

FutureMrsMF

So I just found out about two hours ago that my cousin and her 45 year old boyfriend are engaged. Im happy for her, yet the rest of my family, well they arent so happy. Shes 23 hes 45. Im just curious to see what you ladies think about this.

king26

That;'s a pretty big difference, but my FI and I are 11 years apart and it toally works...it all depends on the people I think...If she's happy, then everyone else should be too!

jweis11

45 and 23...hmmlike PP said if she is happy then everyone else should be however, I just can't see what a 45 yr old would have in common with a 23 yr old but maybe she is an old soul

FutureMrsMF

I agree, but everyone knows how people will talk! I just wish her best of luck. Shes seems extremely happy. Im just worried about the age difference because I know shes going to want to have kids eventually.

jennybean2010

chances are she has thought about that already and discussed it with him or is prepared for whatever their decision will be. if she finds that she meshes with someone that age, more power to her.

kwynn

Ehh, well, men certainly do take longer to mature.I think a big age difference is more significant now than it used to be. A hundred years ago, there wasn't much difference between a 20-something and a 40-something.Now, with schooling and career upstarts, it seems that 20-something and 40-something are worlds apart. I'd want to know why he was older and yet unmarried (unless he was divorced). I'd just wonder why he hadn't settled down until now.

FutureMrsMF

I really hate doing this, but a little info on these two. Theyve been together 4 years, hes been divorced I think a little over 4 years, like 4 years and 2 or 3 months. Ive always believed my cousin was "that girl". But they both swear up and down its not like that! And who am I to judge anyways!I was just curious about how others view an age thing like this. My family was a little weird about the 5 years between me and FI only because I had just turned 18 when we met, so I can only imagine what my family is really saying about all of this. Either way, as long as shes happy thats all that matters, and I hope it works!

dreamalotmp

Hmm - I hate to say that I am wary of that situation. Maybe because my Uncle was 50 and married a 28 year old. Pan to 7 years later and she divorced him because she wanted to have kids. They didn't sign a prenup and he is worth millions - half of which she is gong to get. I didn't believe that she could turn out to be a jerk, but I am being proven wrong. Not every situation is similar, of course, but I'd be cautiously optimistic for them, I guess.

dicer2

My godmother is married to a man who is 20 years older than her.  They've been together for 30 years.  (She was 20, he was 40.)  However, she is now an energetic 50 year old with an elderly 70 year old husband.  She knew it would come to this so they were not unprepared.  I think people in this situation need to be fully aware of the extra difficulties they may have to face.

EmilyBerdell

I think that the age difference would be less shocking down the line, like when she is 43 and he is 65. That doesn't sound like nearly as much of a difference, IMHO. I think that dreamalot and Candice have great points, too. She may be thrilled now. But what happens in 5 years when she wants to have kids and he's 50 and doesn't want to go down that road? Or later and he's not able to keep up with her energy level due to age / illness? If they've discussed these things, that's great...but if not, that could spell trouble later. I'd say cautious optimism is the way to go.

Er&JerLem

If she's happy, that's great.  But I'd be a wary of the whole situation.A 41 year old dating a 19 year old?  Honestly that seems a bit creepy to me.  I guess if they've really sat down and talked about all the issues, and they're prepared for people to mistake him for her father, then they're as prepared as they can be.  They're both old enough to make their own decision, but as pps said - cautiously optimistic for sure.

KimWard

Wow, no offense, but that does creep me out. I can see why her family is not happy. I know, if she's happy and they've talked out all of the potential issues that may arise, then who are we to judge. This is just my personal opinion- I could never be with someone so much older. I mean, I feel that I've always been mature for my age, but that just seems really extreme.

skybluejen

I think my parents would have killed me if I dated a 41 year old when I was 19!  I agree that its rare that people with that big of an age difference can have anything in common. When I was 21 I dated a guy who was 29 and even that was tough because I was in college and he was settled down with a house and the works.  It just seems that it would be hard to relate when you are at to totally different parts of your life.My uncle and his wife are 15 years apart. They got married when she was 25 and he was 40. They are a really cute couple and now have 2 beautiful daughters. I think it can definitely work if the couple knows what they are getting into. On the other hand, I can see why people would think its creepy. My 21 year old cousin is engaged to a 40 year old and they just had a baby together. My whole family HATES the situation. Even looking at pictures of them together seems so weird.

AMK2009

I am going to guess that he has money.

jezebell

It depends on the people in the relationship.  I am 12 years older than FI.  Nobody ever addresses when the woman is older than the man.  It wasn't the way we started but we now know it totally works.  I'd have to assume that every couple, as we have, has addressed the issue of having kids and aging and differences that will be faced over the years.  I've come to realize that age years has nothing to do with maturity.

FutureMrsMF

Not really sure if the guy has money or not. Have seriously only been around the two a few time. I dont know alot of details, but when I stopped by my stepmothers house today to have our morning starbucks, she said something about my aunt is willing to do anything to stop it, and Im like oh wow, cuz apparently my cousin is trying to plan for a wedding before this year is up, all I can say is "WHOA, WOW, and Good Luck to that one!Im thinking about calling her tonight to see if she wants to go grab some dinner with me, maybe I can get some information from her, see whats going on.

daveys_baby

I don't think assuming that she's a gold digger is anymore accurate than assuming that he's pervy for liking someone so much younger.  It works both ways where money is concerned, I know someone who's significantly older husband used HER stability and HER income as a way to get custody of HIS kids then got divorced.  I agree with the ladies who expressed a concern about later in life, and I think it's great that you're not judging them and just hoping for your cousin's happiness Mrs.MF :-)

king26

No as I said, I'm 11 years younger then FI and I actually make more then he does...it's no big deal.  We met at work and love our jobs.  I'm mature for my age, and he definitely looks younger then his age.  So if people agree upon what will happen in the future with kids and what not...I think it can totally work.  It's when you jump into things that it gets sticky....

kalikat0403

Thats great your happy for your cousin. I have a sorority  sister who just got married last weekend. She's maybe 25. Her husband is 48 and has I think 3 kids.  If my sorority sister and your cousin are truly happy than mazel tov to them. However, that isn't going to stop people judging their relationship/age difference. For me, I think its too big off a difference, but again, if she's happy thats what matters.

FutureMrsMF

I just feel that all that matters is her happiness. But my family, they are flipping out. Sometimes I feel my family should just sit back and let things happen. You cant control the outcome on everything! Thanks ladies, cousin and I are going out to dinner tonight to talk about her wedding. So hopefully Ill find something out. Ill update yall when I get back!