FMIL is driving me insane! Rant/Kinda Long!

Carson386

Last night she told me she absolutely "needs" to see the event contract for our venue. I wouldn't mind showing her contract except FMIL is not paying for my anything, my parents are paying for most of the stuff with our venue. FMIL wants to know costs of food, drinks, everything. I told FI that it really isn't her business to see what type of money my parents are spending unless she plans on chipping in. Am I wrong about that?

My other thing- FI and I have a down payment set aside for a photographer. We think we found one that we like but we haven't met with him yet. FMIL informs me last night that we absolutely have to use her friend's daughter as a photographer because it's cheap. Then FMIL has the nerve to keep asking me if I'm sure I want to marry FI.

He has told her to back off many many times, and it's just not working. I have stopped talking about anything wedding around her, and I don't post anything on Facebook about it. So I'm not sure if he is telling her or what but I really cannot take much more of this. I told him that she is driving me away , he wasn't too happy about that.

turtleslove

Uh oh... No if she is not paying for anything there is no need for her to know any details of the cost..
I would make sure you an FI are actually on the same page..

Annas2013

If she isn't paying, she has no right to see any contracts, or know how much is being spent on anything.  And she doesn't have any right to tell you how to spend your own money.  You're going to have to do what you want to do and ignore her, even though that's hard sometimes.  

Sit down with your FI and talk to him.  You two have to be on the same page.  It's his mother, he needs to be the one making her stop giving you crap about money.  

SSaltzman87

Yeah, your FMIL doesn't have any right to see contracts if she isn't contributing. I agree with the others about talking to your FI about his mom and making sure you two are on the same page, otherwise you're going to have an incredibly hard marriage. I think you guys will have to make an incredibly hard decision on how you want to have her in your lives, because unfortunately with personalities like hers- there's no such thing as a happy medium.

Carson386

I hate to say it but if we can't get on the same page- I can't spend the rest of my life unhappy because FMIL is out of control. I love him dearly and would do anything for him, but I can't live the rest of my life with her in the middle of it. Time to have a sit down with him after work, I don't want to make him choose between me and herm but I'm supposed to be his wife in a few months, my happiness kind of matters BIG TIME!

SSaltzman87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_fmil-is-driving-me-insane-rantkinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:80fa5088-62e3-4a5c-8843-2b64e9bc655ePost:4d366dd0-2798-436a-9032-65a798da97e4">Re: FMIL is driving me insane! Rant/Kinda Long!</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate to say it but if we can't get on the same page- I can't spend the rest of my life unhappy because FMIL is out of control. I love him dearly and would do anything for him, but I can't live the rest of my life with her in the middle of it. 
Posted by Carson386[/QUOTE]
You're absolutely right. As harsh as it is, it's unfortunately true. It's also a good thing that you're realizing this now instead of after you're married.

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_fmil-is-driving-me-insane-rantkinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:80fa5088-62e3-4a5c-8843-2b64e9bc655ePost:4d366dd0-2798-436a-9032-65a798da97e4">Re: FMIL is driving me insane! Rant/Kinda Long!</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate to say it but if we can't get on the same page- I can't spend the rest of my life unhappy because FMIL is out of control. I love him dearly and would do anything for him, but I can't live the rest of my life with her in the middle of it. Time to have a sit down with him after work, I don't want to make him choose between me and herm but I'm supposed to be his wife in a few months, my happiness kind of matters BIG TIME!
Posted by Carson386[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You can never change who she is or how she reacts, but your FI can change how he handles her.  My FMIL is a peach (sarcasm), but my FI always stands his ground with her.  She just can't stop giving her unwanted opinions, but FI always stands up for our decisions.  This is what's important to me.  Oh and I'll add that FI have almost called it off twice because I wasn't sure I could marry his family.

</div>

Carson386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_fmil-is-driving-me-insane-rantkinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:80fa5088-62e3-4a5c-8843-2b64e9bc655ePost:7e3b2b10-7a77-4dc6-ab5f-e6a6d253f94c">Re: FMIL is driving me insane! Rant/Kinda Long!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL is driving me insane! Rant/Kinda Long! : You can never change who she is or how she reacts, but your FI can change how he handles her.  My FMIL is a peach (sarcasm), but my FI always stands his ground with her.  She just can't stop giving her unwanted opinions, but FI always stands up for our decisions.  This is what's important to me.  Oh and I'll add that FI have almost called it off twice because<strong> I wasn't sure I could marry his family</strong>.
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

This is EXACTLY how I feel!! I don't know if I can handle this stress forever and if it's like this now, it will be forever. I talked to him when he got home, he said he will handle it then proceeded to tell me that I need to let things go in one ear and out the other.