Go figure - A shower issue

kmsst48

So we're like 10 months out right folks? We'll I'm talking to my friend about my mother who is freaking out because my brother is having a baby right before my wedding and that she's going to have 2 showers back to back.  So here is the conversation (as in the way i remember it lol)

Her: "Wait. Stop. You're having a shower?"

Me: "Huh?"

Her: "Why are you having a shower?"

Me:  "Because I want one and my mother wants one and Dom and I don't have anything"

Her "But you live together. You can't have a shower when you already live together. It's tacky. Besides, you have crap, you already live togehter."

Me: "I don't care, I'm having a shower."

Her: "People are going to think you're greedy. Showers are for couples who are JUST starting out. When you live together you're basically already married."

I'M FULLY JACKED AT THIS MOMENT

Her: "And you don't have a bridal party other than your sister and his best man and you're not doing anything else traditional so why do this?"

Me: "I don't know, maybe because I want stuff (I'm such a B sometimes)

Her: "That's what people are going to think. I just know I think it's silly to buy stuff for people who already have stuff. 

Me: " Well, you don't HAVE to buy anything, or give anything or make anything. All you have to do is show up and hang out."

So, the reason I'm upset about this is because - well, I think after some thought I totally agree. But the flip of it is that I don't really think it's tacky or that people will think i'm greedy. A shower goes with a wedding -  it's expected. Honestly, i'm happy to take whatever gifts we'd recieve but I don't really expect them - but my mother does 

Are you ladies who live with their FI still haveing a shower or run into this rediculous type of coversation? 

FLGatorGal88

Although FI and I live together we dont have everything... but before we opted for DW we decided from the get go we didn't want to have pre-wedding parties. They seem to be more stress than what they are worth...

hisbabygirl76

Saying because you and FI live together so you dont deserve a shower is like saying "hey you have a a kid and this is your second you dont get a shower to celebrate this one because you already had one". Its a celebration that if you want to have HAVE IT.

kmsst48

We def talked about pre-wedding parties. No engagement party, meet n greet type crap or even a rehersel but this one was that I'm ok with having. Culturally in my family and in my community it's not a big deal to have a shower no matter the circumstances unless it's a second wedding for both the bride and groom. Either way, we're having it but people are so freaking weird about crap sometimes. 

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_go-figure-a-shower-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:59f04612-2203-481f-8f82-e2aaaa3593efPost:d0163577-be8f-4247-a8d5-97b6e719c8eb">Re: Go figure - A shower issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Although FI and I live together we dont have everything... but before we opted for DW we decided from the get go we didn't want to have pre-wedding parties. <strong>They seem to be more stress than what they are worth...</strong>
Posted by FLGatorGal88[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>THIS, totally.  But I've been to a lot of showers for people who live together.  Honestly, I don't really like showers at all, but that has nothing to do with whether you live together or not... I just think having a party that is all about "showering gifts" is strange.

</div>

jmozul01

We live together and are still having a shower.  The initial reason for showers was to help couples start their lives together but more and more people are living together before getting married, so I dont think that should be a factor anymore.  Just my opinion though.

turtleslove

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_go-figure-a-shower-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:59f04612-2203-481f-8f82-e2aaaa3593efPost:98104388-5aaf-46ac-82c6-939a5360b9fb">Re: Go figure - A shower issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Saying because you and FI live together so you dont deserve a shower is like saying "hey you have a a kid and this is your second you dont get a shower to celebrate this one because you already had one". Its a celebration that if you want to have HAVE IT.
Posted by hisbabygirl76[/QUOTE]

Agree^^
We are not having a shower because we just don't want one, not because we already live together. That is another antiquated notion that needs to go. If you family doesn't want to throw you one because of this reason, well that's something you would have to work out.. But it sounds like yours is all for it so why not have one?? You can always put a line that "gifts are appreciated but not required" or some jazz...

