May 2013 Weddings

Wedding Envy

Please tell me if I'm being crazy - in fact, I am quite certain that I am, so more so wondering if anyone else feels this way!

So like most people, budget constraints suck the fun out of wedding planning. I'm working super hard to find gorgeous things and DIY as much as possible to make the whole shebang an awesome, beautiful experience. It's stressful, we've had two unexpected bouts of unemployment since getting engaged and starting to plan, so that's def put a damper on our wedding savings. But I'm positive that it's going to be a great day with lots of love and personal touches.

But. BUT!

Part of me is totally, completely, borderline-stupid jealous of a girl I know who is having a PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS $$$ WEDDING. She's great, very nice, works hard and I'm sure is contributing quite a bit herself (her parents are loaded too...) She was showing me awhile ago the designs her florist customized for her, the $3K+ dress she bought, the Jimmy Choos... and I was close to tears on the ride home. I'm just so, so jealous. I want to have a florist, not stress about DIY sourcing my own flowers and creating them on my own the day before. I'd love a couture gown. The conversation literally went:"Check out my Lazaro dress! It's being customized here, and this is the hand beaded belt I added... Where did you get your dress?" I just felt embarrassed to tell her I got it off the sale rack at DB. Not that there should be anything wrong with that! I love my dress and I love that it was on sale. It just felt like a weird conversation.

I really am happy for her and know that she is doing what she can afford. I'm just trying to get over my own jealousy. Any tips? I think I'm going to cut myself off Pinterest and SMP for awhile.
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Re: Wedding Envy

  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
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    I feel pangs of jealousy when I hear about people not having to pay for any of their wedding. I get annoyed when they complain about how stressful wedding planning is. Really? Imagine having to save every single penny by yourself in order to have the wedding you want, then come talk to me about stress. 

    My family was fairly well off when I was growing up & then the economy happened & my mom lost her job (she worked in mortgages, it couldn't have been worse haha) & fell into a depression & was out of work for a long time. I don't blame her AT ALL for any of this. It's our wedding & therefore our responsibility & I know that. But I also know how much my mom & stepdad helped out his daughter for her wedding which was years ago before my mom lost her job & sometimes I get jealous about that too. 



  • I get honeymoon jealousy. Since FI and I are saving and paying for 3/4 of the wedding we are not doing a fun over the top honeymoon like I want. We are going to N. Carolina and staying at his Uncle's summer house, which I am excited about just wish we could do a cruise or an all inclusive.
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  • Thanks, girls. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. rdr, I feel ya on saving every bit. I am very lucky to get some help from my parents and from his too - more than I even expected, tbh - but with the unemployment and living at my FI's brothers house just so we can save for the wedding bums me out on occasion. The worst part is that I know FI is working his tail off to make up for those months without income, and he really wants to give me my dream wedding and feels bad that things are tight. I'm trying SO HARD not to be a princess or ever complain, because I'm lucky really, especially that he supports me now while I'm job hunting.

    RebCappon, I'm not sure if we're even doing a honeymoon. He wants one badly, I'd rather save for a down payment on a house. We'll probably compromise with something similar to you.

    Sometimes it pisses me off too, that I feel like our generation totally got screwed. Most of my friends who are in their mid to late 20s are in crappy jobs, living with parents, and trying to live a decent life while climbing out of student loan debt. It's a shhitty reality.
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  • Completely normal. My centerpieces are the ones the venue will provide I wish I could have real flowers for them but just not in the budget. I don't even have budget to invite all my friends our venue was more than we anticipated and to stay there our guest list took a hit.
  • I feel it too sometimes. Facebook doesn't help at times, lol. But on the flipside, I also get a sick sense of joy when I find out FI's cousin is spending 2-3 times what we are for the same exact stuff for his wedding :-P 

