Wedding Invitations & Paper

Please be gentle....

OK. I know Im going to get backlash from this but please be kind.
I have about 170 relatives that live about 4 hours away. Knowing my family I am very certain that less than half will attend. But knowing what I know from the boards on here I know I have to expect 100% attendence. With that being said, I refuse to not invite local frineds on the very unlikely chance that more out of towers will attend. Sooo... the reception is not an issue, if everyone comes there is room and I will just suck it up and pay for them. The issue is the ceremony. The room holds 200 max. On the off chance that everyone shows up and they cant all fit in the room I am thinking of 2 options. I know they both suck but like I said its very unlikely it will come to this, I just need a contingency plan just in case....
Can I have people sit outside the room (its covered in windows so they'd still be able to see) OR say something along the lines that we ask children not attend the ceremony  but are welcome at the reception and that a room/babysitter will be provided on site. Any other ideas?

Re: Please be gentle....

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you have space at the ceremony to put people outside, just have the ceremony outside if you end up with a high acceptance rate.  

    Or move the ceremony to the reception venue.  
  • I invited 180 people to ours and the ceremony place only holds 130 lol. But....it's in a garden outside, so I knew we could add more chairs if needed. (IF it rained, the backup only holds 130 period...no exceptions.) Weird thing is...130 people are coming! The exact number I needed to get to. I had a lot of family I KNEW wouldn't come, but invited anyway. Trust me though...I was STRESSED for the last few months until we got all of our RSVP's. I was so worried about what we would do if it did rain and didn't have room. I would invite those family members you feel obligated to invite...honestly, we got a lot of people saying no before we even sent out the invites! I don't know when you're getting married, but I would send Save the Dates...that's when I got a few emails and phone calls telling me who wouldn't be there. As the time gets closer...if you have a bunch of the family saying no, then invite those friends! Play it by ear...we added a couple people to ours once we found out the number of guests. No one has been offended or anything, they are really excited!! Good luck! 
  • So what is your total guest list then if you invited everyone you want? 

    I agree w/ pp about sending out save the dates (just to those you have to invite, so the out of towners) first and getting a feel for how many are coming.

    Do you have to have kids?  You could always address the invites to just the parents, that would cut down on bodies and also maybe give you a few more nos.
  • As of right now, the guest list is about 320- 170 of which is out of town guests. My dad and I (its my dads side) really only think about 30 will show but I am freaking out that what if more decide (even though all my immediate family has pretty much guaranteed this wont happen). Its in December in ND so it cant be outside. I really want kids to be at the reception or else I would definately invite adults only. If absolute worst happens I could always have the ceremony at the reception location but I LOVE my ceremony location.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_please-be-gentle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:fb69ef20-702d-4756-8e05-46594edb9316Post:14d2695a-7e1a-4135-af9f-2d1e5cda6659">Re: Please be gentle....</a>:
    [QUOTE]As of right now, the guest list is about 320- 170 of which is out of town guests. My dad and I (its my dads side) really only think about 30 will show but I am freaking out that what if more decide (even though all my immediate family has pretty much guaranteed this wont happen). Its in December in ND so it cant be outside. I really want kids to be at the reception or else I would definately invite adults only. <strong>If absolute worst happens I could always have the ceremony at the reception location </strong>but I LOVE my ceremony location.
    Posted by [email protected][/QUOTE]

    Given that you do have a viable alternative, I think you'll be fine. But if you have more than your ceremony venue can hold, I really think you need to be OK with doing this option. You'd have to call everyone and tell them of the change though which would be difficult.

    My FMIL keeps saying this or that prson won't come and several have already said they are.
    Lizzie
  • If 170 of your 320 guests are from OOT and you dont' expect at least half of them to show up?  You should go through those 170 people and invite the ones closest to you.  You do not need to invite 170 extended family members that you do not have a relationship with.  what's the point?  are you hoping to get gifts from the OOT people that cannot attend?

    In theory, your numbers won't work anyway, even if half don't attend.

    total guest list:    320
    half of OOT         -85

    total guests:     = 235

    If your ceremony location only has a 200 capacity, you are still over that number.  Even if only 30-40 of the 170 show up, per your original post, you are still going to be cutting it dangerously close !!!      

    I'm not trying to be rude or harsh, but your numbers hardly work if barely any of the OOT invitees show up. If you get even a TINY bit higher percentage, it will NOT work.  You are gonig to have to cut your guest list some or move to a different location.  I know you say you love your ceremony location and you refuse to not invite your local friends... but, something is going to have to give.  

    Your "other room and look through the windows" or "no kids at the ceremony" options are rude.  Don't do it.
     
  • P.S. -   I haven't even sent out my invites yet... I just sent out STDs in March.  12 of the people we were SURE wouldn't come have already bought flights and another 8 or so have said they are waiting to see if flight prices drop.   I just wouldn't risk it unless you are completely and totally ok with changing your ceremony location.

  • The reason Im inviting them all is because they are ALL aunts, uncles or first cousins and i was told i have to invite all cousins if I invite any.
  • There are few assigned seats, if any, at a ceremony, so in a worse case if you get beyond 200, then it would be first come first seated. Those who did not arrive early would then sit in the outdoor room. Or, those with young children may choose to sit there anyway. Perhaps you could get a pa system in there so folks could still hear? It would be silly for someone to get mad about seating if it is first come first serve, and they can still see and hear.
  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2012

    Even a movie theatre stops selling tickets after all of the seats are full.  First come, first served only applies to the location of the seat, not having a seat at all. 

    I'm sorry...  I don't mean to give you a hard time about this decision, but it's just a horribly bad idea to invite 120 people more than you can actually accomodate.   20 or 30 is one thing...   but, 120??    that is a recipe for disaster.  You are going to have to figure out a way to cut your guest list.  the only other option is to call your family members ahead of time and say "Hi Aunt Jane.  I'm sending out the invites this week and in trying to get an approximate headcount forthe venue.  I was wondering if you thought you'd be able to make it.".  Then, you could include extra friends if you are positive the family member isn't coming.

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_please-be-gentle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:fb69ef20-702d-4756-8e05-46594edb9316Post:5c8889a3-cad6-4b2b-9667-9474387ed437">Re: Please be gentle....</a>:
    [QUOTE]The reason Im inviting them all is because they are ALL aunts, uncles or first cousins and i was told i have to invite all cousins if I invite any.
    Posted by [email protected][/QUOTE]

    Why don't you drop the first cousins and then just invite the aunts & uncles. . .

    ETA: You are right to invite in circles, but you can do the circles within families as well, which is why I suggest dropping the first cousins.
  • I am in the same situation my ceremony site can only hold 120 and I've invited 180 to the wedding. My response card looked like this (not word for word, but basically):

    _____ ceremony & reception
    _____ reception only
    _____ cannot attend

    I have already recieved a few "reception only" and most of those are friends who live about an hour away from the site who dont want to try to find a way to spend 2 hours in my city inbetween the ceremony and reception. This puts the ball in their court and and at the end of the day, a lot of people dont want to sit through the ceremony anyways! 

    Hope this helps! Good luck!
  • Totally put the kids with the sitters for the ceremony. It's totally fine. 

    OR invite the FAMILY first. Have them RSVP earlier and THEN invite the friends.  That's actually what I'm doing because our wedding is very small.  That way we don't get too big. Good luck!
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