should i invite my dad and stepmom?

Randy & Carrie

i've always had a problem with my stepmom and didn't even go to their wedding because i wasn't made part of it, but my brother was my dad's bestman.  my stepmom is constantly talking about me to other members of our family telling them how terrible i am even though i have tried to be nice to her.  i don't really talk to my father anymore mainly because of this and the fact that he only contacts me to find out what my brother's up to and to ask me for something.  but my dad's family all live really close together so they always know what each other is doing.  because of this i was wondering if i should still invite my dad and his wife even though we don't talk and i'm trying to cut cost where ever possible.

LeiselEB

It's up to you, but I'd think really hard about it. I know I'd regret not at least inviting my dad to my wedding if I were in your shoes. If they don't come, that's on them, but at least you've extended the invitation, ya know?

If your stepmom wasn't in the picture, would you want to invite your dad? You do have to invite them both if you decide to invite your dad, but they don't need to be seated anywhere near you, and don't need to have a part in the ceremony. You could have as little interaction with them as you want.

misfranks

It's a tough topic. But I guess you need to decide could you live without them being there? My brother and sister have a very simular issue. My bro and sis have the same dad. My mom remarried my dad and had me. My sister has always tried to be close to her dad but he only cares about the relationship with my bro. He doesn't ask about their kids and we're not even sure he knows my bro has 2 kids now even though they are 7 and 11. My brother cut him out of his life when he got tired of his dad calling and asking about his computer problems and never asking about them or his family. He is able to do that. My sister can't even though she knows she is not who he wants.

You have to decide. Not even your FI can. If you would rather not have them then dont invite them. Better to save the grief. If you want him there but his wife is annoying well you have to decide for your self which is more important and act on it.

I hope I've helped.

Kristin789

Yes.

kmmssg

Take the cost factor completely out of this - is isn't what is important here and can lead you in the wrong direction.

Bottom line up front:  what do want your future relationship with your father to look like?  Do you want to end it, or do you want to keep the door open to some kind of reconciliation?

The very best ammunition you can give your stepmom as far as talking about you is to not invite your father to your wedding.  She will be able to milk that baby for YEARS.  If you want to give her something that she can use against you, that one would be off the chart.

Your decision needs to be based on the big picture, not cutting costs.  Only you know the answer here.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_should-i-invite-my-dad-and-stepmom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d38759bb-f38d-465e-b74c-25ef52c7f452Post:4ea97212-6990-48b1-84e4-bc3cbb0708a5">should i invite my dad and stepmom?</a>:
[QUOTE]i've always had a problem with my stepmom and <strong>didn't even go to their wedding because i wasn't made part of it</strong>, but my brother was my dad's bestman.  my stepmom is constantly talking about me to other members of our family telling them how terrible i am even though i have tried to be nice to her.  i don't really talk to my father anymore mainly because of this and the fact that he only contacts me to find out what my brother's up to and to ask me for something.  but my dad's family all live really close together so they always know what each other is doing.  because of this i was wondering if i should still invite my dad and his wife even though we don't talk and i'm trying to cut cost where ever possible.
Posted by Randy & Carrie[/QUOTE]

You seriously did not go to your dad and stepmother's wedding because you were not part of it???  That alone is a lifetime's worth of material for your SM to talk bad about you.  Why would you want to add more by refusing to invite her and your father to your wedding?

HobokensFury

You should be the bigger person and extend the invite.

vantica

Although not being asked, but I'm not sure why you felt the need to be involved in his wedding? There really is only so many positions you can make up to make people feel important somehow.  (As I am finding out as more and more people want to be included somehow.)