    My dad got laid off from his job a few years ago and he got a new job just a couple months later, but doesn't make as much and he's trying to find a new one. Also my mom's business hasn't been doing as well lately as we had hoped, so my parents are struggling. My parents still insist on helping out with wedding costs though :-)
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  • Don't worry I have felt the same jealousy you have. I can also relate to the unemployment situation FI got laid off about a month ago and hasn't had any luck finding another job. We are paying 100% for our wedding and we are saving any and everything we possibly can. As of now we aren't doing a extravagant honeymoon we may go to Charleston, SC for a few days.
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  • melb2013melb2013
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    edited July 2012
    Well I'll chime in here too.  Luckily my parents are helping us, but money has been a really big issue.  Everyone who's contributing owns their own business except FI.  The advantage to this is that you don't lose your job in a bad economy, but money can really slow down.  We're in an economically sound part of the country, but we've still noticed a huge drop off in income since 2008.  Paying for a wedding in those years would have been no problem, but it is a big problem now which is why we're having a 2 year engagement to save. 

    FSIL is having a wedding 2-3 X more expensive than ours and all of FI's family have had weddings that expensive or more.  Sometimes I think "why bother doing this at all" because FI's family is just going to think it was a cheap little wedding compared to what they are used to.  That part makes me upset and jealous.  I feel like we're sacrificing so much for the wedding that they expect, but aren't going to like anyway.

    On the other hand, they have a very different idea of things than I do.  Even if we had that kind of money, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't spend it on a wedding.  They also have a very different aesthetic than me.  I get a thrill knowing that I'm going to think FSIL's ridiculously priced wedding is also super ugly.  I also get a thrill knowing that we have some of the same things for a quarter of the price :)

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  • SRRL18SRRL18
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    It's normal. I think everyone gets wedding envy. Don't be so hard on yourself. 
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  • I had a nice huge weddin. 250 people. 25k spent on it. big outdoor ceremony in the town square park with police officers  shooing away onlookers. Beautiful camelot room with massive brandy snifters stuffed with champagne roses. My bridal party was 20 people. Everyone talked about it for years to come.
    It ended in a divorce.

    Rest assured, proud that you are planning a wedding that WONT start our relationship out with financial strife b/c you spent more than you REASONABLY should have, and that you are busy planning for a marriage, not a wedding. *hug*
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  • In Response to Re: Wedding Envy:
    I had a nice huge weddin. 250 people. 25k spent on it. big outdoor ceremony in the town square park with police officers  shooing away onlookers. Beautiful camelot room with massive brandy snifters stuffed with champagne roses. My bridal party was 20 people. Everyone talked about it for years to come. It ended in a divorce. Rest assured, proud that you are planning a wedding that WONT start our relationship out with financial strife b/c you spent more than you REASONABLY should have, and that you are busy planning for a marriage, not a wedding. *hug*
    Posted by PJBHL5
    This!!
  • In Response to Re: Wedding Envy:
    I had a nice huge weddin. 250 people. 25k spent on it. big outdoor ceremony in the town square park with police officers  shooing away onlookers. Beautiful camelot room with massive brandy snifters stuffed with champagne roses. My bridal party was 20 people. Everyone talked about it for years to come. It ended in a divorce. Rest assured, proud that you are planning a wedding that WONT start our relationship out with financial strife b/c you spent more than you REASONABLY should have, and that you are busy planning for a marriage, not a wedding. *hug*
    Posted by PJBHL5

    So this.

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  • Wedding AND honeymoon envy.


    Mostly jealous of the wedding my brother & SIL had - the they actually kicked me out of simply for the fact that they didn't have anyone to pair me up with! They didn't have to pay for anything - SIL's parents paid for everything (and my mom the RD). I would give anything to have some of the things they had. It really irks me even more because I know that after everything, SIL probably never appreciated it (doesn't really appreciate much).

    It feels like it's not fair that they had what they want, and FI and I have to go without because we're paying for everything (my parent's contributions equal about 1% - we still appreciate it). What I wouldn't *give* to be able to go get my hair and make up done. Or to have the centerpieces that I want. Or to do favors that would be personal, a nice touch. To be able to have real flowers. A nice reception venue. Alcohol at the wedding.



