Wedding Invitations & Paper

How to deal with a fiance that doesn't want to use full names on the invites.

My fiance is being a stickler about using full names on our wedding invites. For example, his cousin's name is Joe and he refuses to tell me if it's actually Joseph or not because he believes we should write their names by what they go by. How do I explain to him that this is not proper and it looks poorly on me?

Re: How to deal with a fiance that doesn't want to use full names on the invites.

  • Something like this, I find it best to just pull out the etiquette book (get one at any public library) and say - "Look. This is the rule."

    I do think, however, that today, the over-arching etiquette is you call people by what they want to be called. If a PhD insists on always being "Dr.," so be it. If a wife-MD whose husband does not have a doctorate insists on being "Mrs." so be it. If "Joe" hates "Joseph," same thing.

    Also, it may help to bury the issue in a bunch of information you need about the guests. "Please contact your half of the guest list and verify their current mailing addresses, an electronic means of contact (in case the RSVP is lost, etc.), and the formal names of everyone invited." Then, it's not just Joe or Joseph, not just the one person, and not just the name, it's just a list of information practicality and etiquette require you to obtain.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_how-to-deal-with-a-finance-that-doesnt-want-to-use-full-names-on-the-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0b31b7e-3989-439a-96c1-2690072460c0Post:4dc65ca0-8228-41db-81ac-6a736e7b0001">How to deal with a fiance that doesn't want to use full names on the invites.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance is being a stickler about using full names on our wedding invites. For example, his cousin's name is Joe and he refuses to tell me if it's actually Joseph or not because he believes we should write their names by what they go by. How do I explain to him that this is not proper and it looks poorly on me?
    Posted by cfdevall[/QUOTE]

    Google "how to address wedding invitations" and show him the results.  If that doesn't work, it may be a little underhanded but I'd get his mom, sisters, etc. involved in this one because he is clearly not taking your word for it that a formal occassion like a wedding calls for formal address to guests.  Hearing it from other people may help.  A cousin had the same attitude that resulted in a drag down knockout fight with her mother and it wasn't until aunts and female cousins sided with her mom that she finally backed down.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    This isn't a hill I would die on honestly. I checked around (and found out a few odd names I didn't even know about), but I really dont think most people care enough for it to look poorly on you.

    Can you just ask his mom or another family member though?
    Lizzie
  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    I wouldn't die on this hill either, I'd get around him, either through a member of his family or internet stalking.  Intelius (clicky) usually has a person's given name.  If you don't have too many, you could run them through there.  
  • Honestly, yes, I would prefer to do formal names, but I also wouldn't die on this hill, especially if it's only affecting one or two guests. I would just put what they like to go by on the invitation.


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  • I sent several invites that included nicknames or first names only.  do you call him Joe/  then address it that way cause you know Joe, you like Joe, you want to see Joe at the wedding,  who the f is Joseph?  But we are less formal people and having a less formal event since we feel like the people we invited and accepted are really coming to celebrate this joyous moment not because we addressed the invite "properly"
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_how-to-deal-with-a-finance-that-doesnt-want-to-use-full-names-on-the-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0b31b7e-3989-439a-96c1-2690072460c0Post:3dc4cc9d-b80c-422f-9035-6b17f7a2f4ca">Re: How to deal with a fiance that doesn't want to use full names on the invites.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I sent several invites that included nicknames or first names only.  do you call him Joe/  then address it that way cause you know Joe, you like Joe, you want to see Joe at the wedding,  who the f is Joseph?  But we are less formal people and having a less formal event <strong>since we feel like the people we invited and accepted are really coming to celebrate this joyous moment not because we addressed the invite "properly"
    </strong>Posted by lissa12[/QUOTE]

    That is one of the most asininely judgmental things I've ever read on here.
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_how-to-deal-with-a-finance-that-doesnt-want-to-use-full-names-on-the-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0b31b7e-3989-439a-96c1-2690072460c0Post:36d4be81-ff93-4606-adb1-d9d81ed2dd90">Re: How to deal with a fiance that doesn't want to use full names on the invites.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to deal with a fiance that doesn't want to use full names on the invites. : That is one of the most asininely judgmental things I've ever read on here.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    I don't think it was meant that way. I didn't read it that way until I saw your post.

    OP - I would go with Joe unless your event is super formal. I forget which PP said "you know Joe, you like Joe," etc. and I think that's a good way to look at it. Joe vs. Joseph is not as technical as Dr. vs. Mrs. in my opinion (and considering men don't view etiquette as strongly as women do, there's a good chance Joe doesn't know the difference).
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