ansanna

We live together and are having a shower. When I first met FI, he was recently divorced and he wanted his ex out so badly that he told her to take whatever she wanted and get out. She took that to her advantage, she left him with nothing, not a fork, spoon, washcloth. The only thing he had was the dining room table his father bought him and a blow up mattress. At that time I was living on my own in an apartment, so when I moved in a year later, I brought all of my things with me. So technically "we" don't have things, I have MY things in HIS house. And my things are not of good quality by any means because it's all stuff from college. So, I feel a shower is warranted on our end. But whether or not it's "MY" stuff or "OUR" stuff, a shower is allowed. It's a party, the guests get to know each other. If people think it's "tacky" then they won't come or just won't bring a gift, but I'm sure that the people who think it isn't tacky will outweigh those who think it is.

bburkel

Living together should not prevent you from having a shower.  A lot of people expect there to be a shower of some kind. 

In our situation, we've been living together for 4 years and bought a house, but most of our belongings were from our single days, or in my case, college.  It's all old and cheap crap.  We don't necessarily need new things, but they'd be nice to have, and with the number of showers I've gone to over the years, I feel kind of like it's my turn.

pittpoint1119

We will be having a shower and FI and I are moving in together in September into our new house we are buying! We have NOTHING. I have some stuff from college and so does her. We will be using hand me downs for stuff so the shower we will be able to get new.

kmsst48

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_go-figure-a-shower-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:59f04612-2203-481f-8f82-e2aaaa3593efPost:b30b4f95-552e-4eae-9191-867834c8ebe8">Re: Go figure - A shower issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Living together should not prevent you from having a shower.  A lot of people expect there to be a shower of some kind.  In our situation, we've been living together for 4 years and bought a house, but most of our belongings were from our single days, or in my case, college.  It's all old and cheap crap.  We don't necessarily need new things, but they'd be nice to have, and with the number of showers I've gone to over the years, I feel kind of like it's my turn.
Posted by bburkel[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>See, that's sorta how I feel about it too!</div>

worrelsj

We've been living together for nearly 4 years but my aunt and DF's aunt both want to throw us bridal showers. So we'll have 2....We are looking at this as a way to upgrade the stuff we have. A lot of the things in the kitchen are hand me downs from FMIL and I would LOVE to have new items.

I think your friend was extremely rude to accuse such a thing. Many couples live together now before marriage. She's delusional.

mss274

While FI and I don't live together, my girlfriends who are now married lived with their FI's beforehand and still had showers. No one questioned it or thought they were greedy. It's a tradition that comes along with a wedding and people were happy to celebrate the occasion. Do people expect that couples living together beforehand have 12 place settings of fine china? and 12 sets of fine crystalware? etc I wouldn't let your friend get to. It may be a jealousy thing as well. As a friend, she should be more supportive of you and your wishes.

PJBHL5

nope. have the shower.
accept all the presents and attention and don't feel the least bit selfish for it.
you're getting married. she can shut up.
JM2c

VJones1981

FI and I have lived together for a while now and we will be having a shower. I am not totally comfortable with feeling that people are giving me any type of gift out of obligation, wedding or not. I have learned though that many people get joy out of giving, the same way I do. If anybody feels that it isn't appropriate to attend a shower or give a gift, they won't. Don't let your friend ruin your enjoyment of this time in your life.

charbakes

I'm probably going to have a shower, and even though we don't live together we still have everything we need. Just because you live together doesn't mean you have everything, and just because you're living apart doesn't mean you don't have anything you need. Besides, for us it's not really a gift-giving occasioin (unless the gifts are given there and not the wedding, I don't know if that's a thing) and more of a celebratory "You're getting married!" thing.

SSaltzman87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_go-figure-a-shower-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:59f04612-2203-481f-8f82-e2aaaa3593efPost:8cc92340-3535-4f3d-8afc-3b0e613d8ee0">Re: Go figure - A shower issue</a>:
[QUOTE]nope. have the shower. accept all the presents and attention and don't feel the least bit selfish for it. you're getting married. she can shut up. JM2c
Posted by PJBHL5[/QUOTE]
I completely agree.<div>
</div><div>FI and I have been living together for 3 years and for the most part we have everything we need, but there are things we don't have or would like to upgrade. There's nothing wrong with having a bridal shower even though you already live together.</div>