    Then there's the honeymoon envy. We'll be lucky if we can borrow the cabin on the lake from FI's aunt and uncle. If we can't, we really can't do anything because we won't be able to afford anything after the wedding.

    FSIL had her entire wedding paid for by her parents. Her and her H got to go to Hawii on their honeymoon.

    FSIL2 had her entire wedding paid for by her parents. Her and her H got to go to Disneyworld.

    We can't afford to go anywhere. Not even across the state.


    I think the only way to try to deal with those jealous feelings is knowing that whatever you can afford or cannot afford, you're wedding day is still going to be special. Obviously I can't say for sure as I'm not married yet, but I'm banking on just being happy that we're married and having had something special that, in the end, all of those other details aren't going to matter.
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  • edited August 2012
    I have a fewfriends who basically have unlimited wedding budgets (wealthy families, huge inheritances, and good jobs), and I am definitely jealous of the way they can just hire people to do everything for them, and are able to afford every little frivolous thing (like letterpress invitations with calligraphy, dresses from Kleinfeld's, etc), while I am trying to figure out how to do my own flowers and whether or not Vistaprint invitations will look too "cheap".

    I really shouldn't be jealous, since we aren't hurting for money (my parents are paying for half, FI has a good job and is able to afford the rest), but I know our wedding won't be as "classy" or "elegant" as their weddings will be. My biggest fear is that those people will think our wedding is "cheap" or "tacky".

    There is always going to be someone who has a bigger and better wedding than you, but that doesn't always mean that their weddings will be more fun, or that they will have a better marriage than you will. I have to keep telling myself that really all that matters at the end of the day is that we end up happily married :-D
  • I am also jealous like that. I believe every bride has been a little jealous in some way. My fi and I are paying for the entire thing ourselves. My parents told me they weren't paying for or even helping with the wedding. But that goes back years of family drama. Even though my grandparents paid for both of my mom wedding. My fianc family well lets just put it like this. I think a horse takes a classier s than any of his folks weddings. With the exception of 1 sister the rest have gone to courthouse. Not to mention there is 12 sisters and brothers on fi side and six aren't even invited due to other drama. I was taught by grandparents to have great taste. I have found out the hard way that everything I like is the most expensive. It truly has been a reality check. I hate that I don't just get to go and say I want this, this, this, and this and not have a care about budget. Don't feel bad you're not alone
  • I am also jealous like that. I believe every bride has been a little jealous in some way. My fi and I are paying for the entire thing ourselves. My parents told me they weren't paying for or even helping with the wedding. But that goes back years of family drama. Even though my grandparents paid for both of my mom wedding. My fianc family well lets just put it like this. I think a horse takes a classier s than any of his folks weddings. With the exception of 1 sister the rest have gone to courthouse. Not to mention there is 12 sisters and brothers on fi side and six aren't even invited due to other drama. I was taught by grandparents to have great taste. I have found out the hard way that everything I like is the most expensive. It truly has been a reality check. I hate that I don't just get to go and say I want this, this, this, and this and not have a care about budget. Don't feel bad you're not alone
  • I am also jealous like that. I believe every bride has been a little jealous in some way. My fi and I are paying for the entire thing ourselves. My parents told me they weren't paying for or even helping with the wedding. But that goes back years of family drama. Even though my grandparents paid for both of my mom wedding. My fianc family well lets just put it like this. I think a horse takes a classier s than any of his folks weddings. With the exception of 1 sister the rest have gone to courthouse. Not to mention there is 12 sisters and brothers on fi side and six aren't even invited due to other drama. I was taught by grandparents to have great taste. I have found out the hard way that everything I like is the most expensive. It truly has been a reality check. I hate that I don't just get to go and say I want this, this, this, and this and not have a care about budget. Don't feel bad you're not alone
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