Invites and Paper

Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret

Does this seem presumptuous to anyone else? How can I know if they are declining with regret? Perhaps they're declining with glee!

Is this me being a grammar nazi? Or do others think this is, at least moderately, odd?
Lizzie

Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret

  • Just put accepts or declines.  You are right that you shouldn't assume the emotion of the person responding.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • we are saying;
    "Wouldn't miss it"
    and
    "Will toast from afar"
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Follow Me on Pinterest
    hweiss27
  • Ha yes; I honestly don't remember what we did.  We had a friend do:

    Accepts with pleasure
    Declines with regret
    Accepts with regret
    Declines with pleasure


    Which is pretty funny; although I'm sure somewhat confusing to some.
  • I agree. That's why I just did accepts/declines.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • Usually very formal weddings use Accepts with pleasure, Declines with regret. You can say whatever you want, there will probably be one person that will always take things the wrong way or read into something that is entirely innocent.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:f6a72246-5125-440d-a1ef-0aa44a776685">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ha yes; I honestly don't remember what we did.  We had a friend do: Accepts with pleasure Declines with regret Accepts with regret Declines with pleasure Which is pretty funny; although I'm sure somewhat confusing to some.
    Posted by hz80408[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is awesome!</div>
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary
  • This has been brought up before and all I can do is roll my eyes...

    I highly doubt its a big deal.  I cannot imagine somebody being so offended that you assumed they would be regret the decline or be honored at the acceptance that they would say you have poor etiquette and never talk to you again. 
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
    image
    Fall Wedding Bio
  • I don't like the decines with regret/accepts with pleasure. It's not that I'm offended by it, I just think it's a smidge tacky. Not the worst, but I've found my eyes slightly rolling when I've gotten invites with that on it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:69aad045-3f55-4f7c-8929-820c08438c12">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
    [QUOTE]Usually very formal weddings use Accepts with pleasure, Declines with regret. You can say whatever you want, there will probably be one person that will always take things the wrong way or read into something that is entirely innocent.
    Posted by teralicious[/QUOTE]

    Not sure where you heard this but it's not true.

    I'm not a huge fan because I do find it to be presumptuous.  It doesn't offend me - I just think it's silly to put it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:4e18aac6-8af6-4cac-a5fc-674e790d42b3">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
    [QUOTE]This has been brought up before and all I can do is roll my eyes... I highly doubt its a big deal.  I cannot imagine somebody being so offended that you assumed they would be regret the decline or be honored at the acceptance that they would say you have poor etiquette and never talk to you again. 
    Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.

    Accepts with pleasure / declines with regret is perfectly fine wording, IMO.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:4e18aac6-8af6-4cac-a5fc-674e790d42b3">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
    [QUOTE]This has been brought up before and all I can do is roll my eyes... I highly doubt its a big deal.  I cannot imagine somebody being so offended that you assumed they would be regret the decline or be honored at the acceptance that they would say you have poor etiquette and never talk to you again. 
    Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

    I wasn't too concerned about that. It's just always something that seemed weird to me and was curious if I was the only one! thankfully I'm not.

    I do think I'm just saying accepts/declines -- then I thought "Oh dear, what if that seems brusque!?"
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:e562eaed-d0d1-463e-b871-36d3bba3712d">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret : I agree with this. Accepts with pleasure / declines with regret is perfectly fine wording, IMO.
    Posted by Mandafly84[/QUOTE]

    But this isn't a matter of opinion.  From an etiquette perspective, the 'with pleasure' and 'with regret' do not belong.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:4f312d0f-9481-438e-854f-13b7859fc581">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret : But this isn't a matter of opinion.  From an etiquette perspective, the 'with pleasure' and 'with regret' do not belong.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    Says who?

    I'm not being a brat, I'm truly curious.  If there's a single place where all the etiquette rules are clearly spelled out and explained I'd love to see it, study it, and not make any mistakes!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ^I'm not certain about this particular issue, but my go-to etiquette gal has been and always will be Miss Manners:

    http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior-Freshly/dp/0393058743

    Lizzie
  • meganb1977meganb1977 member
    1000 Comments
    edited January 2012
    I thought it was kind of presumptous as well and it was too formal for my taste...I'm having a casual wedding with a beachy vibe.  My wedding is on a riverboat and I used

    No._____ are coming along for the ride
    No._____ wish they could be there

    I guess I'm still being presumptous but it didn't seem quite as stuffy.  Just saying "accepts" or "declines," or whatever wording you like that still makes everything clear so you can get a head count, is just fine!
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • "accepts with pleasure" and "declines with regret" originated when people actually sat down and wrote a formal response on their own stationery.  The correct wording was
    :
    "Mr. and Mrs.Doe
    accept with pleasure (or decline with regret)
    Mr. and Mrs. Smith's kind invitation
    for Saturday, the fifth of June"


    I think that if you sent out wedding invitations today without a reply card, you would wind up with a surprise party.
  • Any wording that presumes to know the responder's emotions or is too cutesy makes me cringe.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards