May 2013 Weddings

I need to majorly vent here...

So the bride who will remain nameless (I'm pretty sure you can all guess who it is... and no, not me!) has turned into the biggest bridezilla ever.

First the bridesmaids were told that we would be in charge of games, favors, and decorations for her shower and that she wanted a co-ed bachelorette bachelor party.  Nobody offered to do these things for her- we were just told.  Her mother is paying for the food (the big bill obviously).  Bridesmaid A just had a baby with complications, bridesmaid B told us she was very busy and had limited funds and bridesmaid C lives across country and can't attend or contribute.  So FI and I decided we would do some centerpieces, favors, and one game.  

The bridesmaids all together decided to have guests bring recipes. I assumed that brides's mom would be sending the invites so I talked to her.  Apparently the bride was picking out and sending her own invites (wtf?!), so I had to tell her about the recipe thing so she could include it on the invite.

I did mention to the bride that we were excited about planning her shower and I had gone shopping to get her surprises!  Last week bride texted me to tell me that I should make sure I tell the bridesmaids what they owe me.  I said that FI and I were handling everything, not to worry.  She told me that I needed to demand the bridesmaids split it with me since she had paid for their showers she wanted payback.  I said that FI and I were going to pay for it and decided to do this not expecting anything from everything and it was no big deal.  She kept on me.  So I told her that her other bridesmaids had a lot their plates, so this is why I was doing it myself.  She flipped out and said I needed to tell them what I had done so they could offer to help and if they didn't offer, she didn't want them in her life anymore.

Then she discussed this with bridesmaid A and B.  Bridesmaid B asked me what was going on with the shower mentioning that bride had told her to help more.  I said we had it all handled but if she wanted to add something else, she was welcome to.  She had no problem with this.  Bridesmaid A asked me what I had done.  I told her and she sent me this panic email saying that other people are close to the bride and I was taking over blah blah blah.  I said I could return things if she wanted.  She said no, she was just worried the bride wouldn't think she did enough.

Bride's FI emailed me and bridesmaid A today to say that bride was very stressed out and he thinks we've talked to her too much about the shower.  He said we need to cut out talking to her about the shower so we don't stress her out.

Okay, I flipped out!  Called my FI.  Bride happened to call my FI a couple minutes later so he mentioned how her FI had emailed us.  Ughhhhh 

I sent an email to bride and her FI just saying that I don't like having to defend myself.  I felt like they had put me in the middle of high school drama.  I detailed how bride had gotten herself involved starting by asking for the shower in the first place.  Then I said that if I was causing so much stress, I didn't think I would be attending the shower.

I'm sooooooo completely pissed off and if these weren't future in laws, I would have gone running for the hills a long time ago.  

Thanks for anybody who read this super long rant.


May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

image

Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: I need to majorly vent here...

  • Mel I honestly don't know how you can put up with all of her BS!!! My goodness is she not aware that you don't have to throw her this shower? I also think she shouldn't have went to the other BM's to make it seem like you were complaining about them not helping (WTF UNNECESSARY DRAMA!!!!)... I agree she has brought this stress upon herself by getting involved in things she shouldn't be planning in the first place.
    May 2013 January Siggy Challenge:The Cake!!!
    cake4
    Follow Me on Pinterest
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • She just sent me an email... didn't apologize of course just said that she never demanded a shower- what was I talking about?  LOL I just looked through old emails- she totally rewrote history here.  

    Her FI also emailed me yelling at me for stressing her out even more and that I just should have responded to him and that there was nothing wrong with him telling me not to stress her out even though he didn't know what was going on in the first place.

    I'm not responding to any more emails, phone calls, or texts for the next few weeks.  Let them stew...

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • FLGator- Thanks for reading my saga!!

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • Oh wow, I would go insane having to deal with this.
    By what I'm reading this is your future sister in law? Is this your FI's sister or FI's brother's FI?

    Either way, you have gone above and beyond what you said. I am a bit spiteful and I would have sent her back an email where she demanded a bridal shower as a reply to her last email.

    She's creating all the drama herself and then faulting you for it, she should never have been this involved in the shower (which is at her own fault). I think you should just take a step back from it all and let is boil over. 

    522805_10151186959893168_80368830_n_zps80e4c057
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-need-to-majorly-vent-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:60f43ec5-c102-41c3-aaf1-cf9698cca23ePost:69b0022e-f547-4fb2-be18-a7e53d14c033">Re: I need to majorly vent here...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh wow, I would go insane having to deal with this. By what I'm reading this is your future sister in law? Is this your FI's sister or FI's brother's FI? Either way, you have gone above and beyond what you said. I am a bit spiteful and I would have sent her back an email where she demanded a bridal shower as a reply to her last email. She's creating all the drama herself and then faulting you for it, she should never have been this involved in the shower (which is at her own fault). <strong>I think you should just take a step back from it all and let is boil over. </strong>
    Posted by DileniN[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>That is my plan.  They keep sending me emails- they're not apoligizing, just trying to get more into the whole "he said, she said" crap.  I don't do that.  I'm over all the drama and have decided not to participate in it.
    </div>

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-need-to-majorly-vent-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:60f43ec5-c102-41c3-aaf1-cf9698cca23ePost:b952cf93-e691-4f14-8018-1cbe89dda3bb">Re: I need to majorly vent here...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need to majorly vent here... : That is my plan.  They keep sending me emails- they're not apoligizing, just trying to get more into the whole "he said, she said" crap.  I don't do that.  <strong>I'm over all the drama and have decided not to participate in it.</strong>
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>I remember you posting about this bride a couple different times, and I specifically remember you saying she demanded the shower/bachelorette party. I don't know why she thinks you would be making this up! She sounds like a nightmare. I think it is very adult of you to just not respond to calls/texts/emails and get out of the drama...although if they happen to piss you off enough with their continued emails, I would totes my goats forward her her own email where she demanded the shower/B party and just add at the bottom, "Aren't you a peach." </div><div>
    </div><div>Oh and also, I would go ahead and send the stuff I had already bought/go to the shower to set up, and then leave. For seriously. Is this FI's sister?</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-need-to-majorly-vent-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:60f43ec5-c102-41c3-aaf1-cf9698cca23ePost:58dcf41e-6b87-43ae-8a15-9875a02010f9">Re: I need to majorly vent here...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need to majorly vent here... : I remember you posting about this bride a couple different times, and I specifically remember you saying she demanded the shower/bachelorette party. I don't know why she thinks you would be making this up! She sounds like a nightmare. I think it is very adult of you to just not respond to calls/texts/emails and get out of the drama...although if they happen to piss you off enough with their continued emails, I would totes my goats forward her her own email where she demanded the shower/B party and just add at the bottom, "Aren't you a peach."  Oh and also, I would go ahead and send the stuff I had already bought/go to the shower to set up, and then leave.<strong> For seriously. Is this FI's sister?</strong>
    Posted by sbc2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes indeed.</div><div>
    </div><div>Now she feels that I must have misunderstood her intentions and the other bridesmaids must of lead me that conclusion that she demanded her own shower.  Therefore, she wants to email all the bridesmaids explaining that she did not ask for a shower.  Ummm what about the 20,000 phone calls where you talked about the shower you WOULD be having and the email the MOH sent me detailing her conversation with the bride in which she listed the brides demands?  Thanks for throwing me under the bus yet again... </div>

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • Oh and I haven't even touched on the bachelorette party with her... yes... she demanded that too.

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • Since this is FI's sister, I can see why you are putting up with this ridiculousness, but you reaaaally shouldn't have to. When is the wedding? AKA how much longer do you have to put up with this? I think arguing with her over who demanded what will probably do more harm than good, unfortunately, but I also really don't think you should just bend to her lunacy. I remember you saying that you were going to be stuck doing the B party because the other bridesmaids would still be having the same issues/life scenarios as they did for the shower, so now that all of this has come up and she is insisting she isn't demanding anything, I really don't think you should get involved in the B party. Her shower was all you, even if the other bridesmaids now chip in and help. Add that to the bride's behavior and I think you've done way more than your duty as a bridesmaid. If one of the other bridesmaids offers to throw her a B party, great. If not, she just doesn't get one. Maybe then she will realize that she only got a shower because she, you know, sent out her own invites. 

    Personally, I would just politely nod my head and "uh huh, that's nice" through the rest of this pre-wedding time. It seems like she wants to twist what really happened, and I'd hate for this to have an affect on your relationship with your in-laws. 
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-need-to-majorly-vent-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:60f43ec5-c102-41c3-aaf1-cf9698cca23ePost:a6332cd6-c70d-41d1-bb16-281e37e5ec5d">Re: I need to majorly vent here...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since this is FI's sister, I can see why you are putting up with this ridiculousness, but you reaaaally shouldn't have to. When is the wedding? AKA how much longer do you have to put up with this? I think arguing with her over who demanded what will probably do more harm than good, unfortunately, but I also really don't think you should just bend to her lunacy. I remember you saying that you were going to be stuck doing the B party because the other bridesmaids would still be having the same issues/life scenarios as they did for the shower, so now that all of this has come up and she is insisting she isn't demanding anything, I really  don't think you should get involved in the B party. Her shower was all you, even if the other bridesmaids now chip in and help. Add that to the bride's behavior and I think you've done way more than your duty as a bridesmaid. If one of the other bridesmaids offers to throw her a B party, great. If not, she just doesn't get one. Maybe then she will realize that she only got a shower because she, you know, sent out her own invites.  Personally, I would just politely nod my head and "uh huh, that's nice" through the rest of this pre-wedding time. It seems like she wants to twist what really happened, and I'd hate for this to have an affect on your relationship with your in-laws. 
    Posted by sbc2013[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thanks for your response.  Her wedding is the beginning of November.  I had already made it known that I was going to be hands off her bach party, so she is completely planning it herself...  That in itself annoys me to no end.</div><div>
    </div><div>I agree that I should just be nodding and smiling through the rest of this.  It's so difficult to not give her a piece of my mind about her complete rudeness.</div><div>
    </div><div>How do I keep her from emailing the other bridesmaids to "set them straight" as she now wants to do?  I don't want her to email them saying "Melissa made it known to me that she thinks I demanded a shower.  Who made her think that?  I did no such thing!"  I was planning on ignoring her, but now I think I need to contact her to put a stop to this.</div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • Hmm. I feel like if you came to her and tried to make amends or something (not that you have any to make, but just for the sake of ending the drama), she would feel empowered/entitled, like you were saying sorry and she did nothing wrong in the first place, you know? Even if you were just trying to clear the air, she seems looney toons enough to not realize you aren't apologizing for anything.

    How does your FI feel about the situation? Because I think I might just sit back and see what she says in the email. If she really says something like what you wrote, throwing you under the bus and suggesting to others that YOU were in the wrong here, I would ask FI to step in. She can't just act like a pretty pretty princess and make you seem like the mean FSIL. If she takes that route, I would send her a calm email back and let her know that you are no longer interested in being in her wedding party, but thank you for the honor. She might flip out and say you are being overly dramatic, but at the end of the day, you've rid yourself of a major headache in the long run, and honestly, if you were to "stand your ground" so to say and drop out, I think someone in FI's family might tell her, "Well, actually, Regina George, you are being a little ridiculous." I can imagine that her mother probably doesn't realize how improper her daughter is being or she wouldn't indulge her, but hopefully someone has the sense to set her straight, sooner rather than later. How would you feel about getting FI involved or dropping out of the wedding party? Is your relationship with his family one that would be strained by something like that?
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-need-to-majorly-vent-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:60f43ec5-c102-41c3-aaf1-cf9698cca23ePost:9917851e-cfb6-49b3-8470-ee3cdc1ff81d">Re: I need to majorly vent here...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hmm. I feel like if you came to her and tried to make amends or something (not that you have any to make, but just for the sake of ending the drama), she would feel empowered/entitled, like you were saying sorry and she did nothing wrong in the first place, you know? Even if you were just trying to clear the air, she seems looney toons enough to not realize you aren't apologizing for anything. How does your FI feel about the situation? Because I think I might just sit back and see what she says in the email. If she really says something like what you wrote, throwing you under the bus and suggesting to others that YOU were in the wrong here, I would ask FI to step in. She can't just act like a pretty pretty princess and make you seem like the mean FSIL. If she takes that route, I would send her a calm email back and let her know that you are no longer interested in being in her wedding party, but thank you for the honor. She might flip out and say you are being overly dramatic, but at the end of the day, you've rid yourself of a major headache in the long run, and honestly, if you were to "stand your ground" so to say and drop out, I think someone in FI's family might tell her, "Well, actually, Regina George, you are being a little ridiculous." I can imagine that her mother probably doesn't realize how improper her daughter is being or she wouldn't indulge her, but hopefully someone has the sense to set her straight, sooner rather than later. How would you feel about getting FI involved or dropping out of the wedding party? Is your relationship with his family one that would be strained by something like that?
    Posted by sbc2013[/QUOTE]
    Agree with PP!<div>
    </div><div>Its stressful enough planning your own wedding and dealing with your own set of drama, let alone someone elses wedding drama! Good luck, hope someone gives her some sense!</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-need-to-majorly-vent-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:60f43ec5-c102-41c3-aaf1-cf9698cca23ePost:9917851e-cfb6-49b3-8470-ee3cdc1ff81d">Re: I need to majorly vent here...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hmm. I feel like if you came to her and tried to make amends or something (not that you have any to make, but just for the sake of ending the drama), she would feel empowered/entitled, like you were saying sorry and she did nothing wrong in the first place, you know? Even if you were just trying to clear the air, she seems looney toons enough to not realize you aren't apologizing for anything. How does your FI feel about the situation? Because I think I might just sit back and see what she says in the email. If she really says something like what you wrote, throwing you under the bus and suggesting to others that YOU were in the wrong here, I would ask FI to step in. She can't just act like a pretty pretty princess and make you seem like the mean FSIL. If she takes that route, I would send her a calm email back and let her know that you are no longer interested in being in her wedding party, but thank you for the honor. She might flip out and say you are being overly dramatic, but at the end of the day, you've rid yourself of a major headache in the long run, and honestly, if you were to "stand your ground" so to say and drop out, I think someone in FI's family might tell her, "Well, actually, Regina George, you are being a little ridiculous." <strong>I can imagine that her mother probably doesn't realize how improper her daughter is being or she wouldn't indulge her, but hopefully someone has the sense to set her straight, sooner rather than later</strong>. How would you feel about getting FI involved or dropping out of the wedding party? Is your relationship with his family one that would be strained by something like that?
    Posted by sbc2013[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You are totally right that her mother indulges her.  In fact, everyone around her does.  And yesterday, I had had it!  That's the only reason I sent that email defending myself and pointing out her errors.
    <div>
    </div><div>She really thinks of me as one of her best friends (how did that happen?!)- I think it would be WWIII if I dropped out.  FI basically begged me not to drop out, which I already wanted to do.  He says he's going to call her tomorrow and ask her not to send that email to the bridesmaids.  I sent her a brief email requesting the same thing.  I also told her to leave it alone and back off... She'll get over that comment, but she would never forgive me for dropping out of her wedding.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Thanks for the advice, everyone!  I feel like I'm going crazy with all this crap, but getting reassurance from total strangers makes me feel like I'm not so nuts!

    </div></div>

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-need-to-majorly-vent-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:60f43ec5-c102-41c3-aaf1-cf9698cca23ePost:61fceefd-96f6-402a-84b7-27be64c1c2b3">Re: I need to majorly vent here...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need to majorly vent here... : You are totally right that her mother indulges her.  In fact, everyone around her does.  And yesterday, I had had it!  That's the only reason I sent that email defending myself and pointing out her errors. She really thinks of me as one of her best friends (how did that happen?!)- I think it would be WWIII if I dropped out.  FI basically begged me not to drop out, which I already wanted to do.  He says he's going to call her tomorrow and ask her not to send that email to the bridesmaids.  I sent her a brief email requesting the same thing.  I also told her to leave it alone and back off... She'll get over that comment, but she would never forgive me for dropping out of her wedding.   Thanks for the advice, everyone! <strong> I feel like I'm going crazy with all this crap, but getting reassurance from total strangers makes me feel like I'm not so nuts!</strong>
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Dude. You are SO not nuts. And I am really glad to hear your FI is calling her. Please keep us updated if it secures your sanity :) 

    </div>
    image
  • Mel I have to give you so much credit. I would have told her where to go at this point. My only advice that I have since the ladies here have already said loads of good stuff. is just breath and count, step back as much as you can, let them deal with their own drama and in only a few months it will all be over and her insane rediculous bridezilla wedding will have come and gone. You really are hearing sainthood here
    Proud 36yr old Mama of 3, expecting #4 - 8yrs after #3 :)BabyFetus Ticker Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'd definitely take a step back, that's the right decision. I wouldn't blame you if you took yourself out completely, in this case- you'd be justified even though they're ILs.
    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Money Saving Tips"><img src="http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt17ce82.aspx" alt="Anniversary" border="0"  /></a>

    White Knot

    Planning Bio-Added FOR SALE page, will be adding more stuff to it soon! 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards