Please proofread my Wedding invitation

OrtiqueWedding

Both parents are contributing & is a catholic wedding :

Mr. & Mrs. James Taylor &
Mr. & Mrs. Calvin Ortique

Request the honour of your presence
at the nuptial mass
at which their children

Alexandra-Nicole Taylor
 and
Calvin Jonathan Ortique

will be united in the
Sacrement of Holy Matrimony

Friday, the thirtieth of September
Two thousand and eleven
at five o'clock in the evening

church info--
---
---

Reception to follow @ ---

GeauxTigers17

1 - spell out "and" between your parents' names

2 - eliminate the "and" between the two sets of parents - it should just be the two sets of names, no joining word

3 - "request" should be lowercase

4 - capitalize Nuptial Mass

 - I would use "at the Nuptial Mass uniting their children" instead of the two part line you have now

5 - you don't need "will be united....Matrimony" because that's the very meaning of a "Nuptial Mass." If you do include is, you've got Sacrament misspelled in your OP

6 - I would use "and afterwards at the reception" instead of reception to follow on a formal invitation like this. I just think the wording sounds better with what you've got. 

OrtiqueWedding

i was just asking my parents about that line" at the Nuptial mass uniting their children"

we all agreed the original is tooo wordy, thank you for all the clarification !

GeauxTigers17

Sure! The text I gave you is straight from Crane's Blue Book if you need it. 

jess9802

5 PM is technically afternoon - it's okay to say "five o'clock"

kristinanddan

And afterwards at the reception doesn't really make any sense - how would you word that -
And afterwards at the reception at
Reception Hall
Location

OP, Your original reception wording of Reception to follow flows a lot better

kristinanddan

Also, the T in the year shouldn't be capitalized

tenofcups4me

I agree with most of Geux's changes. I'm ok with either Reception to follow or And afterwards at the reception -- they mean the same thing and I've seen them both used, though I think the second is less common now.

GeauxTigers17

It would just read:

and afterwards at the reception

The Grand Ballroom

<address if necessary>

As far as it making sense, it's just a continuation of the request line. Like if you cut out all the middle, if would read "Mr. and Mrs. X Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage ... and afterwards at the reception. So grammatically, it makes sense. 

And OP, I didn't catch the 5 o'clock thing - it is afternoon if you decide to use a prepositional phrase after the time. Evening doesn't start until 6pm. 

vicki0508

I wouldn't include the reception address on the invitation.  I would put "reception immediately to follow" and then have a separate reception insert with the address.

GeauxTigers17

If you use a reception card, you don't put anything on the invite about the reception. It all goes on the insert.

Kristin789

>>And afterwards at the reception doesn't really make any sense

Well, that's the correct wording to be used on a formal invitation...

ootmother2

Two thousand and eleven has a capital T

5:00 in the afternoon

Nuptial Mass is capitalized

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_please-proofread-wedding-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d2dc8440-949f-4f48-9db2-13e1f12061b6Post:5362d52d-c6e1-4b65-b237-2d3ed42f850a">Re: Please proofread my Wedding invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]It would just read: and afterwards at the reception The Grand Ballroom <address if necessary /> As far as it making sense, it's just a continuation of the request line. Like if you cut out all the middle, if would read "Mr. and Mrs. X Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage ... and afterwards at the reception. So grammatically, it makes sense.  And OP, I didn't catch the 5 o'clock thing - it is afternoon if you decide to use a prepositional phrase after the time. Evening doesn't start until 6pm. 
Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

Now I understand. I was kind of reading it separately, but I see how it flows from the rest of the invite now.
Can't say I've ever seen that on an invite.
And it's funny Kristin, I've received plenty of formal invites to plenty of formal weddings and somehow they all have separate reception cards.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" />